Magic Words to Use When Planning a Wedding

Planning & Advice

If a bride had a penny for every cliché she heard about her “special day” then she would be a rich girl in no time! Weddings bring out a curious monster in friends, family, suppliers and even strangers. Suddenly everyone is a wedding expert with heaps of advice. Or, they insist things MUST be done in a certain way. Honestly, it’s enough to drive a girl mad!

When someone is being particularly pushy with their advice, maybe even throwing a proper tantrum or threatening not to come to the wedding, it really helps to understand WHY they are acting this way. Why not ask them? If your mum, for instance, is absolutely insisting you must have a wedding cake when you really want cupcakes, find out why she feels that way? Sometimes there is a really good reason behind the insistence which you may not have even considered. But if she insists because this is what tradition dictates, or because she had this at her own wedding, or because she thinks this is what the guests expect, then you can have a chat and get to the bottom of it. Times have changed and it’s no longer a huge scandal not to follow certain conventions at weddings anymore.

With your happiness in mind, we have put together this very handy and crafty (in the best sense) list of magic words to use when planning a wedding. These words won’t solve all your problems – but they will work a little magic in getting the annoying helpers off your back. Sometimes you’ll have to repeat them over and over to the same person until they actually hear you. Just call it our little course in wedding assertiveness. And smile. You’re welcome.

Let the magic begin!

Most often, we don’t like to say no because we don’t want to offend someone we like or love, which is perfectly natural. The good news is – you don’t have to say no! You have two other options: put it off until later, or say it’s out of your hands. Done.

The key to using the magic words is this: start with a polite phrase, such as thank you, or I’m sorry, or that’s great, followed by a but, followed by a reason or a question and a smile. It’s that simple.

In response to someone giving you unwanted suggestions

That’s a great suggestion, but I’ll have to ask H2B what he thinks!

What a great idea, H2B and I will discuss it tomorrow!

My fiancé and I have already decided on this together, thanks though for your great idea!

I’m sorry you don’t like the shoes/the dress/the colour – if you really want to wear the other thing then you are welcome to come as a guest and I’ll ask Jenny/my niece/H2B’s cousin to be the other bridesmaid?

See what you’ve done here? You’ve just reminded the person that there are two people in this wedding – you and your H2B – and you won’t be making this decision alone. It’s funny how most people bother the bride with these things, but not the groom? So put the groom back in the picture – you don’t have to handle this yourself.

Here’s “it’s out of my hands” approach

Thank you for your suggestion, but I’m afraid we’ve already paid the deposit and we can’t back out.

We’d love to add another guest/your partner to the guest list, but I’m afraid we’ve already given the final numbers to the venue and they can’t be changed.

That’s a great idea we’ve actually already considered, but we’re restricted by space/numbers/suppliers, how unfortunate!

I wish you’d told me about your photographer/cake maker/décor idea sooner, too bad I already booked/bought it!

This is the “higher powers are at work here” approach, and we all know you just can’t argue with things like the budget, can you?

To avoid the topic altogether

I’d love to have a chat about this, but I’m having a wedding-free day – tell me what you’ve been up to instead!

Nobody argues with a wedding-free day… it’s a bride’s well-earned right!

To answer the question WHY are you having things this way and not that way

Because I wanted to! (insert big smile)

Because it’s my wedding day! (insert even bigger smile)

Because I really wanted this and I had to throw a total bridezilla tantrum to get it! (yes this is a joke, but it works!)

Because it’s our wedding day, and we love it that you’ll come to be a part of it.

The only reason anything should ever happen at a wedding is because the bride and groom wanted it that way.

To get something extra from a supplier

I have €€€ to spend, what can you do for me for that price?

This item is above my budget, is the price negotiable or can you throw in any freebies?

Your silver/gold/winter package deal is great, are any of the items negotiable? (for example, you don’t want chair covers or canapés, but you’d like an extra item added to the evening buffet menu instead)

The key here is to ASK for stuff, not be TOLD how much things cost. Turn the tables by telling the venue or supplier how much money you actually have and ask what they can do for you. Leave yourself a little room to negotiate as well, in case the deal is too good to miss.

To someone asking how much your wedding is costing/cost

Ah, but you can’t put a price on a perfect day!

The price doesn’t matter when we’re so happy to have everyone we love here!

I’m so happy, I forgot all about the cost!

It’s rude to ask how much a wedding costs, but some of your family and friends will ask anyway. You don’t have to tell them if you don’t want to!

Easy when you know how, isn’t it? You don’t have to worry about saying no or being impolite – all you have to do is be a little assertive. Tell us if these worked for you, or if you have any magic phrases that worked for you – share them!

Main image from Anna & David’s real wedding by Aspect Photography