Do you feel comfortable giving ALL your opinions in front of your partner, or do you pretend to be more tolerant, less bitchy, more optimistic etc?
A few times I said to my DH 'the end of the week is great, Sat & Sun off work', and he made out that I was lazy and just dying for the end of the week. I don't mind my job but I really enjoy my free time. I also enjoy not having to leave the house at 7.45 am, baby & lunch packed up. I don't mind work but the getting packed and getting to work can be a bit of a struggle. Also, I try not to complain to DH if I am sick. I just try to take an early night, arrange a days holiday or flexi off work to recover. I complained once or twice when I was very sick and on antibiotics, and he said that I was not positive and that I must be getting better. (It took 2 lots of antibiotics to get better so it was not all in my mind)
Also, I don't feel comfortable giving all my views to DH. Eg. he thinks there is no rush for a couple to get married and can't understand people who get married after 2 or 3 yrs. However, I feel that if a female is in her 30s and knows she wants her partner, why wait til 40 to get married and then trying to start a family. I also can't see the point of a couple being in their 30s and dating for years without living together.
I rarely give out about friends, people from work etc, as I don't want to sound petty, making a big deal of small things etc. If someone does something wrong to me, I just tell DH and then say 'I wonder why they said that'. He rarely offers his opinion on my friends/workmates as he is afraid I will tell my family/someone else what he said.
DH thinks qualifications and college are the be all and end all. I think it can depend on what you study and if you are lucky in getting a job. I studied arts/business and found that I had to work on low pay for years and do further qualifications to make anything of my career. Luckily I lived at home for college, but I would feel very guilty if my parents paid for me to stay away from home, and then not earning much money in my career. I have seen that people from school who were not brainy and had no qualifications after leaving cert often have better jobs now than people who did lots of study. I would advise anyone to be careful about spending too much money on study, unless you are going to be a doctor/dentist or something with a guaranteed job. It can be difficult to make the money back, especially if you spend 20K living away from home for 4 yrs.
TBH, i find it a bit strange that you don't feel you can be completely honest with your husband. I would be very comfortable giving my opionions in front of H2B, we don't always agree but still respect each other's thoughts. The only thing I would hold back on would be some of my thoughts on his brother but thats out of respect for him and his family and he has a fairly good idea anyway because I'm not very good at holding back!
[quote="Betsey2011":1etao5bu]TBH, i find it a bit strange that you don't feel you can be completely honest with your husband. I would be very comfortable giving my opionions in front of H2B, we don't always agree but still respect each other's thoughts. The only thing I would hold back on would be some of my thoughts on his brother but thats out of respect for him and his family and he has a fairly good idea anyway because I'm not very good at holding back![/quote:1etao5bu]
If you are not comfortable giving your full honest opinions, he isn't really getting to know the real you.
I will tell h2b anything (well not the price of some of the clothes I buy but that's different). Yes we disagree on some things and that is fine, would be boring if we didn't. Just because he doesn't have the same opinion as you doesn't mean the relationship is going to end.
I'd hate if I had to be careful of what I'm saying. Only work colleagues don't get to know the "real". Me and h2b respect each others opinions but we can also say "Eh no I think you are wrong" and then have a discussion about why.
Er what? Are you serious?
You are lazy because you look forward to the weekend.
You don't complain to your husband when you're sick.
You find it a struggle to get ready for work with your baby.
Your uncomfortable giving your views on minor subjects.
You don't give out about people to your husband.
Basically it sounds to me like you are witholding anything negative from him which must be immensely hard work! What exactly does your husband do? I presume he works 7 days a week if you have to struggle to be ready for work/not look forward to the weekend or be sick!!! I hope you've a lot of friends and family to talk to!
To answer your question I'd say whatever I wanted to my h2b with the exception of some (truthful) negative comments about his family or nastiness which would hurt him. Any opinion I have on any given subject I'd say - why shouldn't I? If he can't cope with the worst part of me then he sure as hell won't last the next 40 odd years with me.
I will tell h2b anything (well not the price of some of the clothes I buy but that's different)
The only opinions I used to keep from him were my thoughts on his family.
Now I let him know them too - and they're rarely positive!
I actually thought he'd take those opinions badly but he usually agrees - even though he doesn't like to admit it!
You're just not being yourself in front of your spouse. I don't think that's healthy.
How can you be truly happy if you can't be yourself??
It must be very stressful to have to constantly think about what you're going to say to him and to try to stay 'positive'! I think your dh needs a reality check and to realise that, in life, making the odd negative comment is not the end of the world.
To tell you the truth, I couldn't live like that... Knowing that I couldn't show the most important person in the world to me, my true personality.
Honestly I find it a bit strange and worrying that you feel like you can't be yourself around your husband. I'm an outspoken person anyway so I would not be able to stay married to someone who I could not be completly honest with. You husband should be the one person in this life that you can share anything with - without feeling stupid or inhibited.
Are you afraid of starting an arguement or something?
I notice that he is not afraid to give you his opinion in relation to things that you bring up- perhaps you should take a leaf out of his book!
Are you like this with everyone or is it just your DH?
Does he open up to you about what worries/annoys him??
I hold nothing back-he knows exactly how i feel about everything whether he wants to hear it or not. And that includes everything i think about his family
I feel very sorry for you - in the nicest possible way. I think you suffer from low self esteem and don't have confidence in your own opinions. I get the feeling you think that people will 'not like or love you' if you are disagreeable in any way. You need to realise that you are lovable, warts and all. I'm sure you know plenty of people whose opinions / actions you don't agree with - but it doesn't make you want to leave them or love them any less.
You should think about seeing a counsellor or reading some self help books to improve your self worth. Best of luck x