Not sure really where to start but I'll just say that my mum and I are not close. She has never shown much affection since we became teenagers and my sis and I are only too aware of put downs and negative remarks from her. She never has had anything positive to say to us. I have a good job that I worked hard to get and sometimes feel the pressure but she just scoffs at this and when I say I have lots to do!(Our dad is great by the way and we both get on well with him). She would never lift the phone and call us unless there was something she needed, even when I was living away from home when I was at university. Anyway time has went on and I got married 2 yrs ago. Again, she didn't appear thrilled or happy, in fact when people asked her about the wedding coming up she used to say 'it might never happen'!! There was never anything to give her this impression, Myself and husband have know each other for 10 yrs and get on famously and this was never an issue.
Fast forward to now and I am 22 weeks pregnant. As I said, she never rings and I am kinda used to that. Last night at quarter past 11, she rings giving out to me about something I have moved from her kitchen worktop. That I had no right moving it, coming in to someone elses house etc... She just passed the phone to my dad who tried to diffuse the situation and basically ignored her. I came off the phone in tears and took nearly an hr to calm myself down. What made me so upset is that not once in 22 weeks has she asked me how I feel, if I have sickness, headaches, tired etc nor picked up the phone to see how I am in my 1st pregnany. She lives 6 miles away and is home at 1.30/2.00 but only calls if my dad is with her. I should be used to this but sometimes I would just like some support from my mother.
No (I'm having a row with my mother at the moment so will take your side regardless). Look I'm sorry if this is overstepping but has she personal issues? Like is she happy herself? Regardless she has no right to ring you and speak to you like that but you have an awful long road ahead with her without doing anything about it. Could you speak to your Dad about it? From the point of view of 'what on earth is her problem?'!
Some people just aren't supposed to be parents, and it looks like you got the short straw when it comes to Moms.
You aren't overreacting at all, ringing someone (esp. one who is pregnant)after 11 cos the moved something is childish and selfish
I'm sorry you don't have a supportive Mom but it sounds like you have a great Dad, and you are close to your sis wihch counts for a lot.
I have no advice though, if she is missing that part of her personality there is probably nothing you can do or say that will change her. Just TRY not to let her upset you, it's not fair on you and at least you have a few pointers on what "not to do"
[quote="CocoBeans":2bq9k15d]Some people just aren't supposed to be parents, and it looks like you got the short straw when it comes to Moms.
Em can you say what you really feel cocobeans!!
I could have so easily +1'd your sistuation (except im only a few wks preg) and i actually moved 15 000 miles to get away from her and her drama and absent parenting. She didnt even come to my wedding. My best friends dad phoned me the morning of the wedding and said to me
if someone doesnt add to your life, theyre not worthy of being a part of it
i think of this quote everytime i feel down and feel like she has used me again or
No, seriously, my Mom doesn't get on my back or put me down but she shows little to no interest in me at all, and never really has.
She lives a mile from and has maybe visited my house about 5 times (I'm here 7 years). No interest really in my wedding, no support during my IVF and little to no interest in my pregnancy.
So I know how hard it is when you see the support and relationships other people have with their Moms. I just think it's easiest to accept it and try to get more from other parts of you life. What I meant about the short straw though, is it's not your fault and I don't think there's much you can do about it.
Perhaps it was a little strong! Sorry 23leanne. It's the hormones
That sounds very similar, Coco beans. I feel for u too. I know it's not easy to just accept though. I think u were kinda right bout what u said earlier as she is the same with my older sister, in fact she has a go at her probably more.
On the upside think of what she has given you, I bet you will be a loving and supportive Mom and your kids will be really lucky to have you.
Chin up and next time don't move her stuff, f*ck it in the bin
Yeah, ur right. I am so determined that If I have a girl, especially, that I will do my best to have a really good close relationship with her. I want to be that support and friend that I don't seem to have from my own mum.
I could tell you stories about my own mother that would curl your toes. One example, when I had a MC last year, she told all her friend and my relations that I had said I was delighted it had happened, becasue I wanted to deprive her of the happiness of a grandchild. She's a nutter.
I'vce little to add to what the others have said Basically, you won't get what you want from your mother, and you will continue to get upset if you think you can. You cannot change her, all you can do is change your reactions to her. *Choose* to stop letting her upset you. Accept she is the way she is, and move on. It soulds like you've an Ace dad, so that's something.