You may be in an awkward situation where people closest to you just don’t understand what’s important to you. Maybe your bestie keeps recommending suppliers she used for her wedding but just don’t match the style you’re after. Or maybe your mom keeps overwhelming you with ideas and suggestions that you don’t love.
Either way, it’s time to advocate for your wedding vision and priorities! Here’s how:
Episode breakdown
Know your priorities
First, you’ve got to know what your vision is and what your priorities are.
This isn’t just about choosing colours and picking a theme (although those are very helpful parts of the process), but it’s more about identifying what you want your wedding to feel like and what you want the experience of your guests to be.
You can listen to Episode 33 for more details about this. In the episode we explain the specific steps you can take and questions you can ask to determine what your wedding will look and feel like
Write them down
It’s not enough to have some ideas in your head… you’ve got to put pen to paper and articulate what’s important to you.
If you really want to advocate for the things that are important to you, you need to write them down. Sit down with your partner and make a list of the things you are each most invested in. Every couple’s list will be different!
It might be something like:
- Our full guest list of 200 people [venue].
- The most fun party [a great band/DJ].
Or something like this:
- A sophisticated meal [the food and drinks].
- The flowers and decor.
There’s no wrong answer – you’re literally listing the things that are important to you!!
The reason it’s helpful to write this down is that you can keep coming back to this list. When creating a budget (more on this in a moment), when you’re choosing suppliers, setting a date, making concrete plans with friends and family and so on, you can keep referring to this list of priorities.
Create an appropriate budget
Your wedding budget is a tangible way to put focus on what’s important to you.
It’s not your overall total that matters, but the proportion of your budget you are setting aside for different things. If something is important to you, you’ll make sure not to skimp.
The reverse is true too – if something is less important to you, it’s not worth stressing about.
With the examples we used earlier:
- Full guest list of 200 people – you’ll make it a priority to find a venue that can accommodate the full guest list.
- The party – you’ll allocate enough money to hire a really great band and DJ.
And this one:
- A sophisticated meal – you’ll put a focus on hiring a venue that comes with world class chefs.
- The decor and flowers – you won’t be tempted to grab bouquets off the high street.
Work with professional suppliers
Truly, the best way to make sure your priorities are in full focus is to work with a team of expert suppliers. It’s their job to understand your vision and bring it to life.
A professional wedding planner’s strengths are in keeping you, your budget and your plans on track.
Sure, they’ll offer suggestions, but they also know the boundaries and will know what’s best for you based on the things that are important to you!
And worst case scenario: your wedding planner will become one of your wedding besties and totally won’t mind if you blame things on them. If your mom keeps suggesting things you don’t like, with your planner’s permission, you could say something like “Oh I asked our planner and she didn’t think that would work”.
Be OK with possible awkward conversations
If somebody keeps pushing you to book things you don’t want to book, or if someone just doesn’t understand your vision at all, you may need to talk to them about it.
Start being OK with having uncomfortable conversations. But do it kindly.
Scenario: your venue coordinator recommends hosting the ceremony in a different room to the one you had in mind.
Solution: “The room you’ve suggested is really beautiful, but we’ve chosen a ‘greenery’ theme and would really love to host the ceremony outdoors. Is there an option to have your recommended venue as our backup in case of rain?”
Scenario: Your aunt keeps showing you photos of a wedding she went to and suggesting decor ideas you don’t love at all.
Solution: “This wedding is so pretty, thanks for sharing. We’ve chosen a really different theme though so I don’t think this decor will match what we’re planning. I don’t want to ruin the surprise though, so keep an eye out on the day!”
Be realistic
There will be times when something you REALLY want for your wedding just isn’t possible. It might be that your dream venue isn’t available on your wedding date. Maybe your budget simply won’t stretch as far as you need it to.
So this is my gentle reminder to be realistic about what’s important to you and what you can actually achieve.
No matter what, your day will be incredible! And if you’re realistic about what’s possible, you’ll find that the process becomes much less stressful.
