1st baby-due to be bridesmaid in Italy 2 months after birth

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pregnantbm Posts: 1
Hi all - I'm gone anon as my b2b best friend is often on here. I'm due to be cheif bridesmiad to my best friend next year. I've just discovered I'm pregnant (with my first baby) and am due just over 2 months before her wedding in Italy. If the wedding were here in Ireland I wouldn't think twice but am unsure about travelling so soon after giving birth. Should I tell my friend I can't be bridesmaid or will I be fine when the time comes? There will be no children at this wedding so it would mean leaving the baby at home for long weekend with family... I havn't a clue.. Help..!
marriedLife Posts: 1881
pregnantbm my brother was groomsman for his best mate in Spain 8 weeks after their baby was born this year. They still went but only went for 4 days. My SIL's mother and sister minded the baby while they were gone away. They said they had a great time. My SIL breastfed - she made sure she had a good bit of BM frozen and then they also used formula as well. If you want to go and are fit & able (fingers crossed) then work away - it's doable
RJR Posts: 962
Hi, Congratulations! Personally I wouldn't do it. You could have a great delivery and a very easy baby and be feeling fine two months later, but you never know and as you'd be bridesmaid it'd be terrible to let your friend down at the last minute. If you were just a guest I'd say wait and see, but its not the type of thing you can do as a bridesmaid I hope you do have an easy labour and recovery and baby, but if you were to have a caesarean or a baby with colic or reflux you'd be feeling terrible if you had to choose between letting your friend down at the last minute or leaving your baby. Unless your friend is very easy going and would have a 'stand in' chief bridesmaid if you couldn't make it...that would be the perfect solution ? I'm sure she'll be really happy for you either way...congrats again
Nadie Posts: 1111
Hi there, Personally, I'd pull out, and I'd tell her ASAP so she can get someone else sorted. A girl I know was due to be bridesmaid abroad and then found out she was due two months after the wedding and she pulled out and got replaced. It was no problem. The reasons I wouldn't do is cos it could end up being more like 6 weeks after giving birth if you go late, I know I would find it too difficult to leave the little baby at home, and how on earth are you supposed to know what size to get the dress in - you have no idea how much weight you'll put on or how slowly or quickly it will come off. I'm sorry if I sound really negative, just letting you know what I would do, and I hope you're able to make your decision soon. Congrats on your pregnancy, I hope it goes smoothly for you.
Bright Flower Posts: 483
Congrats on your pregnancy! I would discuss it with your friend (either now or at 12 weeks, whichever you feel more comfortable with). It really depends on what kind of peron she is (and you are) in terms of dealing with some uncertainly around the wedding. We got married in Italy and my sister was chief bridesmaid 2 and half months after having her baby and it worked fine. She brought the baby with her (which I think does make it easier - and perhaps your friend would be accomodating for such a young baby if you feel at the time you need to bring him/her). She got a dress in a bigger size than normal and had it altered just before the wedding. My DH's sister came to the wedding (as a guest) just 2 weeks after her DD was born! But obviously we didn't know till the last minute if she could make it. And my DH's best man wasn't able to make it as his wife was expecting - baby was overdue so they were still waiting. We were fairly flexible about the whole thing - DH wanted to keep his best mate as best man officially - he did lots of organising for the stag etc, but on the day then the "co-best man" did the speech etc. If the bride is fairly chilled out, then you could still officially be bridesmaid, as long as there 1 or 2 other bridesmaids who can help out on the day. If you think it will stress her (and you) too much to have some uncertainly then perhaps best to offer to pull out.
Winter B2B Posts: 3494
My personal opinion would be that you should pull out. For two reasons: From the brides point of view: Having been a bride with a pregnant bridesmaid, it just added extra stress that I didn't need. Then on the day, she was no use as a bridesmaid. For you:don't put extra pressure on yourself. Enjoy the fun of been a new mum and not worrying about whether you'll be up to going or doing your duty. this way if you are up to going to Italy then you and DH can have a nice break in Italy. And if you're not bridesmaid your friend might be ok with you bringing the new babs. Also whichever you decide, do it sooner rather than later so she'll have a chance to ask someone else.