BM missing in action

We've Moved!

Our wonderful discussion forums have now moved to Facebook...

Click to join us in our HIGM ("Help I'm Getting Married") group!

Slug Posts: 7
One of my BMs has gone abroad on an extended holiday with no return date set. Initially I thought it was just a last minute holiday as I didn't even know she was going, but I found out the other day that she has no return ticket or date in mind. She was too busy to come BM dress shopping, so I (like a fool), went around taking pictures of dresses I liked and texting them to her, with her texting back yea or nay. We're not getting married for almost 4 months, but at the moment it looks like she won't be around for the hen, or to find shoes, or help sort the last minute things...I have no doubt that she'll be back for the wedding but wouldn't be surprised if was in the week before hand. I've tried ringing her phone, which is on, but she doesn't answer it - to anyone, even her parents. She can't be fired as she's my cousin. Did anyone else have absentee BMs on the run up to the day? Any advice?
Roxanne Posts: 3201
If she absolutely can't be fired, just buy whatever dress and shoes you like in roughly her size and let her put up or shut up when she gets back. And hope to God you have at least one other bm who doesn't get the wanderlust... She is being thoughtless in my opinion but probably has no clue how insensitive her behaviour is. But as she is away, the only person this can potentially upset or wind up is you, so let it go, have no expectations of her, and let her be one of those useless bm's who just turn up on the day and wear a frock.
Slug Posts: 7
To be honest, I'm not upset, but disappointed in her. I was very supportive of her when I was her BM, and its a bit if kick in the teeth for her to disappear without even letting me know.
clucky Posts: 26471
[quote="Roxanne":gx3wr1dm]If she absolutely can't be fired, just buy whatever dress and shoes you like in roughly her size and let her put up or shut up when she gets back. And hope to God you have at least one other bm who doesn't get the wanderlust... She is being thoughtless in my opinion but probably has no clue how insensitive her behaviour is. But as she is away, the only person this can potentially upset or wind up is you, so let it go, have no expectations of her, and let her be one of those useless bm's who just turn up on the day and wear a frock.[/quote:gx3wr1dm] i second all that
koala Posts: 202
That seems really strange. Why did she go on an extended holiday without telling you? And not answering her phone????? Are you close with each other? That just seems a rude thing to do unless she has a genuine reason for going awol. Hope things turn out ok.
Miah Posts: 2738
Edited
Slug Posts: 7
She has gone to stay in her parents apartment in the Canarys and didn't tell very many that they (her and hubbie) were going. Thankfully my other BM is being brilliant.
Fluffer Posts: 2672
One of my bridesmaids did the same thing and we had a chat and decided it was for the best that she wasn't bridesmaid so she's coming as just a guest now which has worked out for the best. If she's just gone to the canaries though chances are she won't be gone too long. Maybe her and hubby just wanted to get away for some reason, maybe they just want some time to themselves. Surely they have jobs they have to be back for? Try not to stress, she might be back soon. When is your hen?
gina1 Posts: 215
Gosh maybe its just me but I didn't expect my bridemaids to be around in the weeks coming up the wedding just for me..They helped me when they could and on the night before and the day they were brilliant ...I just felt it my day and it should be me organising everything My head bridesmaid only arrived from abroad 3 days before the wedding and I was happy as thats three days out of her annual leave and I was privileged she gave it up for me..she also couldn't be at my hen but my mates all helped and we had a great night girls ye just get on with your own organising and it will al fall into place and I can tell you on the day none of these anxieties matter and you wonder why you ever bothered getting upset about them..
kitten Posts: 893
i think a lot of upset could be avoided if everyone thought of bridesmaids in the way they think of themselves. they are doing you a favour just by wearing the dress and maybe minding your bag on the day. they are not literally maids. being a BM is a pain in the ass, not the privilege a lot of b2b think it is!