Hiya girls - thought I would post here as I know it gets a lot of traffic..
Situation is as follows: I'm having 3 BMs - my sis, my bro's girlfriend and one other friend of mine. It was a toss up between two friends, lets call them A and B. A I've known for a number of years and over the years I promised her she could be BM. H2B is having her partner as one of the GM.. Although in recent times we have drifted apart as we live so far away from each other now.. B is a great friend of mine and I know she would do a fab job.. Anyway I asked A for the reasons outlined about.. Her initial reaction was NO, but she said later that she thought I was joking and yes she would like to do it.. Then we had a bit of heart to heart later on, she said some v hurtful things about me.. I can't go too much into the background in case someone recognises me but basically she said she didn't believe I was engaged till she seen a photo of the ring (we were away at the time) cos she didn't think i was committed to h2b. Also said that she detached herself from me for a while and didn't want to reply to my emails. Myself and H2b went away travelling for a number of months, she thought I did this to get a FREE holiday - WTF - I paid my own way.. Anyway eveything was left fine in the conversation, I asked her did she defo want to do it and she said yes.. But I feel now there is an atmosphere between us and not too sure if I want her.. I know I'd be more than happy with B, I know I should have just asked her in the first place and suited myself.. I really don't know what to do - all advice appreciated.. Sorry I know its long...
Fifi if asking B makes you happier then that is what I would do, at the end of the day its your day and you don't want someone you'll regret staring back at you from your wedding album
[quote="New Years Eve Bride":2gytu5nn]Fifi if asking B makes you happier then that is what I would do, at the end of the day its your day and you don't want someone you'll regret staring back at you from your wedding album[/quote:2gytu5nn]
Great advice, have to agree!
I agree with the NYEB - you have 15 months until your wedding - do you really want to feel like this for the next 15 months? Planning a wedding can be stressful enough without the added stress of not getting on with your bm. She had no right to speak to you the way she did. Bin her & ask B.
I would tell her you don't want her as BM to be honest she sounds like she doesn't really respect you at all, go for a real friend.
Ca cest moi
[quote="New Years Eve Bride":1lf2cmt4]Fifi if asking B makes you happier then that is what I would do, at the end of the day its your day and you don't want someone you'll regret staring back at you from your wedding album[/quote:1lf2cmt4]
I agree, tell her that she expressed the way she felt to you and that you find it only fair to do the same.
That you do want to keep your friendship (if you do of course) but that you do not feel that she is the best person to be a bridemaid considering how she has viewed your and h2b's relationship and that you are asking someone else.
Dont be rude but don't ask her does she want to do it, just politely say I am asking B instead.
Good Luck with it.
I would definitely go with B. Why would you want someone standing with you that doesn't respect you or believe that you're committed to your H2b. There will always be an atmosphere between you now no matter how much you think that your last conversation was left ok. She is doubting every bit of you and thats not a friend. A friend is someone whos loyal, trusting, respectful of your decisions and from what you're saying she's none of the above. The 'pacts' we make growing up shouldn't matter if a friendship dwindles. I'd much prefer to have someone who is at my side through thick and thin and who believes in me and my decisions.
I hope this works out for you otherwise it's really going to take the excitement out of planning your wedding. . . Go with your other genuine friend
absolutely. after what she said to you (it was well out of order for her to make comments like that, by the way) she has no reason to be surprised if you dump her as bm. she was well out of order to say any of those things, they are none of her concern even if you werent committed to your h2b, although im sure you are. even if you werent, thats none of her business anyway - thats between you and h2b, and its not for her to criticize you on something only you can ever know. have B, id say you could regret having A in years to come
I wouldn't want that girl standing beside me on my wedding day. I'd ask the other girl and have some peace of mind if I was you