Are you demanding? In general or with hubby?

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Smileykaz Posts: 7296
Just a general wondering. Was away for the weekend (disaster, was sick, long story) and there was a table of people in the restaurant with us and then again at breakfast that were quite demanding in the way they treated the waitress and it got me thinking. They weren't rude now as such just more...'do it now please'. For example they had barely sat down when they were demanding more bread. And they did demand it. 'We need more bread over here, there isn't nearly enough for all of us'. Not a 'Excuse me, could we have more bread' you know? Then at breakfast the next morning one lady asked for a breakfast item to be cooked a certain way. She called a waitress over and said 'They have them in the buffet there, but I can't eat it like that, so I need you to tell the chef to make it this way for me, ok?'. SHe then turned back to her friends, conversation over like, she didn't wait for the waitress to say yes or no, despite the fact that they were quite late for breakfast and the kitchen had actually closed. She just expected the item to be brought to her. And it was! And I just got thinking - I'd never speak to someone like that! Ever! I'm all about the 'excuse me' and 'do you mind' and 'is it ok if' I would never say to a waitress 'There isn't nearly enough bread here, bring more'. EVER! But these people did and the waitresses fairly skipped around to serve them. Then I was thinking about how a few people I used to know treated their husbands - demanding certain things from them. Saying things like 'He wouldn't dare go out two nights in a row, I'd fe*ck him out of it. He knows what side his bread is buttered on'. Do you know what I mean? Are you like this? Are you a demanding person and do you find it gets you things in life?
Rogue User Posts: 6101
Jesus smiley Kaz - I don't know if anyone would openly admit to being like that! Those people sound horrible! And people who talk about their husbands like that sound so nasty too. I can't see anyone saying - "yes, I am the b!tch you are talking about!" Or then again, if they are that brass necked maybe they don't see anything wrong with their behaviour?
CarolinaMoon Posts: 2431
Nope, not demanding at all and I suspect that I'd get along much better if I did. If anything I think I am too soft. Couldn't imagine not saying please/thank you etc to the waitress. I am always polite and will smile etc.
Jawl Posts: 8881
NEVER!! In fact I'd be afraid to put them out! Yesterday I went for a pub meal with Mr. Jawl and my nephews. We had been to the cinema, so myself and the boys decided to share the "Pizza & Chips for 2" option on the menu. The pizza arrived burnt and dried out. The pepperoni on it would have needed a laser to cut through it :o0 But oh no, I picked off the pepperoni and almost choked on the dry pizza. The chips were okay though. So when the waitress came to clear off I said 'yes thanks, everything was great' and paid for it! :o0 A fool I think is the word!
lux Posts: 6270
The annoying thing is that demanding people generally get their way though, so I think they continue doing it because it gets results! I don't think I'm demanding, but if i feel I'm being ripped off or taken advantage of I'll speak up, but in a nice, polite manner. It costs nothing to say please and thanks. I do find it mortifying if there is a few couples out for dinner and one person "taints' the table by being demanding. I know one person like this, she asks for wine recommendations, demands bread as soon as we sits down and sends back perfectly good food. Now, we tend to leave her out of a group dinner etc because its just easier than listening to her ask the waiter "what wine will go with my food, I'm thinking of having the fish". If she did it in a politer way it might be ok, but we all cringe when she starts up.
