Explain, explain, explain… sometimes, it seems that’s all you do, right? People are constantly saying: ‘why don’t you…’, ‘why have you… ‘, ‘you should… ‘, ‘you shouldn’t… ‘ but there are things a bride/couple shouldn’t have to explain to anyone. Your choices are yours alone, and they are the best for you and your OH. So, feel free to let your rebellious side show anytime any of these things crop up.
Don’t explain: not doing what everyone else is doing
Some people will react with pure horror when you tell them you’re not cutting the cake, or having a first dance. Or no speeches! Blimey, your wedding will be practically invalid! There are quite a few things on the ‘everybody is doing it and you should too’ list. All the traditions are on it, the timings, the trendy colours… But where is it written you have to do the same? Nowhere.
So if you are already wilting at the thought of dancing for 3 minutes (which will feel like 300 years) while everyone stares at you, don’t do it. Or if your other half would rather emigrate than do a speech – don’t do it! Everything at your wedding should mean something to you. Otherwise, out. You shouldn’t have to explain to anyone why you want to do things your own way.
Don’t explain: sticking to your guns
Very often, the worst arguments happen with your own family, or OH’s family, over the most trivial things. If you feel your decision is right (even better, OH backs you up 100%), do not budge about anything. Extra people who aren’t on the guest list? No. Invite so-and-so or I’m not coming? No. Bridesmaids refuse to wear what you bought them? No. To paraphrase Beyonce, you’re not bossy, you’re the boss. No explanation needed. Just say, ‘this is my decision and my wedding, thank you very much’.
Don’t explain: having a small wedding
What, a wedding isn’t really a wedding unless there’s a three-digit guest number? Absolutely not! There is only one criterion for an invitation: the couple genuinely want a guest to be there, because they love them, appreciate them, and want to share a very special occasion. And if that means there are 25 people like that, then that’s what you shall have, no apologies or explanations needed. ‘I’m having a small wedding, because that’s what I want’ followed by a smile and a shrug is all that’s needed. Harry and Meghan are having 600 guests. There’s no way they’ll get to talk to them all, really.
Above image from Olivia & Phil’s real wedding by Algarve Weddings by Rebecca
Don’t explain: not having plus-ones
This is quite closely related to the above point. Invites with plus-ones are the quickest way to double your guest list. You run the risk of literally not knowing half the people at your own wedding. Plus-ones are a throwback to the (sometimes good) old days when etiquette required this. Those days are behind us, folks! If anyone asks, just say you have the perfect number of guests, and that’s all you wanted.
Don’t explain: doing it on a budget
‘You only live once’, whispers your mam, sister, chief bridesmaid (delete as appropriate), as you stare at a dress, cake, wedding car, menu (delete as appropriate) that’s going to blow your whole budget. True true, you only live once. But you also want to be smart. You don’t want to still pay for the wedding when the 10th anniversary rolls around. You’ve set a budget, agreed it with OH, and you’re sticking to it, baby! Nobody in their right mind can argue with ‘I want to be smart with my money’. Don’t let anyone sway you, or make you feel bad about spending less than THEY think is appropriate. It’s your money, not theirs.
Don’t explain: expecting your OH to help
A bride shouldn’t have to explain to anyone – especially OH – why she needs help. Come on. A wedding isn’t the Oscars where famous people are just expected to show up and shine. Actually, even they have to do something in return, like presenter duties (well, some of them do). Also, you probably already have a job, and you don’t need a second job that will consume all your free time, including weekends. Set the expectations: OH will help and you will plan this wedding together. Divide that checklist, set due dates, and don’t let any excuse get in the way. It’s their wedding too.
Above image from Trisha & Coran’s real wedding by Memories Photography by Magda
Main image by Eva Derrick Photography via Wedding Bells
