bridesmaid dilemma

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Emabass Posts: 13
Hi, I could with a bit of advice. Myself and fiance have very small family's and are having a smallish wedding of about 80people. I have one sister who is my maid of honour and he is having his brother as best man. He has two younger sister which I get on with ok but wouldn't be very friendly with. I said that I would have one of them as bridesmaids for a number of reasons (I don't want all his family in my party and that he wouldn't have many people on his side if I did have both sisters) I was talking to the girls today and when I mentioned about having one of them they didn't seem too pleased. I think that they both expected to be asked. They are both quite mature for their ages (20 and 17) but also very immature in other ways. The older one said that it is my decision but she would love to be involved and the younger one said that she didn't know and that she wouldn't feel right doing it without her sister! And another thing that makes my situation even sadder is that I have no other girl friends to be part of my bridal party. Any advice you be appreciated. How many bridesmaids are you having? :-)
Lutterworth Posts: 38
Wow the younger one is playing on the emotional guilt anyway! I have been bridesmaid 3 times, sister and 2 friends and my fiancee has been grooms man or best man 5 times! We didn't want a big bridal party from the beginning so I am just having my sister and he is having a brother. I did feel a bit bad as possibly two friends would have liked to have been bridesmaid, but then again we are all a bit older now and people are having babies etc so equally as much they may have been happy not to have been asked. Those awkward conversations! I think you are being entirely reasonable having one of them. It would make no sense to have your one sister and then the two of them. It sounds like the older sister probably understands but likely the younger sister doesn't want to be missing out on the attention of the day. I would stand your grand and act almost ignorant of the fact that you think they both wanted to be ask. Bright and breezy, act oblivious and pick one. To be honest from what you said, sounds like the older sister would be a better pick as sounds more mature and if the younger sister couldn't do it without the older sister then I don't think she would be much help on the day! Best of luck!
Emabass Posts: 13
Thanks for your advice. I was a bit annoyed at their reaction to be honest because they have both been hinting for months about wanting to do it and kept asking have I picked anyone yet...then I mention about only being able to pick one and they act like this! people were telling me to pick the younger one cause she is the youngest and cause the older one has a boyfriend but I thought she would be more excited about it. I have only ever been to one wedding and I was bridesmaid and I was so excited about it! We were thinking about just having my sister and his brother and leaving it as that to keep it drama free! although h2b would like to have a friend as a groomsman.
Smilinmaz Posts: 446
Why have either of them? You said you wanted a small bridal party so why not just do a moh and a best man?
bridgie32 Posts: 49
I agree with Smillinmaz. . I wouldn't have either of them! A moh is plenty . . how much help does a girl need??!! O:o)
KennedyKK Posts: 122
To be candid, I think you are in the wrong here. You're h2b has two sisters, you aren't especially close to either one of them; so you should have either asked both or none. You knew they both wanted to be in the wedding party, why cause this upset and tension by picking a favourite? You should have just said ''Sorry, but I'm having my sister as MOH and that's it''. I would suggest keeping it to one MOH and give each of them a reading to include them in the day.
Carroll87 Posts: 123
It's impossible to please everyone. I have had my fair share of bridesmaid issues since we got engaged over a year ago but with 10 months until my wedding I have realised it goes by too quick & you want to enjoy all the planning.. We are having 4 bm & 2 gm.. If its already causing you this much upset & you don't want to choose between the sisters then why not have 1bm & 2gm? Either that or sit down & explain your reasons to them again but don't be pressured into a decision.. It's your day :)
Emabass Posts: 13
Thanks for all the advice. Much appreciated :-) Just to clarify I didn't want to ask either for this reason but h2b, his brother and my mum said that I should ask one. I knew it wouldn't play well with them but they said ask one anyway and that I couldn't not ask one :-)
mallownic Posts: 57
oh you poor thing-here you are tryin to keep the OH's family happy and its all turned into a mess - ive been learning this the hard way over the last few months - never will everyone be happy :( i would prob go along the lines of let them hash it out between them and stick to your guns that you can only have one.. ane let them decide and if they dont/cant do that i would just have none of them.. you have tried to keep them happy and its not working. Its hard on you but in long run its better and to be honest if i had a BM who wasn't very excited to be a BM and if she was acting a bit of a DebbieDowner i actually would not have her. That is that last thing you need to be facing on your very special morning getting ready.. keep us updated xx
Emabass Posts: 13
Thanks for the advice Mallownic :-) I have discussed it with both girls and have decided to just have my sister for the moment and decide about the others nearer the time and they are quite happy with that. The main reason I didn't want both of them is because h2b has a very small family and I didn't want everyone on my side and for him to have no one on his :-) hope everyone's wedding plans are going well :-) x