Am I married to a man or a mouse and a selfish one at that?

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SexyAis Posts: 101
Not a plea for advice as such – more a rant. But, if anybody does have any suggestions, these will be gratefully received. Also, apologies for such a long post but I am finding it very cathartic writing all of this down I am getting increasingly irritated with my OH who seems incapable of making decisions, or getting anything done at all really. He takes me out to lunch yet I always have to order. He takes me away on holiday yet I have to book, pay for it (he pays me back later), and make all the necessary arrangements. Buying stuff for the house, finding, and paying tradesmen for various jobs - all left to me to sort out. When he is off work sick – left to me to ring his boss and/or take his sick notes in. If the children need taking anywhere, or if they need picking up from school early, or need to stay off school because they are unwell, always left to me to cover, regardless of what my boss may think, because he is too afraid to ask his boss for the time off. Ultimately I think he lacks social skills and that is why he is reluctant to do or say anything for himself. He only works part time (I work full time) and when you add commuting time on, my “working” hours are probably in the region of 15-18 more than his a week, yet I do all the cooking and shopping and virtually all the housework, except the washing up which admittedly he does but only because he thinks I don't do it properly. He spends every Saturday (all day) at the pub, with Sundays spent recovering in bed or laying about on the sofa. My weekends consist of looking after the kids, and sorting out their endless squabbles, whilst trying to catch up on all the household chores. It’s so long since I had a night out with my friends I can’t remember. The OH doesn’t like me going out without him, because he allegedly can’t cope with the children for more than a couple of hours. Borne out by the fact that he is always in a filthy mood when I get home from work because the kids have wound him up. Oh yes, I forgot to mention he also spends most of his Sundays moaning at me because the house is such a tip. The resentment that has been simmering for months, if not years, finally came to a head last night/this morning. I got home from work and had to make dinner, whilst simultaneously supervising the children’s homework and fetching snacks and drinks for my husband whilst he sat on his fat backside reading a paper. After dinner (well his dinner), he started going mad at me because the children were misbehaving and I hadn’t sorted them out. At the time I was eating my own dinner, which I had just sat down to eat because I had been too busy attending to everybody else's needs. We are having some new lino put in the bathroom this morning, organised by me of course! and I rang my OH to see if the fitter had arrived at the allotted time. He hadn’t and the OH told me to ring the carpet shop to find out what was happening. When I suggested that he rang because I didn't have the phone number on me and he had it at home, he put the phone down on me. I am so sick and tired of it all now. It’s like being a single parent with none of the advantages but all of the disadvantages. I would kick him out today if I could afford to – he would give up his job just to spite me if I tried to – not that he would leave willingly anyway. I think I know the answer to this already but am I a doormat?
mad woman Posts: 22106
did his mammy do everything for him? stop doing stuff for him!
pluse Posts: 980
sorry but it sound's like your his slave not his partner/wife, i wouldn't be able to put up with it but i suppose it's easier said than done, sit him down and talk to him give him a firm warning,explain your unhappy and that his going to end up losing you. :action32
pupsalove Posts: 1490
Blimey woman do you really need to be told??? STOP DOING EVERYTHING FOR HIM!! Come on he's not going to get off his backside and do anything while you continue to do everything. I know its easier said than done cos you've set a precedent but come on, can you see yourself going on like this for the next 50 years? Put an end to it now. sit him down, read him what you've wrote here and then tell him firmly that this ends now. He will have to do his share or he can sling his hook as it would be easier for you NOT to have him around. You are his PARTNER not his slave and if he doesn't stop taking SERIOUS advantage of you, you're putting an end to it and him! Best of luck and be strong.
mammybean Posts: 10364
omg you poor thing. you need to stand up for youself. you are a slave. a slave to him and the children. actually sounds alot like my house growing up. if i was you (hypothetically) id just stop. obviously you have to look after the children but as for the rest stop! it is a awful situation for you. but this is not a marraige!
billygate Posts: 952
dump him u deserve more than this
Estobesto Posts: 632
He is a PIG!!! :eek You poor thing. give him a taste of his own medicine - why dont you give yourself a holiday and let him stay at home and look after things or at least STOP DOING EVERYTHING FOR HIM! How do you live like that?? You cant go on for ever like that... I certainly couldnt.
Dreamster Posts: 6620
why are the kids doing homework during the Christmas holidays?
davidegan Posts: 1
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Dcd Posts: 1471
Oooooooooh Burn! >:o)