Biting your tongue

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highbeam Posts: 2578
When it comes to the inlaws - are you able to do it? I get on well with my MIL & FIL, can't really say a bad word about them, but sometimes a few comments MIL makes really get to me. I used to be very good at saying nothing and letting it slide but I think with other things causing stress I don't have as much tolerance which ends up in an argument between me and OH, as it did this morning from out of the blue. It gets OH's back up when I say something back but its fine when they say something about me - "sure aren't they only joking" "she doesn't mean it like that" :duh:
Lucy Jordan Posts: 459
i have my tongue chewed off at this stage with sil, now mil and fil are fine get on with them grand they are lovely people and i also get on very well with dh younger sis but his older sis is another story, i think its a clash of personalities more than anything, we are both quite strong minded similar age etc sometimes though i do feel she likes to get one over on me dh thinks im imagining it of course, its hard because i don't want to be bitching about her to him but sometimes the things she comes out with O:| she can be quite cutting with her remarks.I try not to let it get to me plus the fact she lives a good bit away from us is a bonus!
ciaraella Posts: 5323
I have a great relationship with my in-laws but i think part of it is because they know DH and I won't put up with some of the crap and drama that goes on with the rest of the family. I don't think you need to get drawn into an argument but there's nothing wrong with a bit of straight talking. Also i'd be annoyed at your DH for not standing up for you if there's a bit of slagging, sure if it's 'only joking' then there's no harm in you or he 'only joking' back right? Imo the main thing is to establish that you're no pushover, without being a total beeatch, it's a fine line at times, and remember to pick your battles, no point in falling out over something silly, wait til it's something that matters best of luck!
highbeam Posts: 2578
You see it never really is over anything major, they don't interfere in our relationship and leave us to do our own thing. It's always little things said in a joking way so then he doesn't understand why it would annoy me, like a smart comment about not having visited in a while or something else silly. It's not worth falling out with them over and I don't want to fall out with them so I don't say anything to them, but it seems venting to OH is not the best option either. Maybe I do want him to stick up for me more, maybe that's what is really annoying me.
Weird Cat Lady Posts: 3501
My own in-laws are regular folk like my own. Generally ticking along, doing the best they can for their family, and prone to the odd gaff and annoying opinion and toe-treading comment we can all make. I think it's sometimes a tricky dynamic - balancing courtesy with a free-rolling friendly style of getting on that most folk would like. When things go wobbly it's harder to have it out and clear the air as rapidly as you would with immediate family. Minor quibbles get amplified. There are times when I'm more sensitive to remarks, ambushed by the odd compulsive need to get annoyed, and wilfully over-reacting for the f*ck of it. It's therapeautic to feel all righteous now and again but that too passes. Thank f*ck otherwise I'd be unbearble and it just feels a waste of energy sometimes.
ciaraella Posts: 5323
[quote="highbeam":20gzfmrr]Maybe I do want him to stick up for me more, maybe that's what is really annoying me.[/quote:20gzfmrr] Or even just agree with you? I find that sometimes with DH, even just a bit of solidarity ie 'yeah i know they're bats but it's no big deal' goes a long way, knowing you're on the same wavelength.
highbeam Posts: 2578
Thanks Ciaraella, I think that's exactly it! Some of things if he paid a bit more attention he'd be able to say well highbeam didn't do this because xyz, or she already has made plans for that. He just nods along half the time or says something totally random.
bobby2012 Posts: 644
No, I don't bite my tongue. Never. That's probably why my relationship with my mother in law leaves much to be desired. We ha an explosive row a while back because I simply got fed up with the way she's been treating my husband, fed up with her level of interference in our relationship and our children. Now, I have my husband's full support when we do clash, but on his own, he avoids her because she raised him to take it and shut up. I'm not like that.
Time For A Change Posts: 6885
I've only had two real barneys with MIL in the nearly 10yrs I've known her. Once was when she told me I "had to" get another bridesmaid because it would look weird at having 2 bridesmaids and a bestman and 2 groomsmen, but more importantly - BIL wouldn't have anyone to dance with.......I was adamant that I wasn't going to get another bridesmaid - and I didn't, anyway his girlfriend was there too as hubby pointed out, so even though he doesn't like to dance, he still had someone to dance with. The other one was earlier in the year. I was feeling really cr*ppy, 24hr bug kind of thing - I nearly threw up when I smelt the cabbage being overcooked, when we had to call over for dinner. We had told FIL not to bother putting any dinner out for me, that I couldn't even face breakfast because I felt so cr*p. I don't normally suffer badly when I have AF, but Murphys Law, that was the day I was.... MIL was convinced I was pregnant - she was just short of running out and getting knitting needles and wool! She had the biggest grin on her face, and no amount of telling her that I wasn't pregnant, she wouldn't believe it, it was "but you never know, because you're feeling sick at the moment, it could be morning sickness!" I lost it, I told her that I was NOT pregnant, and they only way she'll know when I'm pregnant - is when we tell her, that she was to quit presuming I was and to leave me alone. This was all after hubby and FIL were telling her to shut up and to leave me was their family friend!! Yep, this was going on in front of the friend and their sister. :o( :o( At times it's can be so hard to keep your mouth shut, yet at times, hubby thinks he's perfectly within his rights to voice his opinion about some members of my family. Sorry, I forgot his family are perfect!
mrs mammy Posts: 1487
I usually manage to let mil's words wash over me. Have to stay away if im particularly tired though cos my tolerance level is zilch when Im tired. I've lost my cool with her a few times!