1st scan yesterday Midwife not very nice over BMI

We've Moved!

Our wonderful discussion forums have now moved to Facebook...

Click to join us in our HIGM ("Help I'm Getting Married") group!

May 08 Wife Posts: 1642
Hi all I had my first hospital appointment yesterday so i had a scan and it established that im 11 weeks and 5 days so due April 15th. Anyway i also met the midwife for a 'chat'. She wasnt very nice to me to be honest. This is my 2nd baby and this time around they calculated my BMI which they def didnt do on my 1st pregnancy. Anyway i didnt loose all my baby weight from my 1st and i have gained alot already in this pregnancy (im told its normal to be bigger on subsequesnt pregnancies) so i have at least 7-10lbs gained already and fairly showing and finding it hard to hide and very few of my clothes still fit me. Anyway my BMI was 32 yesterday and the midwife gave out to me and asked me do i exercise at all and all the risks i am putting the baby at because of my weight and the increased chances of diabetes etc. She made me feel as if i was 20 stone and she really upset me to be honest. She herself was a very slim woman and i was never slim even before i had my 1st baby. Am i letting what she said get to me too much or has anyone else similar experience?
peachesncream Posts: 34
Hi there, Sorry to hear that she upset you. I will never understand how some of these so called professionals cant act in such a terrible manner. There are ways of saying things so that you can get your point across without being a b*tch. Dont let her get to you I know its hard though. I had a bad experience with the sonograpgher this week, it was for my anomaly scan, she was in a foul humour the minute we entered the room. Our baby seems to be a little live wire never stpos moving which I think is great. When she was doing scan she started giving out about baby moving about so much and that she was running late, hardly the childs fault or ours for that matter, her maner was terrible throughout the apt and all she did was sigh and complain. I was really annoyed and sorry I didnt say something. So like you I will be better prepared the next time and i'm taking no sh*t from anyone, how dare they! Hope you feel better :action32
CocoBeans Posts: 841
How can they calculate your BMI when you are almost 12 weeks pregnant - how does THAT make any sense? MY BMI was within normal range before I got pregnant but I gained lots of weight already but it's all around my tummy. If anything I think my arms are slimmer. Take a deep breath and relax, everyone knows it's not ideal to gain too much too quickily but making you feel bad isn't going help. She sounds like a right b1tch. People like that catch you off guard. If she had a concern about your weight, she should have had good suggestions to help not attack you. It's easy to say don't let her get to you but I know these things can really hurt. I think as long as you eat healthily is doesn't matter if you gain some weight. Well that's what I'm telling myself ;o) Chin up and just focus on your wonderful little bub.
xx fairy mommy xx Posts: 1833
My bmi was calculated at my 16 week booking in appointment! My dr has never even weighed me, but didn't have same nasty experience as you - was just told will be tested for GD and all was grand! Your wan sounds like such a misery - very helpful altogether :eek try not let her get to you / hard with the hormones racing and with one baby already I'm sure you're knackered and it was all you need! Your body is obviously well equipped to provide a nest for babs and that's all that matters!
bridalnowmam Posts: 2202
I am so sorry you had to experience this. People can be so cruel and hurtful especially at a time when you are more emotional and more sensitive, it should be a time of joy but some midwives do not make it that I wont lie i am a big fatso so getting pregnant the 2nd time around entails exactly what you have experienced every single time. One midwife told me 'why bother weighing you' in other words i am a lost cause inrelation to weight. At every scan i am nervous however i am getting stronger. I paid 2500euros last time to ave my DS private and this was the midwife who got on to me, this time i will not be accepting that treatment and i feel she can see i am stronger. I had a hospital scan about 2 weeks ago with the lovliest midewife i have ever met. She was thrilled for me, showed me how healthy my baby was 'even using the word 'healthy', it was the experience i had dreamed of having. I even mentioned it to my consultant, i was so happy Sorry if i am rambling but my point is that they are all different. They can be very cruel talking about weight now, you will ineviatably put on more during pregnancy but its not like you dont care about it. The main thing is that you and the baby remain healthy throughout and do your best diet wise. I really hope you dont have to meet that rude woman again, be delighted with yourself that you have gotten pregnant, think how lucky we all are. She is just a rude woman who needs to learn some manners I hope you are ok, PM me anytime :wv
pag Posts: 633
I'm sorry to hear that the midwife upset you. Did she have any constructive advice for you at all? it sounds as if she was completely attacking rather than helpful in her 'chat'. I probably will give a very unpopular view but I can see it from her side. Even though she calculated your BMI now while you are 11weeks pg, I think she probably was just trying to ensure that you were aware of the importance of exercising (30mins a day) and eating correctly (less fat more protein/carbs and if at all possible lay off the sugar). Having a high BMI (25+ is overweight and 30+ is obese) can cause serious problems for pregnancy and delivery even if baby is completely healthy and imo it would have been remiss of the midwife not to bring these issues up (it's their remit) . However, she obviously thinks that scare tactics work best which isn't very professional. Best way to deal with people like that is to say you are aware of your weight and are doing your best. Or even ask for advice or referral to dietitian to get professional advice. While I think she should have dealt with it better, I do think that you have to be somewhat prepared for more midwives over the course of our pregnancy to bring your weight up.
snowbear Posts: 2107
Hmm, I'm going to be unpopular and agree with Pag to an extent. It's a bit like the recent thread on Midwives talking about BF - they have a job to do, they have to promote what's healthiest for Mam and baby and they do need to point out things like weight, BF, blood pressure and all those other isses. HOWEVER I also think health professionals have a duty of care and that includes being sensitive when dealing with people, and that means realising they are human and not just statistics. So absolutely she needed to be constructive and tell you about ways to stay healthy but there are ways to do this and ways not to do it. - that story of someone being told 'there is no point in weighing you' is horrific and I assume counter productive as most of us run for the chocolate when we are miserable and upset! So yeah I think it's fair enough to raise it but in a constructive not destructive manner.
CocoBeans Posts: 841
I don't think the OP was asking for advice about her weight. She didn't come here looking for advice about exercise or healthy eating, as pointed out the original post - she got that from the midwife. It's the midwife job to point out the health risks, but to ALWAYS be polite and respectful. No midwife has the right to demean someone. Stress is a serious health risk during pregnancy and that's exactly what the MW is causing. I understand that people are just trying to help but I don't think that the help that May08Wife was looking for.
Emme Posts: 4735
[quote="bridal":3mtclxmo]One midwife told me 'why bother weighing you' [/quote:3mtclxmo] :eek :eek :eek :eek Thats a shocking way to be treated! God almighty have they no sense. But, I will be unpopular too and agree with Pag and Miranda H, the way you were treated was completely unnecessary...I don't like being spoken to like I'm an idiot from anyone no matter how much more they know than me, there is a nice but direct way of telling people what they need to do without making them feel like sh1te. I piled on the weight on DS..think I managed to put on about 2 stone in the first 20 -22 weeks and then put on feic all for the rest so you might be like me and frontloading the weight gain! We're just being efficient! wv