I know I'm being stupid but I'm starting to get jealous over my H2B. He's developed a friendship over the past couple of months with a woman who works in the same field as him. They met through a mutual friend. They both work from home and have gone out for coffee a couple of times, have helped each other with some projects, we've gone out with her and her husband for drinks a handful of times. At first I thought it was great that he was making more friends, we just moved over here last year and since he's at home most of the day he doesn't get a lot of chances to meet people. But now I'm getting jealous.

The thing is, I know my H2B, and I think he does have some sort of an interest or attraction or whatever, but he would never ever admit it to me, he never even mentions celebs he likes or looks at girls on the street. But he made a point of saying how he thought another friend was really attracted to this woman and went on to list all the great qualities she has. She's a nice woman but she makes me feel stupid as she's very quick and clever and has traveled a lot and does a lot of things, which is just not me! I have my interests and my friends but I like a bit of a quiet life most of the time and anyway have been doing my best just to keep my head above water with work on the house, planning the wedding, etc.

Now H2B is going off in the morning to help her with some special project she's doing. It's totally legit and there will be other people around and I think she genuinely needs his help. He even asked me if I wanted to come along but I hate being around her, as I always feel stupid and not very cultured. Anyway, I can't picture H2B cheating, and she's married with two kids and seems very into her husband.

H2B has been pretty irritable and withdrawn lately but keeps reassuring me that it's not cold feet- and I've never asked him that! The worst part is, his ex was really insecure and jealous so as soon as I start to say anything he clams up and I feel like a freak. Is this all me? What should I do? I know it'll all prob blow over soon but it's really starting to upset me. I don't want to make things awkward or be crazy, but here I am at one in the morning on the internet and he's fast asleep! H2B has other women friends who I'm not jealous of- even a couple of girls he's met since he's been going out with me. I've been jealous a couple of times before but nothing like this cause before I knew he didn't have any real interest, it was girls who were after him. What do I do? Just let it be? I really don't think he's doing anything or would do anything unfaithful to me, but I really think he sees things in her that he likes that I don't have, and that he's really attracted. sugar. That really hurts.

Hi Buttons,
Just read your post, and feel bad for you as it sounds like a really delicate situation. On one hand it sounds as though the situation is really caused by your own insecurities and paranoia, and the streak of jealousy that we all have. On the other hand you seem to think that he is genuinely attracted to her in some way, and if that is the case, then he is (not exactly at fault), but needs to be careful that he steps back from the situation and ensures nothing becomes of it.
You need to remember that your h2b is with you because he loves you and sees a lot of wonderful qualities in you, which clearly you are not seeing yourself! However clever/well travelled or whatever this other woman is, your h2b is with you and not with her, ... and if he wanted somebody like her then he wouldn't have chosen you in the first place.
You should also really try to get over the feeling stupid around her... if she is a nice person then she shouldn't care whether you know certain things or not..... and if she and your h2b get along then I imagine that you and she should be able to get along well together also. If you can be friends with her you might feel less threatened by her.
Finally it sounds like you really do need to talk to your h2b. Certainly not an outright accusation that he has feelings for this woman (if he does, its not even something he can help, just something he needs to be careful to keep under control.... and so far it seems that he has done just that). Maybe you can bring up the fact that she is very clever/attractive whatever, and see what his response is... and go on from there... perhaps about how you feel a bit inferior around her...... you might be able to hint that you are feeling threatened in that way. It's tricky if he is not very tolerant of jealousy...but at the same time he needs to respect your feelings. And you need to respect that he is not doing anything wrong as long as he doesn't act on this minor attraction. Only you know how far you can push it with him, but the thing is not to put a wall up between you or cause an argument... you really have to approach it so that he knows that a) you know its irrational , but b) you do feel a bit jealous. And hopefully then he will be careful to ensure you have nothing to be jealous about.
Best of luck with it, and try to think positive... remember its you he is marrying! :D

Well said Bridette.....You hit the nail on the head...couldnt have said it better meself!!!....Buttons you are the one he loves.....Hes marrying you and this is one of those things that nothing a good heartfelt heart to heart wont solve!!!

I also agree Buttons, you need to have a wee chat with himself.

Don't have a row about it, just let him that know how you feel. This is really getting to you so you need to get this off your chest, in the nicest way possible. If it turns into a row, then that won't achieve anything.

I also agree with bridette that you should try to get to know this woman better. She might be alright you know and you might feel better about the situation.

Your H2b loves YOU, wants to marry YOU. Don't forget that..... :D

I think Bridette is right too that you need to talk to your h2b. You need his reassurance. I think we all need that at some point. You could explain to him that you didn't want to go with him this morning because you don't feel as witty/clever, whatever as she is. That paves the way for him to make you feel good.

I believe that we'll always be attracted to others for different qualities that they possess. It's only natural. You're just not seeing the qualities you have right now that makes YOU the most desirable person to your h2b......the qualities that this other woman does NOT have. Forget about her today, take a look in the mirror and try to remember why your h2b is marrying you. Then I reckon you should do something special for this evening and spend some quality time together.

Take it easy.

Hi Buttons,
Just wondering how you got on with this?

Buttons let us know how you are getting on seeing that the U2 concert is this weekend - personally I would get someone to follow him to see does he meet up with her cos it sounds very suspect to me.

Sorry posted to the completely wrong person - I'm getting a bit diddery in my old age. :oops:

ok , I don't want to sound annoying or anything but everything you wrote I thought was in your head until you said that he said "it's not cold feet" and you never asked him if it was???

i was going to say you are being very jealous over absolutely nothing but after reading that maybe he does have cold feet but don't worry it's probably just pre-wedding jitters!!

ask him!

love
annmarie

Maybe his ex was suspoius of him for the same reasons. Do not put all the blame on yourself he should be mature enough to make sure you do not feel insecure.