Wedding season is almost upon us so it's about now when some of the biggest wedding stresses rear their head! It's the time of guest list arguments (again), seating plan dilemmas and checklist trauma. That’s a lot for one wee lovely person (the bride) to handle! So, we are putting down our collective wisdom, and hopefully we will help a little, or a lot, if/when things get out of hand.
Case 1: you are panic-buying stuff for the wedding
Not only is the budget quaking, but your imagination is too. You are trying to picture the reception tables, but they look so bare! Must add stuff! You already got gifts for the bridesmaids, but they suddenly seem so… small and boring. Must find new ones! Is there going to be enough food for everyone? What if we run out? Must call the caterer! On and on like that. You could spend a second budget like this, very easily.
The antidote is very simple. Before you panic-buy anything else, ask yourself this question ‘will this truly make a difference to my wedding?’ More stuff on tables… will it? Even more gifts… will it? Shouldn't I just trust the caterers? The truth is, if you pause and truly think about it, most of the time the answer will be no. Things get out of hand easily when it comes to money. This one question realy helps.
Case 2: you feel you are all alone with all the planning problems
The wedding date is getting close, and everyone you know has divided into two camps (roughly speaking): those who are causing even more problems, and those who somehow think you no longer need any help. Complete opposites, basically. You feel like deleting your entire contact list from your phone just so you can think straight. Eloping suddenly seems very attractive.
Here’s the question you should be asking: am I asking my OH enough for their help/support/opinion? Your OH should step up here and be the wall in front of you. The wall that keeps all problems away, and also the brain that comes up with at least some of the answers. You are not all alone with all the planning problems, you have your OH! If OH has been a bit distant towards the whole wedding thing, now is the time to draw them back in. When things get out of hand, OH must step up.
Case 3: on your quest for perfection, you fell way behind
It’s 3 months to the wedding, and you still haven’t got the perfect bridesmaids’ dresses. No funky Lego boutonniere for the groom. No sign for the flower girl to hold. And the napkins still don’t match the centrepieces! Disaster!
Solution: take a deep breath, and repeat until it sinks in: the wedding is about me and my OH. The wedding is about me and my OH. Etc, etc.
Continue for as long as you need. You see, the whole point of the day is completely unrelated to bridesmaids’ dresses, signs or napkins. Those things simply don’t matter in the day itself. Sure, they will live on in your photo album, but do you think you’ll be looking at the pictures on your 10th anniversary and thinking ‘I really should have bought those blue dresses from Arnotts’? Of course not. You’ll be remembering the emotions, the laughter, and the dad dancing. Napkins? Never.
Case 4: you’re not sleeping at night worrying something will go wrong
That’s normal before important events, but only when it applies to things that actually matter. But those things, you can predict. For example, you worry your limo will be late. The venue will burn the food. The DJ won’t show up at all. So many things can go wrong!
We’re happy to tell you, these things are easy to fix! Instead of worrying and doing nothing about it, all you need is a plan B. Like this: call the limo company and ask what will happen if for some reason they don’t show up (flat tyre, ill driver, they got the time wrong). Get them to tell you what they do in that case (and send it in an email!). And then, get on the phone to a local taxi company and ask if they have a clean van in case someone in a big white dress needs to climb into it. Now tick this worry off your list. Next!
But, it may also be the case you are worrying about ‘something that may go wrong’ but you can’t specify what it is. Cause it could be a million things, right? Boring reception, not enough canapes. Here’s the answer: it’s pretty likely something WILL actually go wrong and it won’t be a big deal. A person in charge will swiftly get to work making it right, and most of the guests won’t even notice something’s amiss. When things get out of hand, remember: on the day itself, you won’t be solving any problems on your own.
Above image from Roisin & Richard's real wedding by Paul Duane Photography
Case 5: nothing matches anything and your wedding is doomed
You may as well cancel the whole thing. You wanted a particular colour purple, but everything arrives just a shade or two off. Everything looks so perfect on Pinterest, dammit, why can’t your wedding? Will all your pictures end up looking like a bad Photoshop job?
No, of course not. Here’s a comforting truth: nobody notices the details but you. Let’s do a little test. Think of the last few weddings (or big parties) you’ve been to. Do you remember the flowers, what you had for dessert, and whether the tablecloths matched the carpet? You probably don’t (unless it was so spectacular, it may as well have been the Oscars or something).
Trust us, no guest ever said: 'this wedding would have been perfect if only the groomsmen’s ties matched the sashes on the chairs.' Cause that’s just silly.
Case 6: you never heard so much ‘you should’ in your entire life
You got this wedding thing rolling. Just a few months to go, things are pretty much under control. Except… other people’s opinions! ‘You shoulds’ are coming thick and fast now. It feels a bit like you are Serena Williams’s tennis buddy aka practice target. You should buy this! Uninvite that person! You shouldn’t have a first-look photo with OH!
Heyyy, ok there, hold on. The answer is very simple. If you don’t want this advice, just say ‘I should nothing’. Depending on how much you like the advice giver, say it cheerfully or firmly. Because the truth is, you should nothing. You should only do what you think is right. When they are planning their own wedding, they can listen to their own ‘should’ advice. We know this sounds quite simple, and that’s because it is. If you’d like a few more words of encouragement, here are a few things a bride shouldn't have to explain to anyone.
Main photo from Samantha & Samuel's wedding by Algarve Weddings by Rebecca
