It’s not until you are staring at a blank screen with a mild dose of existential dread, that you realise that writing a wedding speech is… Well, hard.
Harder than you expected. Harder than it should be, considering you love this person or couple. But somehow, when it’s your job to sum them up in five funny, sincere minutes, your brain packs the bag and leaves the building.
Whether you are the bride or groom, the best man, a reluctant bride or a new in-law, here is what no one tells you, but I absolutely will.
Google and AI are not your friend.
Everyone’s first instinct? Search “best wedding speech ever!” Don’t. The internet is a black hole full of generic one-liners, recycled gags and things your cousin probably already said at their wedding in 2014. Trust me, if it opens with the words “Marriage is like a roller-coaster”, you’ve probably lost them at the first bend.
What should you do instead? Recount a story that only you can tell…. A feeling. A look. A laugh. Start there and you are off…. No chatbot in California required.
You’ll want to cram in every story – Don’t.
Here’s the truth – You don’t need to fit it all in.
A great wedding speech isn’t a CV of the couple’s relationship. Pick one or two stories – the ones that make people laugh or give a nod of recognition. This is enough. Think of it as your chance to show the couple off a little, in a way that only you can, on the biggest day or their lives.
And just because you can tell a mortifying story, doesn’t mean you should.
The funny bit isn’t always the hardest.
Most people panic about trying to be funny. Truthfully, it is the honest bit that is trickier. The part where you say, why you care. Why these people matter and why this couple actually make sense, even if one is chronically disorganised and the other alphabetises the spice rack!
If you are brave enough to go there without a sob fest – it lands better than someone trying to funny.
And if you are not naturally funny. Don’t force it – be you as that will be more than enough.
Someone is probably missing – And that’s okay to acknowledge.
This one is rarely talked about, but it comes up every time I’m asked to write a speech. “How do you mention someone who has passed away.”
The truth is, if you want to – do.
Gently.
One line is often enough to bring them back into the room. I help people with this and make sure that the speaker doesn’t derail at the moment of delivery.
This doesn’t have to be dramatic, and you are not pressing pause on the celebrations; you are just leaving a little space for someone who matters. And sometimes, those are the lines that people remember most.
You might cry when writing your speech – It happens more than you think!
There might be a moment between paragraph one and two, where you find yourself unexpectedly welling up.
It’s the same kind of surprise as crying while choosing your ceremony songs or getting emotional when the guest list finally fits on one page – You didn’t see it coming, but there it is.
Believe me, this is a great sign. It means that you are hitting the right note. So keep going. You are not filing a tax return – it’s allowed to feel like something. And it should.
If writing speeches isn’t your thing…. Don’t worry – it is very much mine!
Writing a wedding speech isn’t for everyone. Some people love it. Some people stare blankly at the cursor for three weeks, and hope that inspiration arrives via osmosis.
And that’s okay.
You wouldn’t make your wedding dress, nor would you tailor you own suit… You’d let the professionals handle things that matter – the same goes for the words.
When you have a well written speech that sounds like you – it can become one of the best bits of the day.
Writing a speech can feel like climbing a mountain, but when you do it, the views is worth it – I promise!
Melanie x.
Words by Melanie – Instanza
Featured image – Laura and Benny Photography
