Advise please

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lovebaby Posts: 424
Ok so I need your advise. I'm married 4 years and we are currently trying for a baby past 2 years/3 years. I'm on clomid now and only found out last cycle its working and i'm ovulating so we were so happy and could feel maybe our baby is closer than we think. Our relationship is good and always has been without drink invlolved but even before we married I left there was little things. Like he would go out, say he would be back at 12 and fall home at 4pm, puking etc. He has often left me in a pub and went to another, not telling me and of course that is an awful feeling. He went out 3 weeks ago on sat night, said it was a big football night found out it was him and one other guy, he came home at 5.30am said they was a lock in. Next evening said we would go for food with a couple we are friendly with, football came on. I wasn't drinking and tired, had an early rise next morning. I kept saying come on lets go as I was very hot in there (clomid) had the sweats and was just in need of bed. But every time I turned my back he ordered 2 more pints for him and friend. So i left at 11.30pm \and he said look i'll be home in 30 mins when this is over. 4.30am he came home at. I was so mad girls, he lied, showed little to no respect for me. ( hope this makes sense) I went to my mums for 3 days after and he said sorry, it wont happen again, so I forgave. That was the longest cooling I gave him. So tyhoiught it would do the trick. Then last night he was out for friends wife having a twins, he wasn't drinking as he had an early start. So off he went left all the lads into town and come 11 I texted him, he send a text back and I knew he was drinking so I called, no answer. Eventually he called me back as if what was the problem. I said you weren't drinking with an early start, oh the boss called him. His frist call is cancelled and he said he would have a few, so I thought he should have let me know at that stage. Especially after a few weeks previous. So I said get home before 12 if you want to save this marriage, he said F.off and came home at 330. I left and went to my mothers again ( god love her) he drove home too after drinking, I was livid about that. Putting peoples lives in danger. Said he only had 5 pints but he had more and 1 drink is too many driving in my eyes. I left for work after I got dressed so mad..he just lay there hungover, didn't even say sorry. He then casts things up to me. I drank a bottle of wine friday evening, I had a bad meeting at work and while cleaning up and doing washes I had the bottle gone and was a bit, well tipsy. (I cant drink) He said I was a disgrace as I kept talking to him in bed and he needed to sleep as he had work next morning. So he left for the spare bed and say I was so unfair on him. I prob was now thinking back but its nothing to the lies he tells me and the hurt I feel today. Were meant to be trying to make a baby, not cause upset like he does. My friends hubby's would never do this. I just want the respect I feel every person deserves. He says he lies when he is out as it is easier, but it causes rows everytime. What will I do , he wont change. I feel I should have never married him. xxx
CarolinaMoon Posts: 2431
Sorry but it sounds like he has a serious drink problem and no one but him can fix this. As harsh as it seems I would actually leave. I couldn't live with a man who drinks like that and lies to his wife. Oh and then turns around and trys to make you a bad guy because one night you had a bottle of wine at home and got tipsy....he needs to cop on. He won't stop drinking and lying until he wants - and he may never want to stop. Would you contact these guys? http://www.al-anon-ireland.org/
bondijunction Posts: 805
Ah hunny I am so sorry this is happening to you. To be perfectly frank he sounds like an immature ass. You sound like you know its the end of the road but dont want to accept it? What does your mam think?
CarolinaMoon Posts: 2431
Sorry, just to add - I really wouldn't be thinking of having a child with this man at this point. I know its something you desperately want but is this someone who will be a good father?
