I wasn't quite sure where to post this, and maybe this forum isn't the ideal place, as most of you are at the baby stage. But maybe you will be able to offer some advice.
It was a lovely sunny day yesterday and H2B and I went out for a walk to shake off the Paddy's day hangovers. Anyway, we got to chatting about the future, and kids and when we would have them. His views startled me a little. I mean, he was in a very, very different place last year, before we got engaged. Back then he wasn't even that into marriage, let alone kiddies! Anyway, when I asked when he'd like to have kids he said 'Pretty soon, to be honest'. And he was quite sure of himself. He had it all thought out. Part of his thinking was influenced by my age, 32. We want 3 kids, so I guess it does make sense to get craking soon. But the bit that freaks me out is that even though I have always wanted kids, babies were always just a warm, fuzzy ideal that would happen at some stage in the future. Now that I am faced with the reality of 'getting down to it' I'm a little freaked. I mean, they are a HUGE responsibility. Not to mind what nine months of pregnancy does to a girl's body. And then there is the whole fear of failure. I mean, what if I can't get pregnant? That is my number one fear.
So, was anyone else in my boat before they conceived?
I would say if you didn't feel that way, then I would be worried! I think everyone has doubts in some shape or form - it is a huge step and you need to make sure you're ready. For me, I've only come around to the idea about a year after we're married and even now, I'm nervous and apprehensive! Your fear about having problems conceiving is also totally normal - as other girls have said, we've spent years trying not to get pregnant that we wonder if we'll ever be able to!
At least now the cards are on the table, keep everything open and honest, keep talking through your worries and fears. I think once the conversations start, you'll be surprised how quickly you'll come around to the whole idea!
As for the fertility side, I started charting about 6 months ago and have found that at least I know a bit more about my cycle. I think this really helps you feel that you have some control over the whole process. But of course, you won't know until you bite the bullet!
I hope that helps put your mind at rest.
Hi uptheaisle - I kind of know how you are feeling. We too are at the stage of asking ourselves what we want to do/will we have kids or not. To be honest, I'm probably a bit (ok, a lot) more reluctant than hubby is. It's not caused any problems - he knew before we got married that I wasn't sure if/when I would like to start of family. He said over the weekend that he doesn't mind if we choose not to have children, so I'm lucky that he's not putting me under pressure. I always thought that when we were married, my maternal instinct would kick in, but it hasn't. Don't get me wrong I like children, but I also like "us" the way we are, and I think maybe I'm a bit selfish to think like that.
Anway, sorry for the rambling - take your time. You sound like a very level headed person, and when the time is right, you'll know. I think it's only natural to be aprehensive when you decide right this is it, we are going to start ttc from today. And of course being a parent is a huge responsibility (though the little terrors we had to endure on St. Patricks day didn't seem to have anyone who wanted to take responsibility for them in the pub :evil: , but that's another topic altogether :wink: ) I do think all your worries are completely natural, and the fact that you are trying to deal with them just shows how responsible you are.
Best of luck!!
Don't know about the rest of you but I quite enjoy the making the baby bit! :wink:
It's the thinking about it beforehand and afterwards and the work involved when they arrive thats hard! To ease your concerns, yes it's tough and you make sacrifices but it does seem to fall into place. And to be quite honest even a struggle is worth hearing your little prince(ss) calling you mammy for the first time, or just wait until your first mothers day, it's like the day was invented just for you!
As for problems concieving, you'll never know until you try. And the sooner you start the sooner you'll be able to have any problems investigated. Chances are the more relaxed you are the easier it'll be, so just relax!
I'm another worrier!! A relative of mine is learning disabled and unable to work, following an illness which struck him when he was a toddler, and I'm terrified of the same thing happening to our child, TBH. H2B has had no such experiences and is far less wary than I am - the sooner it happens, the better, in his opinion!