We've Moved!

Our wonderful discussion forums have now moved to Facebook...

Click to join us in our HIGM ("Help I'm Getting Married") group!

Sammie123 Posts: 126
Hi guys, I didn't want post this in the baby forum possibly a bit insensitive. My issue is myself and my husband got married earlier this year. We have been together 10 years, we are both very happily married. We have just moved house and settled in, when we spoke about babies I alway brought up the conversation we always said in 2-3 years and when we discussed this I did agree. However now I feel broody and don't really want to wait that long, maybe just one year if I have to. I am almost afraid to speak to my hubby because I feel like I a moving the goal posts. I know he does want children and will make a great dad, I just don't think he wants our life to change just yet. My attitude has changed as I have 2 friends who have miscarried recently and I suppose in early adult life us girls pay so much attention to not having a baby! No for the first time I'm seeing its not that easy and it just doesn't happen for everyone, I'm just nervous about waiting till my 30's. Also forgot to mention if I am waiting on a promotion in work, I know this sounds silly but if I do have a baby I won't get it. It's not right but that's life, but then on the other hand may not happen anyway with the current economic climate !!! So confused everything says we should wait, I suppose if I speak to the hubby I'll know what we should do but I'm nervous- because I don't really like kids it's the last thing he will expect from me!!! Afraid to even mention it!!
redroses Posts: 714
I think you should talk to your dh. We all make plans and have specific goals, why not move them if ye both agree. It may take months for you to get pregnant or it could happen quite soon. You just dont know. We had agreed that we would try around the time we got married. We started trying in the april, and i finally got my bfp in june this year. It took a lot longer than i appreciated and was quite a frustrating journey. I hope you can talk to your dh and work out what's best for you both now. You never know maybe hes feeling broody as well!
Steph2 Posts: 1044
Hey Sammie123, I'm due to get married next year and like you, H2B and I had agreed that while we do want a family, we would wait a couple of years after marriage and enjoy ourselves a bit before TTC. Around 6 - 8 months ago I became ridiculously broody!!! This will sound odd but I actually felt like I had an ache in my uterus :-8 It was like a longing that I had never felt before. So in my mind I had been thinking, gosh I don't want to wait around. I'll be 29 when we get married and I'm also realising now that it's too important a thing to put on the long finger if at all possible. I decided not to mention how I was feeling to H2B though because I didn't want to scare him or make him feel under pressure. I've been lurking over here in the P&B and TTC forums for the past while because I love reading everyone's experiences etc. One day H2B asked me what I was so engrossed in on the laptop and I told him I was just reading about people's pregnancies etc, out of interest and to educate myself a wee bit. Out of nowhere he said "I can't wait". I said "what are you on about?" He went on to tell me that he can't wait for us to start a family and that as soon as we're married he's happy to start trying but he didn't really want to scare me by telling me that :eek ..... and there I was keeping my feelings to myself!!! I was delighted to see that we had both landed on the same broody page ;o) Sorry, bit of a long winded post there but I suppose what I'm trying to say is that I think you should talk to him because you never know what he's thinking and his reaction could surprise you?! :action32
mrsp2010 Posts: 1461
you really need to sit down and talkto him about it but id say dont put it off were young, im 25 and thought wed have no bother ttc but when i got bfp after comin off pill we miscarried and lost our first angel and we waited a few months before tryin again my opinion is dont put it off you never know how smoothly things are going to go and personally i wanted to be a young mum i wanted us to be parents before we were 30! its really down to the 2 of you just my personal thoughts are if you want children dont put it off! :wv
Milly83 Posts: 3620
DON'T DO IT! DON'T HAVE KIDS, ENJOY YOUR LIFE WHILE YOU STILL CAN BEFORE THE LITTLE ONES STEAL IT!!! :yelrotflmaosmilie: :yelrotflmaosmilie: :yelrotflmaosmilie: Joking of course. You shouldn't be afraid to speak to your husband about it. You might be surprised at what his thoughts are. No harm in asking. In relation to the promotion, can you see yourself doing this job and having a busy home life too? Maybe wait to get the promotion and then start trying. They won't (or shouldn't) demote you because you're pregnant. Bear in mind that having a baby changes EVERYTHING. All of your life is different. It's fabulous though and well worth it but really think it and discuss it with your DH.
Milly83 Posts: 3620
Sorry, also want to say that I am 28, have my 2 kids and possibly want another. I want to be "done" when I'm 30. Just something I have in my head. I understand where you are coming from with the whole "kids from 30" thing. That's my scary age.... Sorry 30somethings...
pinkframe Posts: 628
Ah gosh, you are me 12 months ago + we're now expecting our first baba in a few weeks! My first post under this user name was almost identical! :) Our lives have already changed completely + we couldn't be happier! We got married in 2009 + we were sure we'd be waiting at least 4 years before even considering TTC, put simply our feelings changed...I began to question why we were waiting (similar to yourself, not where I thought I'd be in my career etc) - we were blessed that it happened so fast for us...definitely talk to your hubby about might be very pleasantly surprised. Best of Luck x
Sammie123 Posts: 126
Hi guys, Thanks so much for the replies and advise!! I spoke to my hubby he still wants to wait about 2 years but I explained how I felt(which I feel so much better about) we have alot on this year and a holiday early next year, so we decided to just wait for 1 year and then review the situation, alot can happen in a year (maybe that promotion) I was so surprised how open he was I feel so much better, feel like were in it together now no matter when we decide!!! This also gives me time to figure out my own feelings .... Really happy with the outcome! Thanks so much!!
Steph2 Posts: 1044
Delighted for you Sammie123. Now you have something to look forward to without worrying about how he feels about and it will be a weight off your shoulders ;o) As I said in my previous post, I'm broody as hell and can't wait for our wedding next year so that we can start TTC. I'm starting to do my "research" into pregnancy now and making some changes to my diet etc already so I find that's keeping me going while I have to wait it out for the next year. I can't get pregnant yet but I can start laying the foundations and that will do me for now :-8 Hope everything goes well for you and who knows, if we're very lucky then maybe we'll see each other in here again next year with our BFP's - touch wood :o)ll xxx
Delphinium Posts: 3027
Sammie, I'm glad you had a good discussion with your DH. You really need to be able to discuss these things openly with your DH. Communicate, communicate and communicate should be the 3 main rules for marriage! I found this out on the same subject. DH was mad broody and would have tried for a honeymoon baby. In my own head I thought we'll enjoy the 1st year of marriage and then we'll try properly. This was the problem. It was in my own head! I hadn't specifically said to him that this was what I had in mind. So we talked about babies a good bit but everytime I said "when work has settled", "when we have the house sorted" or "after the holidays"..... he just thought I was putting off indefinitely and he was getting really frustrated with me until we talked it out properly and I realised he wasn't a mind-reader....... stupid me. Plus I was a afraid to tell him that I was scared of the whole thing. He understood once we were open with each other. And I understood his point of view better and felt more comfortable with the idea. Bottom line is you have to talk about it openly and it must be a joint decision. Good for you that you have had your chat! And don't be afraid to bring it up before the year is out too!