I Know this topic has been covered before but I just really need to let off some steam. I am living with H2B for last nine months and we are very happy except for one thing - household chores. He does very little and I feel very taken for granted I have tried talking to him, crying, shouting everything but nothing works!! The crunch came this weekend. I was on a late shift last week (4pm til 12am)and he was home most evenings but he did nothing (I even had to cook dinner before I went to work). Because of my hours I could not get the shopping or anything during the week and we had a fairly busy weekend ahead. His son comes to stay on a friday and he collected him from school at 1.30 and was home in the house for half two. I asked him would he go and get the shopping, I had a list written out but he said he would prefare to get it with me!! I then said if you wont get the shopping will you give the house a tidy over and do the hoovering, he said he might. I got home from work friday night to find the house in a state and no shopping done. So Saturday moring he went off to football training with his son, while I cleaned the house, when he came back we got the shopping, then he went to work and I prepared dinner for Saturday and Sunday. Yesterday my mam came over for dinner. So if feels like I get no weekend at all, because I am trying to sort out the house, do the washing and prepare meals as well as keep an eye on my mam who is not well and lives alone. Sorry for the rant girls but I just needed to get it out of my system.

Superwoman

Superwoman,

Know exactly how you feel my h2b works away Mon - Fri, leaving me our 4 year old to look after. I only work 25 hours a week but when he gets home at the weekend he comes out with lines like "I've been at work all week". Eh what does he think I've been doing. I also just don't know whether he just doesn't see the dirt, ironing, dirty dishes piling up around him or whether he just chooses to ignore them!? Can't offer any advice we have huge rows about it he makes an effort for a few weekends and then slips back into bad habits.

My suggestion would be for you to look after yourself mostly and then look after the rest of the family. If you don't look after #1, who else will?!?

To explain my suggestion would be for you to shop for yourself and then shop for hubbie and then his kid. Look after your space in the house. Unfortunately, blokes don't notice dirt, grime etc unless it has legs and scurries across the carpet!

Try not to let it get you down. If things are really that bad, why don't you jot down exactly what you do around the house, write down what he does and compare it, then sit down as adults and try to share out the housework accordingly.

Apart from that - take bach rescue remedy and curl up in front of the telly with a nice bottle of wine!

I was in a similar situation to you when I first moved in with H2B, but I found that sitting down with him and telling him really calmly how it made me feel did the trick. I explained to him that for me it was a respect issue and that he wasn't respecting me by leaving everything to me.

It seemed to work and things have been better since (although he still isnt the perfect "new man" that I would have liked!!).

Perhaps your partner doesnt really realise how big an issue this is for you?

Not sure what other advice I can give really (apart from going on strike, letting the house get in to a mess and seeing how he likes it!)

Hope that helps,

OctoberBride.

You need to give him a good kick up the behind.....

Sit him down and tell him out straight that xyz has to be done each week then split the chores. Your both working so why should you run around after him?

We have a rota going in our house....

One person does Laundry for the month (no ironing) while the other does the shopping & cleans the house. We swop over at the end of the month.

Cook for ourselves Mon - thurs. Take turns at the weekend. Golden rule- whoever cooks cleans up after.

We each have "our" jobs too....Works for us.

once a slob always a slob!!
This is gonna be a hard habit to break! BUT if you manage it like the other posters suggested you might just save yourself from a life of slavery!! :evil:
A good talk is what you need and if this fails then a few missed shirts, jox and sox and he will soon realise that the washing/ironing doesn't do itself and that footie gear doesn't jump into the machine on its own either!! :lol:

It is very hard to get the scales right but even if he takes on the hoovering and cleaning of kitchen and sittingroom that would leave you with a little time to yourself.

Hope the chat goes well and that your mum is doing a little better.

My problem is that my H2B would happily live with the grime. I moved into his house first before we bought our place together and I spent about 5 days cleaning. He makes me feel that I have high hygiene standards and it doens't have to be done. He says that he doesn't notice it so why do I freak out about it. I have seen him take dirty sweaty football shorts out of the laundry basket to wear again.....am I seriously in love with someone this mingin'??!!!!!

I have asked him to help but he just says I'm bossy so I have to do it all myself and he does say things are lovely when done but I feel I can't ask in case I'm nagging. Its a major problem right now and its going to blow up v v soon. :roll:

Ladies,

As a man, I find myself wondering what you are doing with such pigs? It's the year 2004 - if he's such a d**khead now, what will he be like in 10 or 20 years time?

Either he shapes up or he needs to ship out. There are plenty of better men out there. Don't be blinded by the big day.

I think you'll have to reach a compromise BEFORE you get married - you need to ask yourself if you can live like this for the rest of your life - he's obviously happy enough whether the place is clean or dirty, b ut that's not fair on you - you BOTH need to make comprimises somehow. Have a good think about how you think you can achieve this and have a talk with him before you crack up. I don't envy you..

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