Jawl Posts: 8881
[quote="lux":35xjrnwk]The annoying thing is that demanding people generally get their way though, so I think they continue doing it because it gets results! I don't think I'm demanding, but if i feel I'm being ripped off or taken advantage of I'll speak up, but in a nice, polite manner. It costs nothing to say please and thanks. I do find it mortifying if there is a few couples out for dinner and one person "taints' the table by being demanding. I know one person like this, she asks for wine recommendations, demands bread as soon as we sits down and sends back perfectly good food. Now, we tend to leave her out of a group dinner etc because its just easier than listening to her ask the waiter "what wine will go with my food, I'm thinking of having the fish". If she did it in a politer way it might be ok, but we all cringe when she starts up.[/quote:35xjrnwk] Mr. Jawl's BIL is like that but it's 100% because he likes to get something for nothing. He complains about everything to management in the hope of a freebie. We used to meet them once every few months many moons ago for a bite to eat. We stopped it was really embarressing. The girls waitressing I'm sure used to be drawing straws to see who would serve us. Myself and Mr. Jawl would be going out of our way to be extra polite to them and tip them well on the side so that we weren't tarred with the same brush. I fully expect him to complain at my wedding :o0
HippyChic Posts: 1812
It depends on the situation to be honest. If I were in a hotel restaurant for the first time I would be polite and use my pleases and thank yous. If I received good service that would be all they'd get from me for the entire stay. However, if after 3 or 4 mornings in a row I know that the waitress could care less if my head falls off once she gets to try and flirt with the waiter then yes, I will become much more forceful and demanding. There is nothing that irks me more than bad service and if I have to tell someone how to do their job then I'm not going to be especially pleased or nice about it. If I only eat something cooked a certain way and if I'm paying for it why shouldn't I have it that way? Would every nice person prefer that it is ordered and left uneaten? I'm going through a 'situation' at the moment with our former landlord and his management agent - "nice" is going to get me nowhere, being hard-nosed and demanding is the only way to deal with this situation. I'm actually sick to my stomach over the whole thing, don't even want to get out of bed nevermind have to deal with all of this but you can bet your ar$e that they'll never know that. As for my OH - well he wouldn't go out two nights in a row, nor would I. We prefer to spend our time that we have together, together. It's not demanded of him but it is what we expect of each other, and has been from the start. I can't tell a grown man what to do, which is why I chose one that I don't have to order about, he's already the sort of person that I want. People spend way too much time worrying about being nice to everyone and everything in this country. I'm all for spreading the love, I'd never go out of my way to be mean to anyone but I'd like to think that I can expect a decent level of service without being labelled as pushy and demanding. I've worked in customer service positions many times and truly bad customers, rude, pushy etc are few and far between. Bad salespeople on the other hand...bad salespeople are e.v.e.r.y.w.h.e.r.e!
Smileykaz Posts: 7296
[quote="CarolinaMoon":35p9ltae]Nope, not demanding at all and I suspect that I'd get along much better if I did. If anything I think I am too soft. [/quote:35p9ltae] See, this. This is what I'm talking about. These people were awful but got sterling service. I too wonder if I'm far too soft. BOR - Ha, I know, I doubt anyone is going to come on and say 'oh yeah, I'm an awful wagon' but...I see it so often! There ARE people like that out there and they get results. This is the annoying thing. I'm starting to think maybe it's better to be like that, you get what you want. I dunno, it just really struck me this weekend. I'm trying to think of examples from WOL when it comes to wedding planning. I'm sure I've read threads where people were laying down the line with suppliers and hotels. Even...this is anecdotal now but...brides saying they tried on a million dresses and to each one said to the lady 'No this isn't it at all' and asked for more ideas, more dresses to try. And the bridal shop staff skipped around to please them. When it was my turn for wedding dress shopping, I kinda gave the lady an idea of what I wanted and was all 'please and thank you' and 'well it's nice but not exactly what I was looking for' you know? And I'm wondering if I'd been basically a demanding bi*tch about it, would I have got better service, money off, etc?
Smileykaz Posts: 7296
Hippy Chic - I think your situation is different though, cos you know if you're nice you're going to get screwed over by the landlord and absolutley you have to be hard nosed. I'm just talking about more regular every day situations. Like the bread thing - they had barely sat down, literally arses hadn't hit chairs and there was this snotty 'there's not NEARLY enough bread here for us' comment. I mean, give the waitress a minute! I wouldn't mind but the service is EXCELLENT and if they had given her one minute I'd nearly bet every penny I had that she would have brought more bread off her own bat. I don't know, I don't necessarily think there's anything inherently wrong with being demanding, I was just wondering do people do it, and does it get them anywhere. In the bread instance (God, I'm really obsessed with that bread!) they said 'We need more bread, there isn't nearly enough bread here for all of us' when 'Excuse me, when you have a minute, could we have an extra basket of bread please' would have done the same job. The first was demanding bread, the second was asking politely for it. I would always have gone for the second way of asking. But they went for the first way and the bread fairly flew to the table.
lilywhite2012 Posts: 571
I would be similar to you SmilyKaz, all smiles and please and thanks yous. I would never demand anything from anyone in a rude manner. I went for a pub lunch with OH yesterday and ordered our food at 2pm - by 2.40pm the food still hadn't arrived even though other diners who had ordered after us had received their orders, it turns out our order had gotten misplaced - I could have kicked up a fuss but I just don't have it in me!!! If i am in a restaurant and i see someone being rude to a waiter/waitress I cringe, it doesn't hurt to say please and thank you.