Hi..I'm sorry but I really need to let off steam. Does anyone else not get along with their MIL? I've been with my husband for years now and at first I really got on well with my MIL. But as time has gone on, I have gotten to know how needy she is and now that we have had our first child she is really starting to get on my nerves a lot more.
Before our child arrived, my in laws rarely came to visit even though we only lived a half hour away and I've always made them feel welcome. But now that the baby is here, they are up every weekend! This on its own is really starting to piss me off as the weekend is the only time I get to spend quality time as a family with my husband and son. But now his parents call in right in the middle of the day so we end up stuck in the house waiting for them or me feeling I have to spend the morning tidying up to make sure the place is clean before they arrive. I just want some time with my own little family now. But yet if I tell my husband i don't want them visiting at the weekend then it will just become an argument. His parents don't work so there's no reason they couldn't call up on a week day evening.
Then even when they do call, she's barely in the door and in the baby's face. Like the other day I was on the couch winding my son when they arrived and she literally got down on her knees and was leaning across my lap to get in the baby's face and try to get a smile. Like I know she's excited and all that but can she not wait literally five minutes?! Then when she does have the baby she's always off singing to him and even took her from my husbands arms when he was a bit unsettled and brough him into the other room to sing to him which really annoyed me. She's the type that when he's bigger, shed be undermining me and giving him treats and trying to convince him that she's the 'favourite nanny'.
I think what really annoys me is that her own daughter has two children and she sees those grandkids everyday- nearly like a second mother because they are there so much. So she does everything with her daughter and the kids but doesn't encourage them to go see the other grandparents much but yet she nearly expects me to be like that too. Like it's OK for her daughter to be close to her and spend her time there but yet expects me to be there all the time too even though I'd ratherather be with my own family.
Even for the christening, she wants to come to our house before the church instead of just meeting us there. Its gone so bad that i know she will Probaby will try to dress him in his christening gown even though it's something that id like to do. So now I feel ill have to have him dressed before the arrive or have to like hide his gown in my wardrobe so she won't know where it is. I know that sounds pathetic but thsee moments are exciting for me too as a new mother and shouldn't be taken from me. She even asked when I'd be returnin to work (probably thinking she'll be asked to babysit) and when i told her I have a year off her face just dropped and she had nothing more to say on the subject. . Where as I feel everyone else, my mother included is delighted from me having the time to spend with my baby.
Those are just a few examples and might sound petty but there's a lot more to it, including her wearing a white dress to our wedding!
Any advice?? Because it's all really getting to me now and I'm afraid it will cause a lot of arguements with my husband.
If I am totally honest she just sounds like an over caring / doting grandmother... I'm sorry.
I think the main problem is not having time at the weekend just the three of you. So when she is there everything she does bothers you.
I would love to have someone that wanted to help out that much, or take my crying baby into another room to try and sooth it.
I would speak to your husband and explain you would really like sometime at the wkend just for you's. And see if he can arrange another evening midweek for them to call, and while he is at it explain that you will be meeting everyone at the church the morning of the christening. That you will be busy that morning without visitors calling in.
Sorry if I sound harsh or it's not what you wanted to hear but it's how I read your post, she really doesn't sound that bad!
I understand how you feel and while your mil means well it can be overwhelming and annoying at times. Our baby is her first grandchild and I found her level of involvement too much at times. She was constantly wanting to hold her, wanting weekly visits, was texting daily and wanted to babysit. I've just had to let some things go and other things we've spoken to her about. We explained that at 3 months old we didn't need or want babysitters just yet and that there would be loads of time for that! We also explained that we would visit her as often as possible but every weekend wasn't going to happen (she doesn't drive and is an hour away) The constant wanting to hold her: she's EBF so she can't feed her, when she's asleep I've explained no one is to lift her so that only leaves her awake times for cuddles. Now she is getting older the awake times are more and more but she has also started to make strange so if she's being cuddled and is crying I just take her back. The texts I've just had to deal with and reply to. I know texts sound like silly things to get snoozed over but I can be hard to come up with a reply other than "she's fine" to the question "how's the baby?". So my advice would be a) make sure you're on the same page as your husband b) pick your battles c) talk it out with her and d) practise your "thanks for the advice but we'll be doing it our way" phrase!
I don't think you should just have to put up with it because someone says oh I wish I had that so you should grateful. You can be grateful and still love your family but also get p*ssed off with them knocking in all the time and being over bearing. Your totally entitled to your feelings and don't need to justify yourself.
CraftyB is right you and your husband need to sit down and decide on some ground rules to do with in-laws, and defo pick your battles. Stuff like popping over when they want needs to be addressed and your feelings she may undermine you as the children grows needs to be stamped out immediately.
I wouldn't bother with this staying in at the weekend waiting for family, do what you want, you don't answer to them, if they knock over and your not there, tuff, they'll get the message quick enough that you don't plan your life around them. Or when in doubt when they call over hide in the bathroom and don't answer the door!!
I don't have kids, but something you said stuck out at me there....that you feel that you have to spend the morning cleaning because you know they're coming over.
Don't put yourself under the stress of thinking that your house has to meet someone else's approval. So what if the house isn't 'up to scratch'; if anyone takes offence with it, let it be their issue not yours.
I've had crazy study commitments over the last while, coupled with work meaning that I don't have much free time...am sure as heck not going to spend it cleaning!! Our house isn't bad but it's certainly not gleaming and I'm never going to be one of those people who spends hours on cleaning every week...good luck to those who do, and each to their own, but for me life is too short. As I see it we live in a home, not a hospital. The mother was a bit put out at the beginning - was worried about 'callers' - but doesn't pay the slightest bit of remarks to it now. Herself and dad just come in, plonk themselves down and make themselves at home without one comment. Makes me much happier than knowing I have a spotless kitchen floor. ;-)