Bestman changed his mind:-(

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Mrs2babridesoon Posts: 3319
Girls I am so so so sad for h2b (and myself). Getting married in just less than five months and engaged since Nov, h2b only asked his best man last Saturday, which the BM cautiously accepted (he is a nervous wreck over the speeches) H2b was delighted that he accepted BUT last night he turned him down said ‘I’d do any thing for you but I can’t do public speaking’ H2b was so hurt and sad, I’ve never seen him so down. The thing is h2b only really has two friends and now feels the other friend (who is fab and I would think will really be up for the job) may feel second best and of course h2b is dreading another rejection. Girls I am so angry and I know I am being irrational. H2b really tried to do everything to convince BM he'd be okay and offered that he didn't even have to do any talking at all, but no good! I was so mad at BM but I have to understand he must have a crippling fear of public speaking. But I hate to see my h2b feel so sad about having so little male friends. I just wanted to share I am down in dumps all day!
Baby06 Posts: 307
Hi 2babridesoon, Could he buck tradition and have both friends as Best Men, and split the duties between them. Ask the second, more confident friend to make the speech? Just a thought.
Mrs2babridesoon Posts: 3319
Thanks Baby06, h2b offered that choice to him but BM says no way, he doesn't want to be refered to as BM, he will be a Groomsman thou! I know the day will come and we will have a BM and all will be fine, it's just the emotional damage to h2b, I think he feels like a failure for having so little friends. It's just his (low) opinion of himself. I know I am being so over protective but he was so down last night, and sure I think he's amazing and tell him so all the time.
ScarlettoHara Posts: 8442
I can understand why your upset. At least though you can see his point. My dad didnt do a speech at my wedding. I was hurt and upset, but at the end of the day, if he didnt want to speak I couldnt force him and I respected his decision. I bet the other friend will be delighted to be asked. You sould like a lovely w2b looking after your husband :lvs
Mrs James Duff Posts: 348
this is completely off topic but I just noticed that you, your sister and your brother are all getting married this year!!! wowsers!!! anyway I can't offer any help only maybe give your husband 2 be a little time before he asks his other friend (he may need a little time to emotionally recover as I know I'd be upset if my bridesmaid said no) who I'm sure will say yes and be delighted to do it also. best of luck!!
Gnomie Posts: 676
I'm going to a wedding in the next few weeks where the groom is refusing to make a speech! So is the best man, his brother..... The bride's brother is making a speech, kind of doing the BM sppech(he is a groomsman) and the father of the bride (although this is killing him!) Bottom line is unfortunately I don think you can convince anyone to do something they dont want to do. The other friend will be delighted I'm sure. I have no doubt that he will. The vast majority feel nerves doing speeches but do it anyway. Good luck.
Groovy-Chick Posts: 2383
My brothers BM was the very same, had a real fear of speaking in public so my other brother who was groomsman did the speech instead and to be honest no1 really noticed the difference! I feel for your H2B but it must be hard for his friend as well. He's bound to feel like he's letting him down
excitementcity Posts: 1007
Hi 2babridesoon I totally understand your prediciment. You poor thing and no wonder h2b feels let down. The same thing happened to us. My h2b's original best man changed his mind too and we were so upset over it at the time....well I was just upset for h2b because he felt so let down and hurt but I have to say that we asked one of the groomsmen (h2b's other good friend) to do the job and it couldn't have worked out better. The new best man has done a fantastic job so far and I think probably is working out better than the original guy in the first place. We did worry that the new best man would feel put out that he hadn't orignially been asked but h2b explained the sitiation and it worked out fine so really I wouldn't worry. If your h2b just explains the situation it will be fine. At the end of the day do you really want someone who doesn't want to do the job to do it? They would only be uncomfortable for the whole day and then you would feel their unease and you won't need that on your wedding day. As upsetting as it is (and I completely understand you on this) I think the best thing is to dust yourselves off, try not to let it get to you and pick someone who will enjoy doing it. In the end that is what will work best and what will make your day go smoothly. Best of luck! :wv
Missus Lippy Posts: 5879
This happened to us as well but with a groomsman. I suppose a groomsman is less important you could say but he had been asked over a year before and had agreed. It was only a few months before the wedding when DH suggested to groomsman that they should start thinking about stag etc., that he told us he couldn't do it (his reason for not doing it was pathetic). DH was really upset about it but he mentioned it to his brother who was delighted to accept and said he was glad he was asked because he would never have seen his brother stuck. It worked out better in the end because he did a lot more than the original guy probably would have done.
Mrs2babridesoon Posts: 3319
Girls you are all brilliant every one of ye, thank you all so much, wasn't in much better from this morning but reading yer messages perked me up no end. H2b and I went to his house this last night, and he's sisters were so non-supportive, saying things like 'you should have known public speaking isn't BM's thing' and 'Isn't it great he told you now and not a week before wedding', (which is so true by the way) 'get over it now ask someone else' 'you really have no right to be upset BM just isn't the man for the job' (In the mean time this BM is a very well educated guy who runs his own company deals in face to face sales every day and has a large staff) Poor h2b was even more battered and brused after them, they just couldn't get that h2b is entiltled to be upset, h2b simply just wanted he's closet friend to be his BM as simple as that may sound. In saying all that we have decided to close the door on the best friend being BM and not bring it up again especailly in front of his sisters, please God he will be the GM no bother and I think he is going to call his other friend today and ask him. I agree gerrie79 re giving h2b some time, but I think he is afraid that the first BM will make contact with the new BM and he would prefer the asking comes from him self, so today is the day? Please God. Girls it is a blessing in disguise really the othe BM will work out way better I feel. thanks so so much again ye stars :wv