It should come as no surprise that getting married is a big deal. There is so much more to think about than simply planning a wedding. Investing energy and time into your marriage is a big must! We’ve created a list of things you should definitely discuss before marriage. Some of the topics may be difficult, but it is so important to begin your marriage in a place of trust and honesty. Grab a cuppa and make some time to sit down together and discuss these important topics.
1. Your finances
Ask each other this question: what are your finances really like? And then answer honestly. Do you have any debt, credit cards or any unpaid loans? It’s important to discuss this before you possibly overspend on a wedding.
We recommend talking about how you will split your finances moving forward and what you might want to save for.
2. Children
We highly recommend never asking another couple of they want children, but you certainly need to ask your Other Half. If you’re not on the same page, this can lead to heartbreak if you are both hoping the other will change their mind.
If you agree that you do want children, what if having them is not straightforward? Are you open to IVF, adoption, surrogacy or any other routes to becoming parents? For same sex couples, how do you feel about egg or sperm donation?
3. Religion
For some, religion doesn’t have an impact on day-to-day living. Regardless, it’s important to discuss what religion means to you. You might have different religions or different expectations of how religion plays a role in your lives.
4. Wedding
What type of wedding do you actually want? If you’re engaged, it’s a safe assumption that you both want to marry each other. But this doesn’t mean you both want a big wedding or a celebration at all. Make sure you’re on the same page about how you want to commemorate this milestone in your lives.
5. Location
Where do you want to live? Some people genuinely don’t mind where they live, while others have a dream to live in a particular location forever. Establish this early on, and make sure where you want to live is something you agree on.
6. Chores
To save yourself disagreements and resentment down the line, be open about your expectations regarding divvying up household chores and responsibilities.
7. Politics
Do you have the same political views or are they different? If they are different, can you deal with that?
8. Sex life
Be open and honest about how you view your sex life. If something feels not quite right, discuss it. Have you been completely honest with one another about your sexuality? You’re going to marry this person, so be honest with them.
9. Each other’s family
For some, family obligations change when they get married. While, for others, nothing should change. Make sure you are on the same page about how often you want to visit each other’s family and how involved you would like them to be in your life.
10. Celebrations
What holidays are important to you and how would you like to celebrate them? Do you want to alternate celebrating with one another’s family? If you believe birthdays should be a big celebration, but your Other Half doesn’t see the point in cards, you might want to talk this through so you’re on the same page.
11. Career
How important is your career? For some, a job is just a job. While, for others it brings a sense of purpose. A job might keep you located in one area or require you to travel and move often. It could mean you don’t earn much or you have unpredictable working hours. Discuss how attached you are to your job and how you envision work playing a role in day-to-day life.
12. Alone time
It doesn’t seem like a big deal, but it’s something worth discussing. What does alone time look like for you and how important is it for you to prioritise? For some, alone time is a long bike ride or a walk, while others are satisfied with reading a book or watching TV in another room.
13. Deal-breakers
Everybody has them, so talk about what your deal-breakers are and listen to theirs too. Some consider watching porn to be cheating, while others wouldn’t mind. Make sure you’re on the same page!
14. Love languages
This might seem silly, but it’s helpful to know you are demonstrating love to your Other Half in a way that means something to them. An easy way to work this out is to ask: When do you feel most loved by me?
15. Dealing with things
When you’re stressed, do you feel like you should withdraw? Do you journal? Are you quick to getting angry? Understand how your partner would like to deal with things and explain how you would like to.
