Am i being selfish

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Sassy Posts: 2269
Girls I got married last year and since christmas myself and hb have been talking about trying. I really really want to start trying now as i know it may not happen straight away. My sister is getting married in Aug and has said she doesn't want me pregnant for her wedding as i'm chief bridesmaid. People are always asking when i'm going to try and then say that it would be selfish of me to start before my sisters wedding. I really don't know what to do, i'm so desperate to start trying. I would love to her your opinions. Am i being selfish and should i wait till after the wedding?
Ghostbuster Posts: 1268
I asked my sister to be my CBM about six months before she decided to try for a baby. She fell pregnant and 4 months later told me in front of everyone. I was so shocked as I felt she could've warned me a lot earlier. We'd been making loads of plans and had been out shopping for my dress earlier that day - just the two of us. I came on this site as I was upset with her but of course thrilled at the same time. I just felt that she should've been more straight with me of all people. I got completely slated on this site and regretted even posting. Things have since worked out fine and I have a new CBM. I don't know what to say but just wanted you to hear the other side of the story. I don't think you should have to put your lifeplan on hold but I think you are very fair by telling her of your plans in advance. You need to make up your mind and stick to your plans. It's not the end of the world if you pull out. You said she'll be getting married in August - you're right in saying that it may not happen straight away. Would she have a problem with your size on the day? There are plenty of lovely dresses to accomodate your blossoming figure. I can't imagine you'll be that big if showing at all!
KSept05 Posts: 41
Ein… hello? That kind of attitude beats me. A wedding is a hugely important day in you life but it’s ONE DAY. Don’t get me wrong, I totally enjoyed mine and warms my heart just to think of it but it’s still ONE DAY. A baby will last forever. Ok rant over. In any case, no matter when you start trying it might not happen straight-away, and besides, I don’t know what her reasons are to not want you pregnant for her wedding but I am almost 5 months and barely showing, wearing trousers that are only one size up from my normal size. The most you will be for the wedding if you start trying now if 3 months, how could that interfere with the wedding at all? Hope all of you people that are focussing on your weddings don’t think I’m insensitive, I am not denying the importance of a wedding and when I was preparing it it was my main focus but I would have never expected my chief bridesmaid to hold off on such an important decision on her life because of MY wedding!
charli Posts: 5994
imo if my sis told me she was keen to start trying for a baby but if it happened she may not be able to be my BM i would have no problem with that. it's only one day, while it would mean alot to me a baby would be for her (and our family's) life, i would get another BM and would not be put out at all. it's not like you are saying you dont want to, or you won't cos you dont like the dresses!! be honest with her and tell her you abre both going to start trying and even if you do get pregnant straight away you could still be BM if YOU want to as you would probably not be showing. in saying that i hope my BM doesn't tell me she is pg as she is only 20!!
ChloeOct06 Posts: 1466
I think your sis is being a bit selfish. She can get another CBM. You may not be pregnant/showing by August i would pay for your own bridesmaid dress and explain to her how important this is for you. If you can't be her CBM when the time comes at least she hasnt' spent money (which is a big stress for a lot of brides). If any of my bridesmaids pulled out (even at the last minute) for a reason like this, i would be happy for their joy at pregnancy not worrying about how my photos are going to look. You'[re still going to be with her and help her pg or not.
Sassy Posts: 2269
Thanks girls. I really don't know what to do, because it will be may at this stage before we try and i have worked out the most i will be is 10 to 12 wks. Maybe i won't be showing and she can still have me as her cbm if she wants. I just don't want to upset her
yadayada Posts: 1066
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charli Posts: 5994
[quote:piezvoei]It may happen straight away or it may not. Don't put your life on hold for anyone. It could take you months to get pregnant or it could happen straight away but the decision to try should be between you and your hubby- no-one else. Even at 10 or 12 weeks you shouldn't be showing much anway.[/quote:piezvoei] well said, i waffled a bit in my reply! Sassy you are defo not being selfish :)
ChloeOct06 Posts: 1466
get a bigger dress then. And you can alter it if you do happen to be a little rounder of tum :D your sis is just highly emotional at the moment. I'm being highly unreasonable cos of wedding. and i know i will get more so. I have had to tell each of my BM's to discount most of what i say at the moment. and that i will be sane again in november
Sassy Posts: 2269
Its been great to be able to talk to someone other than my hb and get some advise. Thanks girls ChloeOct06 what you where talking about getting a bigger dress i have just remembered that when my sister bought her bm dresses i was a stone heavier, so i sould have some give in the dress.