Had my big scan yesterday and all went well but afterwards we went up to see the consultant and thats whats upsetting me.
H2b asked when we would go through our birthplan and she said after antenatal classes but that she wouldn't do elective sections. I told her we wanted the opposite, as natural a birth as possible.
Her response to that was that childbirth was excruciatingly painful and that I will probably reconsider having the epidural once in it!
I went on to say that I would like the pushing stage to be natural also, that I didn't really want to be coached or have strict time limits and she said that the hospital policy was one hour for the pushing stage and then continued to stress that sometimes when parents push for a natural birth it takes too long and the baby ends up being 'handycapped' (her word).
Now I am fully aware of possible complications in childbirth, which is why I would like it to be natural but I think what she said was really insensitive. I was very upset and to be honest I don't think h2b understood why it upset me.
I'd love to know what any of you think. Am I being overy sensitive?
I don't know what to do now, she seems totally against any form of natural childbirth at all.
Are you a private patient ? If not hopefully you won't meet her again but if you are I'd recommend keeping silent about your preferences for the next while as long as everything goes well in the pregnancy. The fact of the matter is that if all is well on the day of labour you may not see the consultant at all, or not till the end anyway. You will be with a midwife during labour who will hopefully work with you and your birth preferences. Again if all is well and if you don't live miles from the hospital I'd recommend staying at home as long as possible and labouring in your own house - that way you won't be 'on the clock' as soon as the contractions start. Have you investigated hypnobirthing? The course or even Tracey Donegan's book sounds like it would suit your feelings on the subject and you might give it to DH for a read as well. Of course we all want healthy babies - it's so patronising to suggest otherwise and I can't beleive she used the word handicapped
- but there are ways of managing labour that are better than others and you have every right to investigate them at this stage. Hopefully she was just having a bad day!
Jesus that's an awful thing to say to someone at your stage. Great bedside manner
Tinytots I think maybe your consultant is just making sure you are open to the fact that you may not have as natural a birth as you want. I had an ideal in my head I wanted a water birth but it didn't end up that way, I took everything they could give me and the pain is horrendous (it does go thankfully once baby is born). My birth plan was very different to my experience but worth it as I now have a beautiful baby.
I find consultants can be quite abrupt as they do this all the time and don't realise what they say can be upsetting.
Best of luck
yeah but the consultants are doing this everyday several times a day. i'd do anything that they recommend.
hat's a terrible thing to say and don't listen to her - loads of people on here have managed a drug free birth (including me) and yes, its painful, but it's also do-able and I'm guessing you aren't expecting a totally pain free labour
Like another poster said, you might not even see her anyway during labour, I never saw a consultant just a midwife who seem to be more open to listening to the mother's wishes.
While here manner was very abrupt and her language was not helpful (and strange for a consultant!) I think she may have been trying to say that the idea of a natural birth does not always work out. I wanted a natural birth and ended up having a section-I was devastated but in the end of babs is healthy that's all that matters.
MirandaH, I am doing Tracy's homestudy program and loving it.
Thank you all for your constructive comments.
I'm hoping that the consultant was only trying to prepare me in case it does not all do to plan.
I do not except pain free at all but I do want a fear free birth and she wasn't
being too conducive to that
[quote="Idina":286fpwrw]While here manner was very abrupt and her language was not helpful (and strange for a consultant!) I think she may have been trying to say that the idea of a natural birth does not always work out. I wanted a natural birth and ended up having a section-I was devastated but in the end of babs is healthy that's all that matters.[/quote:286fpwrw]
I couldn't agree more about the health of the baby - I wanted a natural birth and ended up with cord compression and an emergency section and as far as I'm concerned the doc saved my baby's life and I couldn't be more greatful. I have never regretted the route my birth took despite it being totally against my original 'plan' because my gorgeous boy is safe and healthy. But I think telling someone at less than 20 weeks pregnant that all she has to look forward to is 'excruciating pain' is unhelpful in the extreme, and implying as she seems to have done that natural birth leads to a higher rate of disability (presumably from lack of oxygen etc) is just bizarre. I said a similar thing in a post on birth plans... basically plan for the best but be prepared for every scenario... but the best thing you can do is to read up on as much of the process as you can and have communication with your doctor and it doesn't sound like this is a priority for this person
edited - I edited the original version of this post as I was aware it might not be constructive for the op... blame lack of sleep please!
You have to remember that consultants see a disproportionate number of problem deliveries so their experience of childbirth isn't very positive.
Will that consultant be present at the birth (i.e. are you going private) or will your care be midwife-led? It may be worth your while discussing your plan with a midwife to guage their reaction, simply because they see a wide range of births.
Don’t let this one interaction get you down. Stay focused on having a very positive experience next year!
If you're not on the GentleBirth online group PM me your email address and I'll send you the invite.
Hi Tinytots – I would echo what Miranda has said and wouldn’t pursue this discussion any further with your consultant. You have lots of time to explore your options and focus on preparing for the best experience possible with or without the support of your consultant.
Alton hit the nail on the head too in that your consultant's beliefs about birth have been formed by more negative than positive experiences. Birth is unpredictable that is a sure thing, but by suggesting to you that by doing X you are guaranteed a particular outcome is making promises that no medical professional can keep. Nature always has the final say.
You will hear from some consultants and even friends/family members that the only goal is a healthy baby and Mum. This infers that the goal of having positive experience and the goal of a healthy baby are incompatible. This is not an either or situation - you can have both. Just by stating your intention that you want to have a natural birth gets a lot of people's backs up and then you end up putting pressure on yourself to 'show them' iykwim. This is one of the reasons I hold GentleBirth monthly meetings and have the online group - you know that you're always in good company with likeminded couples and can talk freely about your plans for a great birth without getting shot down