Just a generation ago, many couples didn’t have to think about ‘involving the family’ – without the family, there would be no wedding. In the days when the bride’s parents paid for the celebrations, they couldn’t help but be involved with everything from the guest list to decorations. Now, of course, that’s all changed.
It may seem funny to actually have to plan this, but do keep in mind you’re probably having your wedding your way, so most decisions will be made between you and your significant other. Does this make mums and dads feel left out? It may, especially if their own parents were much involved – and that’s on both sides of the family. Here are 22 realistic suggestions on how you can involve family in your wedding planning and the day itself.
Photo from Sarah & Lorcan’s real wedding by Eric Molimard Photography
Before the wedding
Take a look at your giant wedding checklist. Consider which things you’re not really looking forward to, things you’ve started and haven’t finished, and things you’re already worrying about. Can any of these be done by any members of the family?
We’ll entertain a cliché here – your dad, brothers or best man are usually pretty good with cars and booze. Leave it to them to find all the local alternatives for transport, and maybe even great deals on your own wine to bring to the reception (be sure to check the corkage charges first).
If your sister is particularly crafty, get her help with DIY and décor or if your cousin is a dab hand with flowers, let her help with the pew ends or boutonnières – let those closest to you help you make the day all the more personal.
Ask your mum if you have any family heirlooms that can be incorporated into your bouquet, or go for an entire brooch bouquet with the family jewels at the centre. You could even make the bouquet together.
See if you can schedule some time for ladies who lunch – that would be you, your mum and your future mother-in-law. If the budget allows it, grab some pampering, like manicures, pedicures or facials – you can get great deals on Groupon for example.
If you’re having out-of-town guests, they may need assistance finding reasonably priced accommodations close to the venue. Delegate the calling around and the net surfing to a sibling or a cousin.
Ask members of your family or future mother-in-law to come along to wedding dress fittings – of course, only those who you don’t mind showing your dress to.
Your parents could be very helpful when it comes to choosing the menus and wines – perhaps you might like to take them along to the food and wine tasting at your venue or catering company.
Choose one dedicated person to help you gather all the wedding contacts and addresses. You’ll definitely need a spreadsheet of some kind to keep track of sending save-the-dates, invites, then receiving RSVPs and finally – sending thank-you notes. Gathering this info takes time – and it’s a very important task for a reliable person.
Honour your mum by incorporating something from her own wedding into yours. There are plenty of options – use some of her lace for your veil or a cutaway piece to wrap around your bouquet, wear her jewellery, replicate her wedding flowers or boutonnières, ask the photographer to take a photo of you and your new spouse posed in exactly the same way as your parents are in their own wedding photo.
If the budget allows it, arrange a special day or evening just for you and the parents particularly if they won’t be attending the hen or stag. You could go to a concert, an exhibition, a wine tasting, dinner or even the zoo. Think ‘quality time with parents’.
If you’re having a rehearsal dinner, ask both sets of parents to get involved. It would be lovely if you could treat it as a special dinner out, and leave all the details to the others. Remember to say thank you in the speeches for all their efforts.
Photo from Ruth & John’s real wedding by Emma Russell Photography
At the ceremony
It’s customary for the parents to simply arrive and sit down at the ceremony venue, to wait for the bride. Instead, have them walk down the aisle once all the guests have gathered. They can walk in either before the bridesmaids or after, take their seats, then it’s your turn.
Readings are a lovely way to involve members of the family. If you have many siblings, be sure to consider the time it takes for everyone to do a reading and whittle it down to two or three readings.
Ask parents or siblings to be your official witnesses in signing the wedding register – it’s a real honour.
At your ceremony, ask the celebrant if he or she will allow for lighting of candles or gathering of the roses to be incorporated into the official proceedings. Both families can take part in this, to symbolise becoming one big family unit. Parents can also bring up the gifts at church ceremonies.
At a civil or humanist ceremony, you could include your parents in the hand-fasting ceremony, sand ceremony, or the aforementioned candle or rose arrangement.
Photo from Maeve & Dylan’s real wedding by Tomasz Kornas Photography
At the reception
If you’re having a dessert table, make it extra extraordinary by asking willing family members to bake something special. Recognise their efforts by placing a special thank-you sign at the table, or mentioning them in the speeches.
Of course, the speeches – it’s no longer a strict rule that only the guys do the talking – any member of the family can take part, as long as they’re willing.
If anyone is feeling poetic, ask them to write something they could read instead of a speech. We recommend it’s something lighthearted to carry on the happy mood.
Consider having a special dance with the parents – this could be instead of the first dance (they’ll come onto the floor with you if you’re feeling shy), or it could be the second dance. Discuss the songs beforehand – they may have some good suggestions.
Ask the photographer to take special photos of just you, parents and siblings or even hang photos of you and your OH and your families throughout the years around your venue.
Main photo from Aoife & Mark’s real wedding by Michelle Prunty
