ARRRRGGGH - Bad manners or 'the polite way to give feedback'

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noc Posts: 1802
Is it just me (actually I don't think it is) but sometimes I feel SO outraged by some replies on this forum to the question 'What do you think of this?' followed by pictures of dresses or shoes or whatever. OK - letter of the law says if someone asks for an opinion the people asked are entitled to give it even if it's negative but WHY OH WHY do some people (not naming names) do it in such an unconstuctive and hurtful way? e.g. (paraphrase of thread I read today) OP: Which of these do you like...[b:1ay347is]I like them all[/b:1ay347is] Another poster: I don't like any of them. Now, technically the person is [i:1ay347is]allowed[/i:1ay347is] to say they don't like them (and boy, will the shout this from the rooftops if challenged) but to me, good manners would dictate that IF SOMEONE SAYS THEY LIKE SOMETHING you should keep your mouth shut if you don't. Otherwise you might as well preface your reply with 'Your taste is up your ****' because that's the message that comes through and it's RUDE!!! But, if your heart is really in the right place and you aren't just giving your opinion out of a feeling of self-importance, and if you really think it's hideous and you would be doing them a favour by steering them away from the purchase why don't you post a picture of something else and say: 'What about this? It's totally different but I really think it would work better' or similar. At least that way the criticism is constructive and less likely to be as hurtful. the message is clear but it's put more gently in such a way so that the person you are criticising at least feels you respect them enough to TRY to spare their feelings even if the feedback is bad. I remember someone else giving out before about this and as they so rightly said - if you ask is this nice and there are only 2 replies saying 'yes, lovely' but 467 views of the thread you can draw your own conclusions. There's just no need to be harsh. Sorry for this rant. I don't want to get into a fight with anyone but I feel better after posting that because something in a thread I read today really annoyed me (because the poster is a regular offender in this regard). If you guess who I'm talking about you might know what I mean but I'm not going to get into naming names. Maybe they'll read this and reflect a bit on the importance of subtley and TACT!!!!!!!!!! O:| O:| O:| >:o(
MrsBlues Posts: 5170
I know EXACTLY what you mean, and I was just thinking the same thing. My mother always told me 'If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all'
noc Posts: 1802
Too true. Thanks [b:1vrsbrvi]Mrs Blues[/b:1vrsbrvi] - nice to know there are still people with manners around. To be fair actually 99.9% of posters here are mannerly and constructive in giving criticism :thnk
MrsBlues Posts: 5170
I agree, most posters have their manners fully intact, but there are 1 or 2 who always pop their heads up to say 'you're fat' or 'you're boring' or 'your dress is horrible' What's the point? I wonder if it makes them feel better about themselves? I just cannot stand rudeness, and have had to bite my lip on a number of occasions recently. :thnk :thnk :thnk
noc Posts: 1802
The mind boggles but I know my opinion of them is 'trash'. You can't make a silk purse out a sow's ear/ beggars on horseback and all that :o0 :o0 :o0
BMaid07 Posts: 189
its only the internet
MrsBlues Posts: 5170
That's not the point though, a person could be just as rude on the phone, but I wouldn't say 'Ah it's only a phonecall' or when some eejit road rager pees me off I don't think 'It's only the on the road' There's just no need to be catty iykwim?
NowGone Posts: 8042
I agree with the majority of what you've both said, and I'd just add one or two comments. They are apropos of nothing, really, and not arguing against what you've said. My comments serve to...refine...the above in order with my own opinons. 1. It's an internet forum. Forums, like life are full of different personalities. Some people are blunt. Some are rude. Some don't say thanks.Some are stupid. Many are fab. I think it makes life interesting. If everyone was nice and sweet, WOL would be boring. Virtually nothing on this discussion forum suprises me. 2. Sometimes there are histories which underlie what's being said that, by others might be percieved as nasty, but, in context, are relevant. Sometimes you'll find people saying things out of character. In general, they have their reasons. 3. A lot of people here are perfectly capable of sticking up for themselves, while others yell "bully" willy nilly. An accusation of bullying is serious.Disagreeing with someone isn't bullying 4. The opinions of people whose opinion you don't respect, or, people who have a habit of rudeness, or whose taste you don't like, SIMPLY DON'T MATTER!
rock-n-roll-wife Posts: 6579
AGREE 1 MILLION% with nozilla... i, of course am obviously one of the fab ones though >:o)
noc Posts: 1802
Doesn't stop it from being annoying. And it's REAL people doing the typing and asking the questions and slagging each other off. You're right that people sometimes are a bit over-sensitive but good grief, sometimes it just p1sses me off because if ther person were there in person you could let them know what you think of them or at least try to reason with them but it's very difficult to do that online. I just don't get it. Being online doesn't excuse behaving like an a55hole. It's a bit like hiding behind a wall and throwing stones. I hear what you're saying but I just have to let off steam 'cause I've bitten my tongue so much with a certain poster and I think they're impervious to criticism anyway. But if I EVER met them in person I kick their smug a55 so hard! :o0 :o0 :o0
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