Bridesmmaid Dilema

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Autumn Winter Posts: 140
Hi all, I will try make this short and sweet. Getting married have 3 sisters as bridesmaids, now H2B wants another gromsman leaving me to pick another bridesmaid. I would pick my other sister but she is older, married and will have two kids by time wedding comes around. She hasnt spoken to me for certain reasons she has kept to herself for nearly two years. Im very hurt by this. She doesnt speak to me at family funtion, visit or even pick up the phone. This is going on so long, I feel I couldnt possibly have her as part of my wedding, she will be lucky to be there at all the way things are going. Would I be awful to ask a friend to do the job? Family want me to ask sister but its my day and they dont realise how bad things are.
blissful2b Posts: 1555
if you already have asked the people you want to be ur bridesmaid then why do you have to ask another in the first place. you don't have to be symmetrical these days!!!! it's fine for you to ask whomever you want! ask the friend.... alot less hassle and if your sis is not talking to you then she'd probably decline anyway. best of luck
caitni2000 Posts: 434
Do you think possibly if you did ask her it might bring you closer together again? Or speak to her yourself first, say I know we’re not getting on so well recently, and I’m having all my sisters in the wedding and I wanted to know if you would like to be involved? If she says no, then you’re free to ask a friend! Otherwise, couldn’t one of the “groomsmen” become an usher instead? I was at a wedding where the bride had her 4 sisters as bridesmaid, there was just one best man. No one really noticed there wasn’t a guy for every girl and it didn’t really matter.
oharetobe Posts: 367
You don't have to even it up and you also don't have to ask your sister due to family pressure. I'm having 3 bridesmaids and my H2b is having 2 Groomsmen. No big deal. I also have a brother who is just barely getting an invitation and under no circumstances is he having anything to do with the wedding except be invited!!
wah Posts: 1414
theres no set rules If you feel strongly about it, do whatever you feel is right for you, if you feel some kind of guilt about it, do as whats been said give her the opportunity, the likely to decline anyhow and your free to ask a friend without the feeling of guilt with the rest of your family, then again its more cost, do you feel strongly enough about it in the first place to want another bridesmaid
Anitsy2009 Posts: 169
Autumn winter, dont feel pressured into picking your sister if you dont get on. You can leave it the way it is or if shes a good friend then ask her. My sister picked our eldest sister as her MOH and I was CBM thinking it would bring us all closer together. She came into the house in a strop less than an hour before the wedding, didnt do any of the organising etc in the run up to it and didnt even want to hear about her wedding and went to bed at 11pm after the first two dances. Only I made the effort to talk to her on the day she wouldnt have talked at all and didnt at the rehearsal the night before. Sometimes itd be lovely to bring all the family together but just to be aware it might not happen. O:| Im not asking this sister to be BM for me and have picked my younger sister as MOH and my best friend. My mother had a strop at first but is now used to the idea. :o0
Autumn Winter Posts: 140
Thanks Anitsy2009. That fairly sums up my sister, it would all be fake on her part and I dont want that and the fear of always wondering when is she going to go back to her old ways. I think its enough that I will ask her daughter - my own grandniece to be my flowergirl, she should be honoured enough with that and I will have my friend as bridesmaid. Only decided last night on another bridesmaid, another 500 euro or more, isnt it expensive. What harm, will be best day ever
FoxyLockz Posts: 2448
You don't need to match the amount of BM to GM, there is so set rule to it If you only want three then leave it at three, don't need the added stress or expence of adding another BM!!
YoungsWIfe Posts: 738
I have 3 sisters and I am only having one of them as my bm. I am also having my 2 best friends and my sister inlaw (I am very close to her). The reason I didnt pick my other two sisters is cos I am not very close to them not like I would be with my bm's. I rang my sisters to tell them I wasnt asking them to be bm's and they were fine about it although it has got back to me since then that one of them isnt very happy about it but she has never said anything to me. Some people didnt agree with my choice but at the end of the day its not up to them. As long as me & my h2b are happy thats all that counts. :wv
minnielulu Posts: 358
Hi Autumn Winter, It would be lovely if your wedding brought you and your sister back together but only ask her if it's what YOU want to do. Weddings can be stressful enough and if you do decide to ask her because of pressure from your family you may end up resenting them and your sister if things start unravelling, plus if you haven't really spoken that much recently or been in any sort of contact it might be awkward trying to organise things like dress shopping / fitting, hens etc. IMHO I think it may add unnesseccary stress but only you know best and your particular situation. My advise to any bride would be to choose your bridemaids very carefully, I chose 2 SIL (DHs sisters) whom I thought I got on well with and it turned out to be the biggest mistake ever and it nearly made me sick with worry wondering what was going to go wrong next with them so I would say pick people you love, are close to and like having around you and also that you can trust. Good luck :thnk