Dealing with death?

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McLisa Posts: 1815
Sorry to bring to the tone of the forum down girls but my grandad passed away on Thursday at ripe old age of 85, so he had a good long life. I'm just back home from wake for few hours to unwind and get stuff together for funeral tomorrow and my mind has been running wild. I've only had one other person pass way which I was close to and it was my other granny about 8 years ago but I've been really struggling over past few days to get my head around concept of death...how can someone be here one minute and gone the next and thought of putting them in dark cold ground astounds me. My poor wee granny is in a daze, she's proper old generation were women do everything for their men and worshipped my grandad so she is going to be so lost without him. It's started making me panick with thoughts of what if I lost H2B I don't think I could cope so how do people do it after spending 60 years of their life together? I know it happens every minute of every day and it's all part of life but I still can't get my he's around it. Sorry for morbid post just needed a wee outlet for it all
MrsDr Posts: 1316
Mclisa Im so sorry to hear about your grandad :thnk TBH I only dealth with death once,my uncle who I was very close to died of cancer when I was 18. We were devastated, he decided that enough was enough and he couldnt go through the treatment anymore. To this day I still am astounded how my auntie coped, firstly with her husband saying that he was ready to go and secondly watching him die. I visited him in the hospice the day before he died and to see my aunt distraught knowing their time together was nearly complete and knowing that she would cut off her right arm in an instant if someone said it would stop him leaving. I think about it so much, I couldnt cope if DH passed away to think about it even causes my chest to tighten. Be there for your granny as much as possible. Talk about your grandad. Will be thinking of you and your family :thnk
MrsDr Posts: 1316
Double post :wv
mammymcphee Posts: 4477
You poor thing, Im really sorry for your loss :action32 Its very hard to lose someone close to you, Ive lost a good few close relatives and I know how hard it is. My friend died suddenly also, 2 years ago, and to this day I still can't come to terms with it,we shared the same birthday, and actually buried him on my 30th(his 39th) :o( I feel like he is gone on holidays or something.He was my brothers best friend, and they were the best of buds their whole lives, We have to be there for my brother as he gets so down about the whole thing, but we all still talk about him like hes around. and we all have some brilliant memories. Be there for your nana and ye will get through it, Thinking of ye all O:o)
Girl From Mars Posts: 1446
[quote="McLisa":luob2zbu]Sorry to bring to the tone of the forum down girls but my grandad passed away on Thursday at ripe old age of 85, so he had a good long life. I'm just back home from wake for few hours to unwind and get stuff together for funeral tomorrow and my mind has been running wild. I've only had one other person pass way which I was close to and it was my other granny about 8 years ago but I've been really struggling over past few days to get my head around concept of death...[u:luob2zbu][b:luob2zbu]how can someone be here one minute and gone the next and thought of putting them in dark cold ground astounds me.[/b:luob2zbu] [/u:luob2zbu] My poor wee granny is in a daze, she's proper old generation were women do everything for their men and worshipped my grandad so she is going to be so lost without him. It's started making me panick with thoughts of what if I lost H2B I don't think I could cope so how do people do it after spending 60 years of their life together? I know it happens every minute of every day and it's all part of life but I still can't get my he's around it. Sorry for morbid post just needed a wee outlet for it all[/quote:luob2zbu] I'm sorry for your loss. I've lost a good few people and I never deal well with death. it's one of those things that just always gets to me. The one thing that struck me about your post is the line I highlighted above- it's not them that you're putting into the ground, their spirit, their personality, the memories you have of them: they all stay with you in one way or another. All that's in the ground is what remains. Do you have any religious or spiritual faith? If so, now is the time to take comfort in them. Your grandad is at peace.
McLisa Posts: 1815
Thanks girls for your posts they mean alot. I suppose it's just finality of it all and never seeing the person again, never hear their voice, its just so hard to comprehend. I honestly don't know how people cope with losing a life long partner. Your right tho girl from mars its not really them in the ground you sort of helped put it into perspective a lot, I just feel for everyone hurting and want to take their pain away but I suppose it's an inevitable part of life. Thanks again girls :lvs
Emme Posts: 4735
First of all when you hear your little voice saying to youself 'what if' catch it and throw it out of your head again. You have no control or knowledge about when you're going to loose someone so thinking about it is just a waste of time and it will drain every bit of energy out of you worrying about it. My Dad died when I was a teenager and what I couldn't get my head around was coming home from the hospital that morning I sat looking out the car window at people going to work, setting up the outside of their shops, delivery men etc. Then I turned on the radio expecting there to be a change to the schedule and there was Larry Gogan as normal with the chart show and I was like...shouldn't there be something different...my world has just changed forever, how come everything else is the same. But thats just life and ultimately thats what gets people through. You have to catch up with the world again when you're ready....in the meantime it sucks but just take comfort in the knowledge that it will get better.
Snuffy Posts: 1492
You poor thing, really sorry for your loss. :action32 I'm with girl from mars on not thinking about it like that. I found not thinking about them in that way really helpful. I've dealt with a fair bit of death, both expected after illnesses and suddenly in tragic circumstances. All Barr one was during my childhood, and actually I think that has probably helped me to be able to deal with it more now as an adult. It was talking about the memories and laughing about things that happened with them that helped. However everyone is different with this and I think it takes some people longer than others to reach this point. There isn't one method of dealing that works for everyone, and I know it a horrible cliche, but time does help. Now I mean that from the point of view that I think as time goes by it is easier to talk about them and remember all the funny stories and laugh about them In a happy way. God I don't know if I'm making sense now, it's hard to describe. Anyway, i hope you're doing ok and someone is looking after you too.
maxicosi Posts: 576
I lost all grandparents and an uncle when i was younger but the most painful death i have dealt with was a close friend who was killed in a car crash over 6 years ago. I thought i would never ge through it and i think of him all the time but honestly time is the best healer you eventually stop crying at the drop of a hat and just come to terms with the change but do grief and allow yourself to go though the process and expect good and bad days but just remember time does heal, hope your ok and sorry to hear your going through this
ItsMyTurn Posts: 11
Girls, I too would love to know the answer as to how to cope with death. My Dad died one week ago very very suddenly and its left us all struggling. Not sure why im replying to be honest. Still in shock, i suppose. :o( :o(