Bridesmaid etiqutte??

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b2b2010 Posts: 85
I am a bridesmaid for my friend who is getting married later this year. I am her only bridesmaid and only close friend. I am trying hard to fulfill my role and not to let her down. I am getting married in a couple of years myself so I find it all exciting and interesting. I just find myself questioning her obligations to me. What exactly, if anything, is she obliged to arrange/purchase for me? She has bought me a dress but I think the shoes and accessories are being left up to me. I have to do my own hair and make-up and she wants me to stay in the hotel for three nights at my own cost. I work for an airline and have brought her stateside to save money on dress and all accessories. She only had to pay a v small airline staff ticket. Also brought her on trips when she was saving and would otherwise not be able to afford to go away. I feel a bit taken for granted and fed up after each time I hear "will you look after your own hair/make- up" etc. I need help clearing up the question on who pays for what??
hopeful1973 Posts: 4385
Well, everyone's different. Some people even pay for accommodation along with the BM dress, shoes, jewellery and get the hair & makeup done. For me, I bought my BMs their dresses, their shoes, and arranged and paid for their hair and makeup. I gave them some jewellery as well as their BM presents. I think that's pretty average, although it would depend on how many BMs she has. If it's just you, then I would have thought she should pay for your dress, hair, makeup and shoes (esp. the hair & makeup, surely you'd both have that done by the same makeup artist/hairdresser on the day?). Then again, I have no idea how much of a budget she would have for that sort of thing. This probably doesn't help much as it'd be very awkward to say anything to her about it but it's just to give you an idea... Hx
SophiaTheFirst Posts: 541
I'm planning on paying for dresses, shoes, hair, make up and will buy some jewellery as a present. I think that these items are the norm really. Will you have her as a bridesmaid? If you do, I suppose it would mean you'd be saving on having to pay for all of those things for her when your day comes :o0
lunamie Posts: 271
If she expects you to sort all those things out yourself then she should be comfortable with you chosing to wear your own jewellery, do your own hair/make up, wear what shoes you like and stay where you like. I paid for all those things for my bridesmaids but then I had fixed ideas on what I wanted them to wear. It could be a blessing as you wouldn't be stuck with shoes that killed your feet!
fire fly Posts: 1241
[quote="lunamie":rbws1fze]If she expects you to sort all those things out yourself then she should be comfortable with you chosing to wear your own jewellery, do your own hair/make up, wear what shoes you like and stay where you like. I paid for all those things for my bridesmaids but then I had fixed ideas on what I wanted them to wear. It could be a blessing as you wouldn't be stuck with shoes that killed your feet![/quote:rbws1fze] I always thought it was the norm that the bride paid for the dress, shoes, hair and make up. I would do what lunamie said I would do my hair and make up myself and wear a pair of shoes that I had already. Personally I think you've spent enough already.
Hokey Cokey Posts: 4816
Does she expect you to pay for your makeup and hair eg use a hairdresser she arranges but pay yourself? I would consider that to be way out of order. I agree with the others - I would do my own hair and makeup if that was the case. Also, I dont think she should 'expect' you to stay in the hotel for 3 nights. Is the hotel near home? For my BMs, and when they were mine, the jewellery was the gift to the BMs on the day. I bought my BMs shoes, when I was BM my shoes were bought for me once and the other time I bought them myself.
nea dude Posts: 749
I had my sister and best friend as bridesmaids, I tried to pay for as much as I could, I covered the basics such as dresses, shoes, hair, make-up, tan etc for the but I couldn't pay the hotel, to be honest I would have if I had the extra cash, but the week of the wedding I spent more than I could imagine!!! The minimum your friend could do is treat you to the basics, she is asking you to be her BM.
MrsKA Posts: 878
I paid for dresses, shoes, jewellery, hair and Make-up. I think that is the norm. I got them an expensive bracelet for being bridesmaids. I think that is the least. If I was you as you I would say I think I have some shoes that might do the dress and say that you will be doing your own hair and make-up as you can't afford it. Also tell her you can't afford to stay in the hotel. That is rediculous (sp!!) that she expects you to stay 3 nights. I think you have done enough for her. If you are her only bridesmaid she should be treating you not taking you for a ride. I think she is taking total advantage. Sorry but she sounds like a tight arse.
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