In all seriousness, ladies – everything we’ve written below has actually happened, is happening right now, or will definitely happen at a future hen party. Just make sure it’s not yours, and we’re all good! Here are things you should never do at a hen do.
1. Play saucy games in front of ‘the adults’
Your mum luves ya – you know that. Your future mum-in-law – she wants to know you’re an upstanding citizen with impeccable manners and strong moral values. So if you’ve invited them both to your hen do, don’t play Truth or Dare, or Never Have I Ever, in front of them. The fallout will be worse than an international exposé by Hello Magazine in 23 languages.
2. Discover a hidden athletic talent
You know that talent you never knew you had? Maybe it’s pole dancing, rope walking, or back-vaulting off a table onto the dance floor. Well, the hen do is not the time to show everyone just how bendy you are. Because the next place you’ll find yourself will be a strange hospital where you’ll be the only patient wearing a willy-shaped hat. Don’t say we didn’t warn you!
3. Eat food of unknown origin
Best case scenario – you’ll feel a little puzzled as you survey mysterious take-away boxes littering the hotel room the next day, because you won’t remember eating anything. Worst case scenario – you’ll find yourself in a strange hospital where you’ll be the only patient wearing a willy-shaped hat.
4. Get a personality transplant
You’ve seen it happen, right? The nicest girl in the world turns into a man-mad banshee, a finger-wagging politician, or just an overall surprisingly loud and opinionated person with one shoe missing. What gives? Probably the combo of alcohol, feeling safe in a group, and bare-chested men at eye-level. Try to avoid this, yeah? Or you may just end up in one of the speeches, and then you’ll have to move to Alaska permanently.
5. Book a band you can’t remember
Through the haze of fun and alcohol, it’s easy to see any stage act and think ‘they’re awesome! I want these guys at my wedding!’ Fast forward several days later to a surprise call from the lead singer thanking you for booking their services. You can’t remember a thing… so you go on YouTube, and you find out they’re one of those novelty acts who re-work Top 40 songs on ukuleles and cheese graters.
6. Bring back a ‘souvenir’ you can’t explain
Enough said!
7. Put pictures on social media
Memory a little hazy the next morning? Check what you got up to the night before – before you share it with the world. Agree with the hen party in advance about not posting live-feed photos on Facebook, Instagram and other websites. Wait until the next day, when you can open one eye just a tiny bit and scroll through the mayhem. But for the love of pink confetti, don’t put it all out there before you’ve had a look!
8. Drunk text
Who knows who it might end up going to if your co-ordination isn’t as impeccable as it normally is! And definitely – definitely – don’t text Domino’s Pizza, because the hen do could become the most expensive night of your life. And you’ll become a local celebrity known as ‘the girl who ordered 321 pizzas at her hen do’.
Main image from 10 Fun Little Touches for the Hen Party and Etsy
