Am I overreacting? - Page 2

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the winner Posts: 4148
So sorry to hear you have a bad relationship with your mam. A girl needs her mammy. Its great you have a good one with your dad. My mam is great, I'd be lost without her but DHs mam is awful to him >:o( so sad because he is a big softie and takes everything to heart. She would think nothing of telling he is useless, a terrible son and father. I could honestly write a book on the stuff she has said to him so I do see what a bad mother is like. Hard I know but as you have always done just try and rise above it and when your little arrives you will know your a fantastic mother. Do you get on with your hubbys mam? is she any support for you? and stay close to your sis xx
23leanne Posts: 761
Thanks for ur message. Sorry to hear about urs. I think u are right. It's not that she will change. I have to change my reaction and not let her get to me. My husband has said the same thing. He says I give her too much thought time and that in the 10 yrs he has known me she has always upset me. We were at a wake last week when my mother in law (who is absolutely fab)sat down beside my mum and started to say how exciting it was about the baby and was she excited about it. My mum replies with aahhh, I havn't even thought about it, I'm not thinking about November !!! wtf? I was mortified. I just thought typical. My mother in law is dead excited for us and is so so good but her own daughter (my sil) just announced she is pregnant after trying for a long time. We are all delighted, but its hard when u see the support and excitement she has for my sil when my mum comes out with things like the above. O:|
23leanne Posts: 761
Hi girls, well fast forward 4 years later. I had a little girl who will be 4 at the end of this month. Things didn't really change with my mother. In fact I did post something about how granny makes no effort to call unless I call out to her or she is with grandad. Anyway my beloved daddy passed way last year suddenly and we were/are devastated. We tried to do our best for our mother but she has just gone from bad to worse. She had to move out of her house due to pipes leaking and the house needing gutting a few mths after daddy died. My husband and I put her up and everyone tried to help as much as poss. When house was finished or nearly done she just rang me from it one evening to say she wasn't coming back in to ours and was moving back to the house. Never mentioned the night before, never said thanks, didn't say to my little girl why she wouldn't be here anymore. Left the bedroom she had been in for 3 mths in a tip with sweets & chocolate all over the drawers. Anyway fast forward to me and husband announcing to her in May that we are 11 weeks pregnant. We tell her we have 12 week scan later that week. Week comes and goes and she never mentions it. In fact, I am now 30 weeks+3 and she has not once asked how I am. Never called or rang to see how I am. I have seen her but she doesn't initate any conversations. If I ask her any as she answers them with enough to do and does t continue any conversation. I am having a very tough time and have been signed off work again this pregnancy for pain due to what my urologist thinks is now interstitial cystitis. ( Have had pain and symptoms from this for past 2 yrs) had same probs first preg but we didn't know what it was. Had been seeing uro before getting preg but he can't do anything now until after baby born. There are days. I can hardly stand up& walk & find it hard enough just to go and pick up my daughter from playschool. It is now 2 weeks since I was out to visit her with my husband and daughter and no contact at all since, part if me just wants to leave it to see how long she would let it go without any contact. She doesn't seem to care that she hasn't seen her 3 yr old granddaughter who started playschool in sept and incidentally it took her over a week later to enquire how she had got on when again we had gone out to visit the following week. I just feel that I am in so much pain that I shouldn't have to be pushing myself to go out to see her and then sit in silence because she doesn't talk or show any interest. Am I in the wrong? Really upset today about this as heard she was at a funeral of someone who died that would've been a good friend of my dads and she couldn't even pick up the phone to tell me they had died. ;o(
esla2016 Posts: 214
I would say not wrong- you can't make her interested. I'd consider to leave her off and let her come to you in her own time.
babywish10 Posts: 110
No you're not in the wrong you're trying to be a good daughter. I'm having issues with my sister, for years to be honest but it's escalated since I announced my pregnancy. Anyway, it was pointed out to me that you can't make someone be your friend. All you can do is put in the effort and know you are doing your best. Easier said than done but try not to let it get to you, concentrate on your pregnancy and use this forum to vent, you'll get plenty of support from the lovely ladies on here. I don't know what is going on in your mothers head but there's a lot of unresolved issues. She can't be forced to face her demons don't let her force them on you. Best of luck for the remainder if your pregnancy
westcoastdreamer Posts: 41
Okay, listen up, here's some "tough love" There is only 1 think you will EVER be able to change about your relationship with your mother. And that one thing is you. Things you CAN change: - your expectations - your boundaries - your time you give to her, listening to her, trying to reason with her, or simply THINKING about her - your reactions - your responses Things you CAN'T change - her opinions - her behaviour - what she says to you - what she says to others - whether people believe her or not - how supportive she is/isn't And you can't make a square peg fit a round hole. If you have a preconcieved idea of how a mother SHOULD behave her pregnant daughter, and you are constantly disappointed that your mother doesn't live up to this. That is YOUR fault! and you can change it. If you are expecting her to be something else you are chosing to be disappointed over and over and over again.. You can decide to stop expecting better from her, and it will hurt less when she doesn't deliver. If you go on hoping for HER to be different, you will go on getting hurt. If you decide that YOU are going to be different, in your expectations of her, in your time given to her, in your response to her. Then you can move on and when this happens, you'll emotionally open yourself up to other sources of support and love from other people x