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baba09 Posts: 4
Hi ladies, im a regular poster on here but have changed my username for this end of things!!! Im just looking for some advice... Firstly i suppose ill say we're very careful i'm on the pill and we use condoms....but i've been broody for months! I LOVe kids....and i think having something that is only mine and h2b's, not the banks or the credit unions is just unbelievable. I love knowing pregnant women and asking them all the questions and feeling the babies kick...i lvoe everything bar the weigt gain lol!!!!! Anyway....im only in my early 20's and h2b is mid 20's....some would say im too young for a baby but i know plenty of people my age with kids. I'd like to have a planned baby rather than an accident....then again with me being young, my mam is only young and is expecting....but in saying that if we only start trying it'd be prob next summer again we had a baby. I suppose im just looking for some reasurance on what to do! Im afraid of money being tight when i go on maternity leave, h2b's wages would cover the bills and mortgage but we'd have to live off maternity pay for shopping and our CU loan, petrol.....which i dont think would get us by. As my job dont pay maternity leave i know the girls have all saved for the 9 months to help them out. We wouldnt have to buy much, just the few bits for the hospital, we can get buggy, high chair, bath, monitors ...all that kinda thing from family members as they usually pass it on to whoever has a baby....we're 95% sure we'd love a baby but the other 5% says "we cant just drop everything and head on the beer and everything will take more planning like days out and holidays" ...its not that it bothers me, it'd be a bit of getting used to but as a baby is a 24/7 365 days job you cant change the fact that your life will most definatle change..... im not sure im even making any sence coz ive so much to say but if anyone has any advice of what we should or shouldnt do or if we should try for a baby i'd be very greatful. Thanks PS: We know we would prob have to put our wedding off an extra 6 months or a year and i dont think it would be a problem.... but i also think it could be a good thing because we wont have as much disposable income and we'd be alot more strict on numbers etc...
Mammypig Posts: 832
couldn't read and not reply. first of all you sound like you've put a lot of thought into this and its not just something that might pass in a week or so! i think that everyone has their doubts on when the best time to start a family is and to be honest, there is no right time. there'll always be money issues, social issues etc but in the end of the day, you'll always manage something. we went through all what you are talking about 3 years ago and now have a beautiful girl who is just turned 2 and am due our 2nd the end of the year. i wouldn't change a thing about the timing when we decided to have our dd. we hadn't set a date for the wedding but were planning on it in the next 12 months. this was held off and we only got married last dec. dd was flowergirl and it made it more special having her there. i really think that if you and your h2b feel you are ready for a family and all the responsibility that comes with it, go for it. you also have to consider it may take longer than planned to conceive too. good luck with the decision and i really hope everything works out ok
mrs.smiffy Posts: 1747
[quote="santababy":1vbue1ap]couldn't read and not reply. first of all you sound like you've put a lot of thought into this and its not just something that might pass in a week or so! i think that everyone has their doubts on when the best time to start a family is and to be honest, there is no right time. there'll always be money issues, social issues etc but in the end of the day, you'll always manage something. we went through all what you are talking about 3 years ago and now have a beautiful girl who is just turned 2 and am due our 2nd the end of the year. i wouldn't change a thing about the timing when we decided to have our dd. we hadn't set a date for the wedding but were planning on it in the next 12 months. this was held off and we only got married last dec. dd was flowergirl and it made it more special having her there. i really think that if you and your h2b feel you are ready for a family and all the responsibility that comes with it, go for it. you also have to consider it may take longer than planned to conceive too. good luck with the decision and i really hope everything works out ok[/quote:1vbue1ap] I couldn't agree more. I think once you and your H2b have talked about the responsibilities that come with it and you're both 100%sure and happy with the outcome - than go for it. Reg maternity benefits, maybe if you have a look into changing your job first if you know that you'll need the money - even if it is very little. We have loads of worries too (just moved countries, DH earns far less than me&the maternity pay is a joke, a loan to pay off, DH needs to do a driver license, buying a car and still need to buy some furniture etc) and I do admit that during pregnancy you will worry even more about everything [b:1vbue1ap]but[/b:1vbue1ap] you will be more and more concentrating on what really matters - having a healthy baby and share this wonderful experience of becoming parents. So my advise would be really - to have a chat with your H2b and see what he thinks about it. Good luck :wv
baba09 Posts: 4
Thanks for your reply ladies....i feel even better bout it now...that im not just goin mad thinking of everything! Mam was just here ready to pop and i was like...."i want that bump" lol, i can only imagine feeling the baby inside you is the most amazing feeling in the world.... i cried at my mams scan coz i was so facinated!!! Lol The maternity pay part bothers me the most i think but i love my job and work with a great bunch and i think if i got pg and decided to put the wedding back a year or whatever i do think it's be great to have our own child be part of the day... we would save our asses off for 9 months and if we decided to go for it i'd be coming off the pill and waiting 2 months so we could save a little then too. Is funny i was at a fortune teller the other day and he knew i was so broody and said id have a little girl next year....and not to worry and look into things the way i do.... i really worry all the time about money and stuff and it drives me mad... but anyway he said all my cards had kids all over them and that id have 3...2 girls and a boy. He also said that coz of the way i worry ill worry i cant get pg, then ill worry about a miscarriage, then when i get past the safe stage ill worry about my baby being disabled and then when its born fine ill be so overprotective it! It kinda made me laugh it was like he knew me so well!!! Another important thing that worries me is because my mam had me young her and my dad would be so worried for me getting pg young (mind u i am engaged with a house). but i know my mam would love to be able to help me so i could go back to work after my maternity leave but with her having a young baby herself she wouldnt be able, also i would love to only work part time after i had a baby and i think id look for a job closer to home as i commute 40mins to and from work.... Theres so much to think about and when we say "ok lets do it" we then go "but what about X, Y,Z " .....but im sure everyone does!!Arrrggghhh!!
willow-tree Posts: 217
I honestly could have written this exact same post, we both would love kids and there are certain things that are holding us off for the minute, but we just keep coming back to the fact that we both would love kids. Best of luck with your decision, its a very exciting time!! :wv
baba09 Posts: 4
Thanks willow-tree, are you married yet or still planning? It's a hard decision to make isn't it (about the right time to start a family)!! We keep saying lets go for it then we go "awh hang on..." lol, its so frustrating. We were out doing our grocery shopping today and there was a baby at thecheckout infront of us, he was 5 months old and i was waffling away to him and he was smiling and gooing...h2b ws just laughing at me!!! I always talk to babies in shops lol!!!! I think if we decide to have one the wedding will have to be put off, i know all involved in the bridal party are so excited and wish it ws sooner 9as do we) ...i might see if we an do it smaller and sooner so we can go ahead and have a honeymoon baby!
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