Grotty Dotty Posts: 751
He's a bit more fond of the drink at the minute I think. No problem with a guy having a few pints but I have a huge problem with his lack of respect for you. Rolling in at all hours. I'd be very skeptical about bringing a baby into that situation. I'd go back to your mothers I think until he can prove himself. Talk is cheap.
lovebaby Posts: 424
My mum is just so mad with him and hates me always taking him back. He likes a drink but I dont think he has a problem, just likes to stay out and not have me to answer to, hence the lies as I will always like to collect him or give him a time as if I dont its 4 o'clock job. I banned Sundays nights out a few months back as it was unfair on me with work next morning, he can roll over and start when he wants. I have to be in work at 8am and travel a good bit to work. He friends give so much respect to their partners. I so want a baby but not with him, it just wouldn't be fair. I want him to leave our house, but he said he wont. I do everything around that house, from cut the lawn so wash the windows, he does nothing. He always makes me out to be the bad person, oh what about the time you went out.. yes I like going out but he always knows where I am and I never lie. Whats the point, were married and its not on. I feel he brings the badness out in me as this morning I felt like picking up something and clocking him as he lay there saying whatever as i cried and felt so upset. I texted him from work so say I'm so upset how could you after last time anf he texted back sound!!!!!!
angel09 Posts: 11
Lovebaby he does have a problem from the sounds of it. Here's a list of signs that you are drinking too much : You regularly drink more than the recommended amount (A pint is two standard drinks and a measure of spirits is 1.5 standard drinks. A glass of wine or beer is one standard drink. Men shouldn't drink more that 21 standard drinks a week and women shouldn't drink more than 14 standard drinks spread out over the week with some alcohol free days.) You often binge drink (when you have six or more drinks at one time). You regularly get drunk at times when you should stay sober (such as family celebrations or important occasions). You often have to take time off work because of hangovers. You tend to get into trouble when drunk, maybe having accidents, fighting or arguing. You spend more than you can afford on alcohol. You've started drinking in secret. You often feel like you NEED a drink. Your friends often tell you that you drink too much. If you, a friend or a family member drink a lot regularly and you think you’ve got a problem then there are organisations that offer advice and help. Al-Ateen and Al-Anon offer support for people whose lives have been or are being affected by alcohol problems.
Grotty Dotty Posts: 751
If he would rather stay in the pub and doesn't want to answer to you, then he most certainly has a drink problem.
bondijunction Posts: 805
[quote="lovebaby":1gey1bha]He likes a drink but I dont think he has a problem, just likes to stay out and not have me to answer to, hence the lies as I will always like to collect him or give him a time as if I dont its 4 o'clock job.[/quote:1gey1bha] There is absolutely no doubt that he has a problem with drink.
lovebaby Posts: 424
But I also like to have a drink and when i have a night with the girls we defintely sometimes go way overboard but its all in fun and a catch up night. I dont mind anyone having a drink, I would never deny him that. Its the lies, the knocking off phone, saying "fxxk her" deal with it tomorrow all the lads are out. The lads are out as they tell there partners they are out and drinking and are trusted to come home when they say so. He is the best in the world mostly and if we go out together we have a great time, but when drink is in my needs and wants go out the window. If he came home at 12 like I asked last night I would have thought well done you, you had few drinks, celebrated with your friends and didn't lie to me, you were respectful. But he felt why should I go home, all my friends are out and you kept me awake Friday night, so it works both ways. I was wrong Friday and I apologised but he was on his last chance and knew that staying out and coming home at 330 would casue this fight. Then he says if your parents only knew the half of it and brings up nights out I was on 3 years ago a hen that I arrived home from at 5am, or bringing friends back and dancing in the kitchen till dawn. I dont lie and he knows where i am, they were nights we all have and get carried away. The last night I was on was 3 weeks ago, again he had work first thing and I remember coming in and put my pj's on downstairs and took make up off so I wouldn't wake him. I'm no saint myself, I can go mad I wont deny that. But I dont lie to him or knock my phone off, If anything I call him for a lift 9 out of 10 times. My issue with us is lack of trust, respect and honesty and its being going on a few years now, I knew before I married him. But I felt ah it will change. I need him to put me first and say no i'm going home to my wife. What do I do after work this evening?? He said he isn't moving out but will sleep on couch.