Children at wedding

We've Moved!

Our wonderful discussion forums have now moved to Facebook...

Click to join us in our HIGM ("Help I'm Getting Married") group!

Emmi23 Posts: 101
Ok, here goes, need a bit of advice on this please. We decided from the start not to have any children at our wedding, a choice we made as we dont agree with having kids at weddings but thats just our opinion. Anyway, h2b has 2 nieces and older is flower girl. Decided that kids would be picked up after church and photos but now parents are having probs getting minders 4 the kids but we were adament that they were being collected after and it kinda came to blows. But now im thinking maybe we were being a bit too harsh with our views and wondering if we should say to bring the 2 kids 4 the day???? What do ye think??? Just dont want it 2 seem like we were making such a fuss over nothing if we say 2 bring them??? All advise welcome please cause it's wreckin my head!!! O:| O:|
she Posts: 3298
Look at the end of the day, it's up to you but if they really can't get a babysitter, let them go. Make it quite clear that they need to take responsibility for their Children and not let them run amuck. Oh and tell them not to say anything to anyone else incase someone else decides to jump on the bandwagon.
bucketofchips Posts: 1913
How can they not orgainse a childminder when they have over 3 months to do so?
Emmi23 Posts: 101
Just a few things have gone wrong for them i suppose plus most of the family will be at the wedding. Said they mite be able 2 get between this and then 2 mind the kids but just wondering if we shud back down and let them bring the kids???? They are one and 5. Just dont want to come across as a bridezilla and my h2b a groomzilla cause we said no.
bucketofchips Posts: 1913
We only had 2 kids at our wedding and both were our flowergirls - like you are planning to do - they were brought home after the wedding ceremony at 6pm. Their mum, my sis-in-law didn't think a wedding at night was a suitable place for them and to be frank, neither did I or my husband. It's up to you, I dunno really, if they are genuine in their issues with not being able to find a minder maybe allow them but if you are telling other guests kids are not being invited, it may look odd to have them there.
Emmi23 Posts: 101
Yeah, that's where we were coming from too just wanted to make sure we werent being completely harsh!!
bucketofchips Posts: 1913
[quote="Emmi23":302xq7xk]Yeah, that's where we were coming from too just wanted to make sure we werent being completely harsh!![/quote:302xq7xk] To be honest, I'm sure if the [i:302xq7xk]really[/i:302xq7xk] want to, they'll find a minder for them. What are the kids like? Are they well behaved or little terrors? If you do decide to say yes, make sure you really drive home the part about you not wanting them running around spoiling your evening and that you are now quite embarrassed as you've told others not to bring their kids. Quite frankly if they are there unless they're climbing the walls, you probably won't notice them as it's amazing the things that you'll ignore on your wedding day and afterwards a lot of things are seen in more relaxed and carefree perspective. Good luck!
Emmi23 Posts: 101
Thanks a million for the advise. Talked to my h2b again and we're going to stick with our original decision. I was just getting a bit soft. Always happens!!!! :-8 :-8
jess08 Posts: 481
The other option is to allow them to come to the dinner but insist that they go to bed in their room before the band start, most kids will be tired at this stage anyway and will happily go and watch a dvd. Most hotels will organise a babysitter who will sit in the room with them. It kind of covers both sides, the kids are there for the dinner but then gone before the music starts. The babysitter wont cost to much cos it'll only be for the evening, and the parents dont have to leave the kids overnight. But if its important to you then stick to your guns!! Its your day!!
barley Posts: 858
This has come up so many times. I have been to 4 weddings with my children over the years and each time they stayed for the dinner and I brought them home with me at 9pm leaving H2B to enjoy the rest of the night with his family on 3 of the weddings and on the forth my daughter stayed for the duration as it was in Belgium and she was 9 at the time. I would never relax myself with my children at someone elses wedding and will be sending my 2 younger ones to bed at 9:30 after the first dance with their babysitter at my own wedding. In saying that I have 3 children and babysitters aren't easy to find, we only have my Mum and one of his sisters and if they are busy or at the wedding we are invited to then we simply can't go but that only goes for family weddings as they would normally be available for friends weddings and I wouldn't bring the kids to a friends wedding anyway. So many people suggest that they can get a babysitter in the hotel, no way would I leave my children in a hotel room with someone I never met before regardless of their recomendations and I know that most of the parents I know would feel the same as me. So what I'm saying is, it's not always simple to get a babysitter so saying that they are not being totally truthful about that regardless of how far away the wedding is, is unfair and not everyone will leave their children with a stranger so all they can do is bring them (family weddings only) and one of them leave early to bring the kids to bed, simple as that. What will you do if they can't get a babysitter, tell them they can't come or give in. I'm sure they'll want to bring the 1 year old to bed and the 5 year old wouldn't last very long but so what if she does. At one wedding where my daughter was FG and only 4, we stayed at the wedding until [email protected] and she had a ball dancing with her dad and grandad but she was a very well behaved child and we were responsible parents and wouldn't have let her out of our sight. If it's only one child then why not allow it? Is she and the 1yo the only nieces/nephews? If so then it shouldn't be a problem because friends and cousins shouldn't expect their children to be invited. Sorry it's so long winded but it annoys me (being a mother) when people suggest strangers to babysit at the hotel or think you're lying when you say you can't get a babysitter for a family wedding because the chances are they're not making it up as most parents prefer grandparents or sisters babysitting to strangers or the local 15 yo who may not be the most responsible person to mind any child let alone a 1 yo and a 5yo for a full day and night. Now that's my tuppence worth, hope I didn't offend anyone.