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Bullying in preschool - how do you handle it?

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alton Posts: 3077
Ok bullying is probably too strong a word yet, but there is a kid in DS' class that is tormenting him a bit. Just kiddie things - like pulling at his jumper and touching his face when he doesn't want to be touched. I think it works better all round if kids can sort out these issues among themselves, but I'm not sure what to suggest DS do. I know he has told the other boy to stop, and he has told him no (those are the snippets he's told me). I don't know whether to tell him to ask a teacher for help because some teachers would consider that tattling and that kind of reaction makes things worse for the child being tormented. I'm trying to think of ways to empower him, but I'm a bit stumped. Thinking back I remember my dad advising me to punch a classmate on the nose, and my mum stopping a 6 year old on the way to school one day with a look that could curdle milk and the advise to leave me alone. I'm not sure I'll be asking either of them for advice! Any thoughts?
Anne Cordelia Shirley Posts: 4731
There should be a behaviour management policy in place and you should have received a copy of it. I would suggest talking to the teacher. It's not about telling tales, the teacher should be able to spot and deal with any behaviour issues such as bullying. A teacher will not think you are tattling, if they are any good at their job they will want to sort it out and will appreciate you bringing this to their attention. This kind of things needs to be nipped in the bud, children can be very, very scarred by bullying at such a formative age.
mummytime Posts: 3149
I agree, discuss it with the pre-school teacher. Most likely your son will not be the only kid bothered by the other kids behaviour and the teacher will already have picked up on it. It will put your mind at easeone way or another. If your son has mentioned this to you, then he is looking for your help.
motherhubbard Posts: 3037
Hi Alton, Is it a kid that your DS normally plays with or just another boy in the class iykwim. I agree with the girls tecahers are who are best to handle these things, especially when its happening in class. I think some kids just dont take heed of what other kids want no matter how forceful the child says it, lets face it there are some kids who dont take heed of what adults tell them let alone a peer! I hope it gets sorted soon :wv
mrs mammy Posts: 1487
Hi, my little man started preschool too. He has gotten very shy and clingy the last few months so I mentioned it to his teacher in there that I was slightly worried in case someone is saying something to him or something is happening. I guess because I was bullied all through primary school I am going to be worrying that little bit more. Anyway the teacher said not to worry she will make sure he is well ready for big school and can stick up for himself by the end of the year, she didnt think there had been any incidents but sure you never know. So I guess what I am saying is, do mention it to the teacher. A friend of mine's dd was being bullied in school, she mentioned it to her teacher and she was moved away from the bullier but it was stil going on, she was becoming withdrawn and having nightmares and wetting the bed. Well the first day back at school last year my friend dropped her daughter off & was getting into her car, turned round to wave bye to the daughter and here they were holding the lo up against a wall threatening her. She got out of the car and went over and roared at them. scared the bejaysus out of them. They havent touched her since, if anything they are afraid of her now :o0 I thought it was a risky thing to do because you never know how people are going to take that, yelling at two 6 year olds but I guess it was done in the heat of the moment and I couldnt honestly say I wouldnt do it myself.
alton Posts: 3077
Ahh, I really didn't realise how complicated this whole parenting thing was going to be! I decided to have a word with his teacher this morning and I gather that this child isn't settling well and hasn't really figured out how to interact with other kids yet. From my point of view, that's good news: DS isn't doing anything to draw bullying or aggression on himself specifically, and this isn't happening secretly. But I'm still not sure what to tell DS. I told him if someone is annoying him to say "Stop doing that" loudly, so that he a) stands up for himself, b)alerts the teacher indirectly. I'm not sure what else to suggest. Yesterday he was talking about this other boy as a "bold boy" and a "baddie" (that's another thing about sending them to school: they come home with the vocabulary you were so careful to avoid) and said he wasn't going to play with him. I'm torn between encouraging him to protect himself, and concern for the other kid getting excluded. I suggested that he hadn't learned to play properly yet and that he might need to show him what to do, and DS promptly agreed that someone would have to do this and nominated one of the other kids! It's a tricky balance between promoting social responsibility and wanting to protect your own child.
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Silini2 Posts: 3834
The poor little man!! This happened to dd1 earlier this year. Another little girl in her crèche and playschool was constantly at her saying her clothes weren't nice (at four, crazy!!) her drawings were horrible, she couldn't play etc... This other girl is a year older. At first I told her to walk away but she tried it and the girl followed her, then I told her to tell her teacher but in the end i went in and spoke to her teacher. They handled it very well moved her from sitting with this child and talked to them all about playing nicely etc. this seemed to sort it out. Also I think my little girl matured a bit more in the meantime and was more able to deal with her. I'm so glad I didn't send her to big school yet, it's good to be a little older to deal with this stuff... I'd advise speaking to his pre school, they'd be used to dealing with these issues... The way I see it, nobody is going to look out for your child except you, so do what seems right to you.
shawn128 Posts: 2
Hello, With school bullying consistently in the media spotlight, most parents are aware that it's a serious problem. That's encouraging—but we're forgetting about our youngest and most vulnerable age group, the toddler and preschool crowd. Thank you....
swati26 Posts: 1
[quote="shawn128":xtovdf7m]Hello, With school bullying consistently in the media spotlight, most parents are aware that it's a serious problem. That's encouraging—but we're forgetting about our youngest and most vulnerable age group, the toddler and preschool crowd. Thank you....[/quote:xtovdf7m] Hey, With school bullying consistently in the media spotlight, most parents are aware that it's a serious problem. That's encouraging—but we're forgetting about our youngest and most vulnerable age group, the toddler and preschool crowd.
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