Cathal Cully and Rebecca Wilson met on Plenty of Fish over ten years ago, and after more than a decade together, Cathal proposed at a family Christmas party with a little help from Santa via Cameo. It's a proposal story that's already lovely on its own. But what makes Cathal and Rebecca's wedding planning journey so worth sharing is how they're approaching the big day itself, with both of them late diagnosed as neurodivergent and determined to create a wedding that actually works for how their brains operate.
Cathal is autistic and was also diagnosed with ADHD as a child, though it later became clear that diagnosis wasn't quite right. Rebecca was diagnosed with ADHD around six months ago and is currently waiting on paperwork for an autism diagnosis too. For couples in a similar position, planning a wedding with autism and ADHD can throw up challenges that traditional wedding planning advice simply doesn't cover. Cathal and Rebecca have kindly shared their experience, along with some genuinely useful tips.
When hyperfocus meets ADHD brain fog
Interestingly, the pair found that being neurodivergent sped some things up. "We had an itinerary written out with prices, timelines, what we were doing and how we were going to do it, and we put down a lot of deposits quite quickly," Cathal explained, putting it down to how intensely they can focus once something matters to them.
For Rebecca, ADHD brought a different challenge: keeping track of the sheer number of moving parts. Emails, phone calls, supplier updates, and remembering what stage each booking was at all added up quickly. Her advice is to build systems early rather than trying to hold it all in your head. A shared wedding planning spreadsheet or app, with clear columns for what's booked, what's paid and what's still outstanding, can take a huge amount of pressure off.
Related: Download the free weddingsonline wedding planning app to help you keep track of all your wedding planning decisions!
Letting go of "how it's supposed to be done"
A recurring theme in Cathal and Rebecca's planning has been quietly setting aside traditions that don't actually suit them. They're having four bridesmaids and three groomsmen instead of matching numbers, two flower girls and three page boys so every niece and nephew gets involved, and Cathal is wearing a silicone wedding ring rather than a traditional metal band, since he finds the feel of metal uncomfortable.
None of these are dramatic changes, but they matter. As Rebecca put it, people often assume that changing things for sensory reasons means removing the fun entirely, picturing a silent disco instead of a proper party. That's not the case at all. "We still want the music, dancing and atmosphere at the end of the night. We just want to make it a little less overwhelming."
What a sensory friendly wedding actually looks like
So what does planning a wedding with autism and ADHD look like in practice? For Cathal and Rebecca, it comes down to a few clear, practical choices:
- Guest numbers. Keeping the day to around 80 to 100 close family and friends helps keep the atmosphere calmer and more manageable.
- Lighting and sound. Lower level lighting and reduced noise where possible, with a quiet room available throughout the day for anyone, guest or couple, who needs a break.
- A clear itinerary. Letting guests know roughly what's happening and when removes the stress of not knowing if there's time to check into a room or freshen up before photos.
- Comfortable attire. Rebecca is skipping fake tan and traditional heels in favour of cowboy boots or Converse, in keeping with their venue's rustic style.
- An accessibility form for all guests. Not just for neurodivergent guests, but for anyone with a visual or physical disability, hidden or otherwise, who might need a small accommodation on the day.
They've also swapped a traditional DJ handover for one act, Scruffy Duffy, who plays through the meal and into the evening before finishing at midnight, after which the couple's own playlist takes over. Guests who are ready for bed can slip away without the night feeling like it's supposed to keep going.
Finding suppliers who genuinely get it
Cathal and Rebecca have been upfront with every supplier about what they need, and say the response has been overwhelmingly positive. Their venue, Seagrave Barns, told them plainly that it's their day and they'll accommodate whatever they can. Celebrant Vanessa Cooney has built the ceremony around what feels meaningful to the couple, including a handfasting, rather than what's traditionally expected.
It's a good reminder for any couple, neurodivergent or not, that it's worth having an honest conversation with suppliers early on. Most people in the wedding industry genuinely want to help you have the day you actually want, not the one a magazine says you should have.
Top tips for planning a wedding with autism or ADHD
- Be honest with your suppliers early. The best ones will work with you, not around you.
- Build a simple tracking system for bookings and deadlines so nothing slips through the cracks.
- Give yourselves, and your guests, permission to step away from the party if it gets overwhelming.
- Say no to traditions that don't serve you. Uneven numbers, unconventional rings and non traditional ceremonies are all completely valid.
- Sit down together without outside opinions in the room and get clear on what you both actually want before you start booking.
- Remember you don't owe anyone an explanation for every decision.
As Cathal summed it up, "It's your wedding and you have to create a day that works for you."
Cathal and Rebecca are also the founders of Different Minds, Same Heart, a campaign raising awareness around autism, ADHD and late diagnosis, born out of their own experience and a wish to challenge some of the stigma around it. Their wedding will double as a real world example of what sensory considerate celebrations can look like, and we'll be keeping an eye on how it all comes together.
If you're planning a wedding and want a day that feels like you, sensory considerate or otherwise, browse weddingsonline's supplier directory to find people who'll listen to what actually matters to you.
