advise about friend

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sally Posts: 1140
Hi..... I was bridesmaid for my friends wedding last august and me and my hubby put off TTC until her wedding was over which I wasnt too happy about at the time but I made the descision and decided to stick with it. I mentioned to her early in the year that we may start trying in july but she wasnt very impressed as I wouldnt be able to drink at her wedding. I was very annoyed about that but said nothing until later when she didnt send me a birthday card which really hurt me. We had a huge argument about it but sorted it out and things are fine between us now. We are now TTC five months with no luck, thing is Im going to see her next weekend and she texted me the other day saying her husbands sister gave them a voucher for a hotel we went to and she was asking about it. Now its after christmas, its not their birthdays or anniversary so I jumped to the conclusion she might be pregnant (I know they were planning to start straight away after the wedding) and this is why she got the voucher. She said she really wanted to meet up for a chat but I didnt think anything of it until she mentioned the voucher. Now maybe im adding 2 and 2 and getting 10billion but if she is I know ill be upset (well happy for her too of course) but given the history it will upset me and ill be staying in her house so there will be no escape if I do get upset. My emotions can run quite high at times these days so its hard to know how I will feel. I dont want to spoil her moment and her happiness. Do you think it would be better to make an excuse not to go or should I just face it and get on with it. I feel guilty for feeling this way but I think all women TTC battle with the old green eyed irrational monster at some point so its natural to feel this way.
Sphynx Posts: 6795
Sally I think you are feeling like this because you're still annoyed with her on some level about how she was with you over TTC while being her bridesmaid (her attitude was disgraceful by the way) - that's only normal, especially considering that things haven't happened as quickly as you hoped. Maybe some little part of you is feeling like you might be further along by now if you had started earlier if it weren't for her? I think I would be feeling like that myself. You have no way of knowing if she's pregnant without her telling you. I have to say no-one gave us gifts of any kind when we announced that we were pregnant last time and I think a hotel voucher would be an odd present. Is it possible that this is a voucher she got a while ago around the wedding and is only using up now for Valentine's day? Anyway, try to put her out of your mind. You can't know what's going on there and your mind can imagine all sorts of things if you let yourself. I think it's only normal that you would still have some unresolved or lingering feelings of resentment (or irritation at least) about her attitude earlier this year. But you need to focus on you and DH and your own plans for Valentines and the future, and seriously try to put this out of your mind. You don't need the added stress :xxx
Fatcow Posts: 47
Hit her over the head with a rubber chicken, that usually does the trick.
ginger nut Posts: 5989
[quote="Fatcow":28c176o7]Hit her over the head with a rubber chicken, that usually does the trick.[/quote:28c176o7] probably not the advice she was after fatcow but for some reason that really made me laugh :o0 :o0 :o0
Fatcow Posts: 47
[quote="Ginger Nut"][quote="Fatcow"]Hit her over the head with a rubber chicken, that usually does the trick.[/quote] probably not the advice she was after fatcow but for some reason that really made me laugh :o0 :o0 :o0[/quote] :wv no but seriously, it does work.
sally Posts: 1140
Where will I get one of these rubber chickens you speak of???? No of course im happy for her but I just dont know whether I should go see her or not and upset myself. Now im talking as if she is pregnant and I dont even know although she texted there and said her hormones were all over the place. I tell you I have a sixth sense about this. If I go up and pretend to be happy when inside im gutted ill just make myself depressed and if i go up and am visably upset ill be even more annoyed with myself. Maybe I should just stear clear. I might go up and there will be no news... but i cant really ask her straight out if she is waiting to tell after her first trimester. I cant really avoid her forever though untill im pregnant as that could take ages!!!! Im a bit confused as you can see, it a toss between being a good friend and being good to myself.
sally Posts: 1140
Yeah I know.... ill feel bad about not going too.... like im weak if you know what I mean. I know it was my choice to wait and also I feel if I hadnt I prob would be pregnant by now or at least further along the road. Im an awful edgit really worrying about this but you know how irrational you get sometimes. I blame the hormones and all the sex im having. O:| O:| its turning my brain to mush.
sally Posts: 1140
Its great alright but god im knackered!!!
babe06 Posts: 898
I agree with MOO2 - don't go and don't cut yourself up about it either. i have a friend exactly like that. She drives me mad - she has to be the centre of attention and when i told her I was trying she decided she would too! Juts cause! This drove me mad as she turned it into a compition! Hoinestly after months of trying when everyone else had the good sense not to ask anymore she rang me and asked me how to use a PG test - she was only trying one month but had a feeling, I really felt she was rubbing my nose in it. I mean who soesn't know how to use a test -and she's already had one child. Then when i told her I was pg i knew she wasn't a bit happy and rang her husband infront of me and siad "we better get a move on she's gotten there before us!" Ever since then I've been very cool with her and the last party she was out she told all whod listen that she wouldn't dream of having another baby. So believe me -give yourself a break -we don't have to get on with all our friends all the time. If she is PG she should just come out and say it... I'd say your hunch is right