Get the girls in one room. Get the snacks, the bubbly and the ice cream. Get your wedding notebook and pen. Here are five things to discuss with the bridesmaids.
Whether you chose them five months or five days ago, there are a few things to discuss with the bridesmaids. It will make everything simpler and eliminates any big surprises down the line. So, here are five essential things to discuss with the bridesmaids before the wedding.
The bride’s and bridesmaids’ expectations
Before this topic is tackled in a group, the bride needs to give it some consideration on her own. As with everything else in life, knowing what you want and what works for you makes it much easier. It’s the same with your wedding. There are some pretty standard expectations you can lay down – for example, being available for the rehearsal dinner, attending dress alterations, going to hair and makeup trials, replying to your emails in a timely manner, and most importantly – being punctual on the wedding day. Write down all the things you’d like your girls to do with you (or for you) then go through the list and imagine being in their shoes. Amend as you go along. Then, take the final version to your chat. Be open about them not agreeing to certain things – their opinion counts too.
If you’re on the bridesmaid side, there are a few things you can ask for too. For example, you’re not a high earner, and you worry the hen do will cost more than your last holiday five years ago. It’s a perfectly valid point. Or, there may be times when you won’t be able to contribute as much time to the wedding planning as you’d like, for personal or professional reasons. These are all valid points too! Be sure to speak up honestly – don’t lose your nerve just because the other girls are agreeing (they may be in the same boat as you, but afraid to say no as well!).
Image from Maeve & Dylan’s real wedding by Tomasz Kornas Photography
Bridesmaids’ outfits
If there’s one thing bridesmaids worry about the most, it’s being asked to wear something that makes them look like a wardrobe. On the other hand, bridesmaids understand the bride often has to strike the right balance between dresses she wants and ones she can afford – not always an easy thing. It’s best to discuss this together, and decide what colours you all prefer, how short or long the hemlines should be, and whether the bridesmaids will be buying their own shoes or accessories. The bride should listen to the feedback about the things the bridesmaids feel self-conscious about, and let the girls come up with alternative suggestions. Also, don’t forget to ask Google for help – there are colours and dress styles that look good on nearly every body type, so be sure to do some research for inspiration.
Now is also a good time to agree about email turnaround times. If you find the perfect dresses and there isn’t a moment to spare before they sell out, one person not replying for days may just mess up that opportunity. Agree that any emails to do with outfits will be replied to by end of that same day, or whatever you feel is reasonable.
Image from Tara & Fionan’s real wedding by Daniel from DKPHOTO
Bridesmaids and the hen do
As it’s usually the chief bridesmaid who organises the hen do, it’s reasonable to assume she’ll know the bride well and plan accordingly. In practice it doesn’t always work out that way. Some CBs feel it’s their responsibility to make it a truly unforgettable night, so they organise something crazy, despite the fact the bride can’t think of anything worse than drinking from willy straws and visiting five clubs in one night. As a bride, you have every right to tell the girls what you don’t want to do on your ‘last night of freedom’. You could also say whether you’d like your mum and future mum-in-law to join you, in which case something classier may be more appropriate. You should be looking forward to your hen night with excitement, not fear – so don’t feel bad about wanting to discuss this in advance.
Image from Sinéad & Shane’s real wedding by Emma Russell Photography
Tasks the bridesmaids can help with
Unless you’ve hired a wedding planner to do everything for you, any extra pair of hands will be highly valuable. Review your wedding planning checklist, and highlight the tasks you think you could use some help with. Some are a given – perhaps you’d like all your girls to come along to shop for the wedding dress as well as bridesmaid dresses, or devote an evening a month to all things wedding. But there’s plenty more – like DIY, visiting wedding fairs or venue open days, being a second contact for the suppliers, or being the designated person to handle all gift list questions.
Think which one of your girls would be most suitable for the tasks you’d like to delegate. One bridesmaid is a crafts genius, another is great on the phone, and the third has impeccable taste when it comes to decor, etc. Ask the most suitable person to help you with a particular task. Or, simply ask who’d like to help with what. Solved!
Image from Gail & Yan’s real wedding by Eden Photography by Tanya Colclough
Let the bridesmaids tell you what they don’t want
Last, but definitely not least, you need to ask the girls what they don’t want. If they think choreographed dances down the aisle are cheesy, they hate the colour yellow, and can’t afford to go abroad for the hen do, they should be free to tell you so you can come up with alternatives together. There’s really no point having glum girls around you on your wedding day – they’re there to share in your happiness, not to be the bride’s beck-and-call girls. This does require some diplomacy on the part of the bride – you may have set your sights on something completely different, meanwhile three girls are telling you they don’t think it’s a good idea. The best way to solve it is to simply talk. Take everything into consideration, and remember – you don’t have to agree on everything right away. Simply take note and think about it – and a brilliant solution will present itself sooner or later.
Main image from Laura & Moe’s real wedding by Couple Photography – Ros Byrne
