Bridesmaid etiqutte??

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b2b2010 Posts: 85
I am a bridesmaid for my friend who is getting married later this year. I am her only bridesmaid and only close friend. I am trying hard to fulfill my role and not to let her down. I am getting married in a couple of years myself so I find it all exciting and interesting. I just find myself questioning her obligations to me. What exactly, if anything, is she obliged to arrange/purchase for me? She has bought me a dress but I think the shoes and accessories are being left up to me. I have to do my own hair and make-up and she wants me to stay in the hotel for three nights at my own cost. I work for an airline and have brought her stateside to save money on dress and all accessories. She only had to pay a v small airline staff ticket. Also brought her on trips when she was saving and would otherwise not be able to afford to go away. I feel a bit taken for granted and fed up after each time I hear "will you look after your own hair/make- up" etc. I need help clearing up the question on who pays for what??
may2008 Posts: 455
I am paying for my BM dresses, shoes, jewellery, hair and makeup. as far as i know that is the norm. i'm not paying for their rooms in the hotel though but i will buy them a nice present
NowGone Posts: 8042
She's not "oblidged" to do anything. However, the norm in Ireland would be for her to buy a dress, shoes, and look after the hair and make up (and probably accessories too). Underwear, bags, tan and nails tend to vary and seem to be up to the Bride. Is she Irish? Customs in the States and continental Europe seem to vary. Tbh, you'll have to ask her yourself - only she knows what she's prepared to buy for you.
MrsWhippy09 Posts: 2346
I'm paying for my BMs' dress, shoes, accesories, make up, and hair. I think this is the "norm". Some brides pay for the bridal parties rooms but this depends a lot on your budget. As NZ said, customs are different in other countries so you really are better off asking her what she will be paying for.
she Posts: 3298
[quote="may2008":3l9npyvw]I am paying for my BM dresses, shoes, jewellery, hair and makeup. as far as i know that is the norm. i'm not paying for their rooms in the hotel though but i will buy them a nice present[/quote:3l9npyvw] im doing exactly that........i know shes not obliged to buy the shoes etc but to be honest i would expect my bridesmaid to but them
she Posts: 3298
[quote="may2008":mtgl1znz]I am paying for my BM dresses, shoes, jewellery, hair and makeup. as far as i know that is the norm. i'm not paying for their rooms in the hotel though but i will buy them a nice present[/quote:mtgl1znz] im doing exactly that........i know shes not obliged to buy the shoes etc but to be honest i wouldnt expect my bridesmaid to buy them
garran9 Posts: 4401
Hiya, I have been BM 3 times. I am paying for the following; -Dress -Jewellery -Shoes -Hair trial & morning of wedding -Make up -Pressies - hampers The girls will be paying for the following; -Tan ( if they want it) -Nails -Their room for the night Hope this helps! I would have a chat with her just the same though :wv
Roxanne Posts: 3201
I think a good rule of thumb is - if the bride is insisting on it, she should pay for it. So if she tells you you have to have a spray tan, false nails etc, I think she should pay. If they are just extras you would like yourself, you pay. In relation to the room, I don't see why she needs you in the hotel for three nights. The night before and night of the wedding should be enough. The feedback on this site seems to suggest that the bridesmaid pays for ther own accomodation most of the time. It sounds to me like the real issue is that you have been very generous and accomodationg to her and she is not returning the favour. Maybe you need to talk it out with her before you start getting resentful?
Gonetopasturesgreener Posts: 3556
As Roxanne said, a good rule of thumb is - if the bride insists on it then she pays for it. We were on a very tight budget for our wedding. I got the girls their dresses, and hair and make-up for one of them (the other was travelling and wasn't there in the morning, but I would have paid for her of course if she was there). I discussed the shoes with the girls because in all honesty I just didn't have the budget for them. They were both more than happy to buy their shoes as we were going for silver strappy sandals that we would all wear again. Their dresses were the sort you could wear again also - not very bridesmaid, so of course they kept those. I also got them gifts as you do. So I didn't get shoes, underwear, tan...neither of them needed special underwear and aren't big tan-lovers, and only one was staying in the hotel and had paid for it in advance before I was aware of it, so I sorted her out later with another gift to make up for it. We were on a super tight budget, but regardless, I think the dress, hair and make up should be looked after. Don't let yourself be walked all over. If she's getting out of hand I would have a quiet calm word in her ear. You've done alot arranging the trip etc. and that's not to be sneezed at, so she shouldn't take you for granted. I esp. don't think it's right that you should pay for hair and make-up.
MrsJayKay Posts: 3025
Like the other girls have said, if the bride insists on it then she should pay for it. I paid for my BM's dresses, shoes, bags, jewelery, make-up, hair, accomodation and a present. They paid for their own underwear and tan.