bit of a dilemma

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Ice 2 Posts: 224
Girls, this is a really minor thing, but we just got invited to our friends house for dinner next Sat night. The couple hosting the dinner are really good friends of ours and so are the other couples attending. The thing is I will be 12 weeks next week (trust in god). The couple having us for dinner have been TTCing for 3 years. We were over a year ttcing ourselves and we were kindred spirits through the journey and we kinda supported eachother. I first of all don't know how to tell her as I know what it was like throughout the journey when I heard someone's news (I cried a few times) and what is really sad, is that her hubbie's Mum passed away recently and I don't want to hog any attention. They are going through a tough time and I don't want our news to hurt. The thing is I don't think I can hide it for longer as I feel I am beginning to show. Your advise would be great?
Idina Posts: 1289
I would say tell her on her own another night first. Don't feel guilty about your news, I'm sure she'll be delighted for you Congratulations!
feather Posts: 1831
As someone who was until very recently, in the same boat as your friend, I would suggest that you tell her. In fact, if you are almost 12 weeks and you both were sharing the ttc stuff, im surprised that you have managed to keep it to yourself until now. Do you think that she might already suspect that you are pg? There is never a good time to hear about pg's, but please dont tell her when there are, or will be, other people around. Do it in private so that if she wants to cry or walk away, she can and she doesn't have to go face anyone after. I found out about a one or two friends pregnancies on nights out, and all I wanted to do underneath the plastered-on, shell-shocked smile was just to go home and cry my heart out, but I had to sit there the entire night and put a brave face on it while everyone fussed over the mother to be... theres absolutely nothing worse. :o( You probably weren't going to, but I also think you shouldn't use her dinner to make your announcement to your other friends either... leave it until after, because even with the best intentions, your other friends will want to chat about it and probably make a bit of a fuss of you... Its a tough one, and it will not be pleasant for either of you, I wish you the best of luck...
mummyme Posts: 281
I wouldn't say it in front of everyone, wait til your on your own with her, she will be delighted for you but thread carefully!!! Congrats, i am also preg, i am 17 weeks its so exciting, enjoy
milinda Posts: 785
Firstly congratulations on your new's, I would let you friend know before Saturday night and let her have a chance to get her head around your news. She will be delighted for you, but she may also feel a little disappointed that it hasn't happened for them just yet so at least she won't have to deal with the news in front of everyone. You needn't tell the others till another time especially if you are worried that they will make a fuss of you.
Happy Mammie Posts: 1507
I agree with the other posters to tell her before the meal. Maybe she might have a bit of news herself and wants to tell ye at dinner. could this be possible. Congratulations on your pregnancy.
Ice 2 Posts: 224
Thanks girls for all your replies. I know what it is like, even though we were trying for over a year and it mightn't seem too long, I found it really hard myself to deal with others news, so I know what it is like. Feather - she won't suspect a thing as I haven't seen her since Christmas time and we live about 3 hours drive away for them, so we've only had phone conversations. I swerved the question last week on the phone, when she asked how I was getting on (she knows I was on clomid etc) but don't think I can keep doing that. I don't think I could hide it from the others for much longer either, as anyone who knows me has commented that they know to look at me I am pg. I really don't want to tell her over the phone as I'd love to tell her face to face. So I think we may arrive at theirs early and tell them. Oh girls, I feel so selfish and I would really love if they got good news soon
apple drop Posts: 331
Hi Ice Definately tell this friend by herself. I was in the same situation with my sister. On DD we were trying for 15 mths and it was very hard hearing about anyone elses good news. My sis has been trying over 2 years now and are about to start IVF, so was dreading telling her about this pregnancy. I told her by myself though and we both had a bit of a cry over it. I know she is delighted for us, she just wants it so badly for herself too. :o( Your friend will be delighted for you too, but needs a bit of time to get used to the idea. How well do you know the rest of the dinner guests? Do they know you were TTCing? If not, then maybe just say you are on medication for a cold or something and cant drink. If they do know, maybe say it before the party too and let them know you dont want a fuss made. I know its hard trying not to upset your friend, when you want to scream the good news from the rooftop! But just give her a bit of time and she will hopefully be as excited for you too.
feather Posts: 1831
No offence, but 3 weeks ago, (before my bfp that I waited 3 years 2 months for) if I was hosting a dinner party and one of my friends arrived early to tell me that she was pg... I would have gone into a state of shock and probably would have thrown everyone out and went to bed in tears... either that or I would have continued like a robot for the evening, had a sh1t time and then went to bed in tears... Sorry if that sounds harsh, but long term ttc is not pleasant and it can turn you into a horrible, selfish, jealous person. Is there any chance that you could leave it until the next day to tell her or reconsider telling her on the phone a few days beforehand? Anyway, dont feel selfish, she will be happy for you, but you know the score, it will be bittersweet! Hopefully she will get good news of her own soon
Shalmar Posts: 529
Hey Ice I agree with the others, I would tell her on her own and let her get a chance to get her head around it. She will be delighted for you though. Also, fair play to you for being so considerate, you sound like a very caring friend. :xox