Bride Fires Bridesmaid for Being Overweight

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hellojed Posts: 190
From this advice column: ... 03391.html [b:2l604c67]Bridezilla:[/b:2l604c67] So I just learned today that my college friend, A, disinvited another college friend, B, to be in her wedding in two months because B is fat (she's about 5'3", 200lbs) and would ruin the pictures and how everyone looks at her on her big day. She did tell me that if B lost some weight, she'd let her back in the wedding party. I can't communicate in polite enough terms how offended and appalled and disgusted I am by A's behavior. Her rationale is that B promised to lose the weight by the wedding but didn't, and that whenever there is a big bridesmaid everyone is looking at her and not the bride. I am so angry about her nastyness that I can't even think straight. Is it kosher for me to drop out in solidarity with B (with whom I am actually not that close)? What is the best way for me to communicate back to A that she is a gigantic -glass bowl-? I am stunned. I don't know if I even want to be friends anymore. FWIW, B hosted a bridal shower, has come to all the food tasting/clothes fittings/other assorted crap. She's a good egg - we don't click personally, but I am really at a loss for how someone does this. I heard from mutual friend C that B spent the morning crying her eyes out. I would too! What can I say to B that will help her? [b:2l604c67]Carolyn Hax:[/b:2l604c67] Everything you hope to accomplish, you can accomplish in one move: End your friendship with A (which obviously includes dropping out of the wedding). When A asks, tell her exactly why. B doesn't even need to hear it from you; it'll make its way around. I hope C follows your lead. And here's an update from here: ... 2&comments "So Carolyn, about an hour after your chat last week I called up my nasty bridezilla friend (the one who dropped another bridesmaid for being too fat) and told her that I wouldn't be in her wedding. She asked me why and I told her that I thought her treatment of B was beyond the pale and that I can't stand somewhere in support of it. So she got supremely angry (I believe the exact quote was "are you [expletive deleted] kidding me? Who the [bleep] are you to judge me?") and told me in no uncertain terms why I was a bad friend. I learned that I was the third bridesmaid to drop out! She said she was trying to provide B a reason to lose weight. So I said, "so you're a humanitarian?" which I probably shouldn't have, though at first she didn't catch that I was not being sincere. We ended the conversation super-acrimoniously. "So on Sunday my mom calls me - A's mom had called her to tell her that I was being flaky by dropping out of the wedding. Are we 6? I told my mom that A was a psycho hosebeast and my mom agreed, and then told me to remember to take the high road. So I sent her mom a check to cover the cost of my dress, and I sent a letter telling her that I value our friendship but can't stand by her when I think she's making bad choices that she will regret. And then at home, I cackled with glee when I heard from C that A is telling everyone that I ruined her big day and organized a bridesmaid revolt. I guess the other two who dropped before me made excuses, whereas I told her straight up. Is it bad for me to not feel any remorse that 3 of her 4 bridesmaids, and two groomsmen, dropped out (fourth bridesmaid is bride's sister)? Because I feel really good."
emmabelle1987 Posts: 170
I don't know how anyone could drop a bridesmaid because she is "fat"!!! I definately would pull out of the wedding as well!
stickwoman Posts: 2394
My friend was told that if she didn't grow her hair long (it's a short bob) then the bride said she'd be dropped as a bridesmaid because the bride was having an up-style and didn't want anyone's hair remotely like it!! My friend being the wonderful person she is told her to stick it :-8 (rightly so IMHO)... bridesmaids aren't props!
Married2010 Posts: 372
I know all us brides want to have a perfect day and for everything to go the way we want it but does that come at the cost of insulting friends or family to this degree? I pity the man that is marrying her! Im absolutely astounded at this bridezilla
Cinnabon Posts: 2626
3 words for that article/attitude - Only in America!
hellojed Posts: 190
Shocking, isn't it? Throwing away a friendship because you're worrying about the photos. If that were me, the photos would be a reminder of how I deeply hurt a close friend.
sugarandspice Posts: 2378
there was a thread not so long ago in 'let off steam' from a girl who's bestfriend didnt ask her to be her BM. It was always assumed that would be the case and the bride was due to be this girl's BM. Anyway she found out from another friend that it was because she was overweight. Really shocking. It's crazy how cruel people can be
DiamondBride2011 Posts: 142
I have to say girlies, unfortunately it not only in America... something very similar happened to me. I was best friends with a girl for years.. she told me she was getting engaged. So when she got the ring, she asked me if i would be her bridesmaid, and that she was only having one bridesmaid... i was absolutely thrilled.. then when the date was set, she turned around and said, oh god i don't know what to do, i have to consider this other girl (who she met through me) and her groom's sister. Now first of all, the grooms sister and her have never got on, and i actually had to pull her off my friend on a night out, so i was gobsmacked that she would be considered, plus the other girl, she was always giving out about her, as she is a very weird girl. So I told her in no uncertain terms that had she forgotten about asking me, but she said things had changed. Being an overweight girl, i know damn well someone had words in her hear or she came to the conclusion herself and said that i would look ridiculous in photos with her. So i told her straight out, that i wasn't going to be bothered being friends with someone that small minded. Never to contact me again... that was 3 years ago. She tried to contact me several times, but to be honest I was so broken hearted, I couldn't speak to her. I would have just lost my temper, and I wasn't going to lower myself to her level. About 6 months ago she contacted me on facebook, and i must have been in a good mood that day, because i responded to her. I supposed i had moved on from it, and now knew my true friends. We do speak now, as she has moved to another country, but in my heart she will never be the friend she once was. I have my good friends around me, that have been there since i was a kid.
BlossomHill Posts: 2169
[quote="fmh62":15d7drhp]3 words for that article/attitude - Only in America![/quote:15d7drhp] Unfortunately not, it's here live, kicking and screaming in some extreme WOL. There have been post in that past along the lines of "My BM won't lose weight"
hellojed Posts: 190
Diamond Bride, I'm so sorry that happened to you. Kudos for your restraint and not lowering yourself to her level - I'm not sure if I could have done the same thing. I completely agree that Bridezillas are not just an American phenomenon, it can affect every girl who becomes obsessed with her wedding day. I have heard of a few Irish and English brides who have lost sight of what's really important. It's a shame.