Advise needed

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rainamay Posts: 7
Hello all! Been planning our wedding with the help of this website but this is the first time I have posted anything on here and really just need some opinions and assistance. It's a long story but i'll try to keep it as simple as I can. Our wedding is in September and we are planning everything from overseas, haven't met any suppliers or seen our venue yet so I'm sure you can imagine the extra pressure this puts on let alone getting grief from the other half's family. When we got engaged last August we first went to my boyfriends sister and asked if her daughter would like to be a flower girl. Got the whole "oh no not at all she's too young and will only be starting to walk". Ending up coming to a mutual agreement which was made to just have her in a frilly dress so it'll look nice in the pictures. Grand. The today I got a text from my soon to be mother in law saying that the sister is sad that neither her nor the baby is part of the wedding... Bearing in mind that after they said she didn't want the baby to be part of the procession I went to my other cousin and ask if her two daughters could like to which they agreed to. Why is she coming directly to me why doesn't she ask her son?! Not grand. Like, why now?! I really don't understand why they are "sad" they aren't involved. She is the sister of the groom and the best man is his brother, what more do they want?! I am total against agreeing to be forced into a corner to agree to something that I don't really want and if I politely decline I will look like a cow. The sister is going to have to carry the baby up the aisle and what if she throws a tantrum?! Plus the fact that I do not want any member of his family to see me before I walk down the aisle. It is my last few moments being with my family and I want it to be just us. Another thing is, I'm afraid if I give them an inch they'll take a mile. It could have a snowball effect and they could keep asking for things to be done their way. After to speaking to my mum (as you do no matter how old you are, mammy's always know best ;) ) she was trying to look on the other side and saying that maybe its good that they actually care and want to be a part of the wedding that it's better than them not giving a shite. I need help with wording this response text. I am being ridiculous? Thank you in advance!
whereland Posts: 472
Can she be involved in some other way, a reading/prayer? Would she like to give a short speech at the meal welcoming you to the family?
MrsSparkle2B Posts: 1689
Its probably just hitting her now the weddings closer and she isn't a part of it and would like to be! The MIL is probably bypassing her son because at the end of the day, its usually the bride calling the shots at weddings ... Could you ask her to do a reading or prayer of faithful or communion reflection even? and could one of the flower girls walk the wee baby down the aisle (if it can walk!) Or you can just ignore them and carry on regardless, you did already ask so you aren't obliged to do anything - have you spoken to your husband to be?
CasualBride Posts: 574
Is there any chance that your MIL is just taking issue with this herself? As in, maybe your SIL doesn't really care but could be listening to MIL being a stereotypical bat, giving out about things, and going along with it, making MIL THINK that your SIL is bothered? It might not be the case at all, but if it was me, I think I'd ring my SIL and explain that you got this text and you're gutted to think she's upset over it, considering ye had a conversation and she quite clearly said that she doesn't want her daughter to be a flower girl. Let her explain the situation to you, if she has changed her mind, then ye can come to an alternative - as MrsSparkle2B said, maybe the child could just meet ye at the church and walk up the aisle hand-in-hand with one of your flower girls. You won't care on the day, believe me. I had a flower girl thrust on me that I didn't want - it was a civil ceremony, I didn't feel any need to have an entourage and I'm just not into kids, but this was a done deal that I had no say in, I was irritated from time to time when I had to factor her into my plans but I let the family take responsibility seeing as it was their idea to have her involved, and she just met me at the door of the venue (with one of the hotel staff - that wasn't at my request, I hadn't even thought about it, but I guess the wedding coordinator just took charge of that!) and I didn't care at all, it was totally irrelevant to me, I was too busy hyperventilating out in the corridor to care about what child was walking where!!! :) :)
T1979 Posts: 23
Hi. I would nip this in the bud now. Don't mind mil..ring sil,you could text her but might be better to ring. Say..look I asked you if your daughter would like to be flowergirl and you said no so I have already asked my cousins little ones and I can't go back on that now. Then continue on with your plans. Please don't get sucked into having to do things to suit everyone else. I'm getting married in 4 weeks and I tell no one anything. They are invited and that's it. Good luck!
MrsSparkle2B Posts: 1689
[quote="T1979":2r2ck005]I'm getting married in 4 weeks and I tell no one anything. They are invited and that's it. Good luck![/quote:2r2ck005] I also abided by that rule mostly - makes life a lot easier!!
rainamay Posts: 7
Hi everyone!! Thank you SO much for all your advise it really is appreciate - family's huh? Who'd have them lol! Just to keep you posted I took your advise and went with my gut and went straight to the sister in law and was just honest. I said "i really am sorry that you and the baby feel left out, wasn't my intention but I did ask your mam when we got engaged" Turns out MIL didn't tell SIL that i asked in the first place!!! Of course she was feeling left out and now wants to gag her mam! It's a bit complicated as we are in Oz, along with my in laws but the SIL is in UK and my family in Ireland so it is hard and can be like Chinese whispers! The heel of the hunt SIL and suggested that we dress the baby up as a flower girl and if she can walk thats grand and if she can't then at least she'll look matching in the photos. Which was the idea I said to MIL in the first place! Silly woman, if she had told her daughter in the first place I wouldn't have this drama! Thanks again for you're help-hopefully you won't see anymore posted on here from me!! All the best for your upcoming weddings xxx