I'm so sorry if I sound like a hungry bi##h but I just need to vent! Please don't judge.....
I got married 6 months ago and one of my very best friends has yet to give us a gift. I know it's not an obligation on the guest but I can't seem to get past this and it's affecting how I am with her- I'm getting peeved anytime we meet and she's telling me how much she spent on kids Christmas presents, booking summer holidays, latest beauty treatments etc. I just can't fathom how anyone could rock up to a friend's wedding knowing full well the effort and cost that went into the day, and not even bring a small token.
I'm doing my thank you cards at the moment so that's why this is on my mind and I know I need to just get over myself but I'm angry with her and don't feel like sending her a thank you.
Am I being unreasonable??
Hi there, no I don't think you're being unreasonable at all! Just wondering, was your best friend also one of your bridesmaids? Sometimes they seem to forget to give a gift!
My husbands 2 best friend's gave nothing for ages (the best man & groom's man). Finally about 8 mths later, the best man did, and was very generous. The other never bothered
Personally I would not let this bother me. Whatever her reason for not giving you a gift you can't let it annoy you. People are a bit sh*t sometimes and we can only choose how we react to this. She still turned up for the wedding, maybe she values presence over presents...I don't know. Don't be bitter, it's just a poison for you, send her a thank you for attending your wedding and then let it go. If she gives you a gift later that's great! but if she never does then that's fine too.
I'm not judging and I don't think you're being completely unreasonable.My advice is just to not let it bother you because other than demanding she give you a gift or breaking up your friendship, it is out of your control so let it be.
I agree with both the other points of view and I also understand yours.
I probably would be fed up if I was in your shoes, one of my best friends hadn't given me anything until about 2 months after the wedding but I hadn't really copped it - as you said, the fact that you're doing the Thank You cards is bound to bring it to your attention, but it will pass. It doesn't seem cool of her to do that to you, but then at the same time, as I'm learning now, you really never know what people will or won't do!
If I was in your shoes, I would probably try to take a bit of space from her until you cool down, simply because, as you said, you're finding it hard to listen to her talk about everyday stuff that she's spending money on without getting angry. There's no good in that either, so if it was me, I'd just try to avoid spending much time with her - not in a snotty way, but just until the anger has passed and then start hanging out more with her again (if you want to) at a later date.
I personally would not send her a Thank You card though. I know they can be just "thanks for coming" but usually, in my opinion, you'd only go to the bother of sending a card to thank someone for an actual gift. Like, if everyone came to my birthday party in the pub, I wouldn't go and send thank you cards to them after the event. Maybe I'm wrong but that's how I interpret them anyway.
Thanks for your advice girls, and for not judging me- I was so close to deleting the post earlier today cos I felt like a proper shit for saying that stuff out loud!
No she wasn't a bridesmaid ( only had 1) but she would have been one of my closest confidantes in the run up to everything- 1st to see my dress, with me on the morning of the wedding etc. so I suppose that's why I felt a bit let down.
And you are right, there's nothing I can do without affecting our friendship so I do need to chalk it down to experience!
And I'm not sending a card!!