I guess nothing is ever off limits, but it really depends on what you're willing to do. I had considered how easy it would be to un-ask one difficult bridesmaid but I figured the sourness of doing that would outweigh any potential issues on the day so I chose not to and I'm happy with that decision. Once the big day has come and gone these things that seemed like big issues at the time tend to fizzle away to nothingness and I'm glad I didn't as I would have hated to have upset anyone.
The girl in question was just super unhelpful and distant and a little mean about certain things, but it wasn't the end of the world. If your MOB is an absolute briar that is making your life very difficult then perhaps my situation was too different. It really is up to you but I'd be wary of doing something drastic for fear of being labelled a bridezilla.
I can understand why you would want to unask this bridesmaid. If you thought enough of her to make her MOH, u would be hoping she would be the girl that is there for you. But if she has shown u in recent times that she doesn't think as much of you as you do of her, perhaps she doesn't deserve the right to stand beside you on the most special day.
But has she perhaps had issues of her own... there is a lot of stress going on for people in present times and maybe she just couldn't be there for you because of pressures she is under herself. Have you asked her if everything is alright?
Just remember you will still need two witnesses to sign the register on the day, so if you are not having bridesmaids/bestman/groomsmen.. u will have to find witnesses still.
I will say though that it is horrible to unask someone and maybe ye need a good talk, so if u feel in ur heart u wouldn't be happy to have her MOH, be prepared for the fact it may change ur friendship for good.
You asked this person to be your bridesmaid and also your MOH so she obviously, at one point in time, was your no.1 girlfriend. Now you are thinking of telling her, after some issues, she is not required. Have you spoken with your friend and had a heart to heart about these issues you mention? Surely if she was a good enough friend to have asked to be you MOH then she should be a good enough friend that you can discuss things with her?
What will happen if you do decide to relieve her of her duties? Will you even invite her to the wedding? Would be a tad awkward if she was there as a normal guest after having been MOH.
If after a good chat with her you decide that she is not suitable for the MOH role then at least you have tried to understand and given her the chance to explain her actions.
I would be very slow to unask her. It will permanently damage the relationship. For the sake of one day and to avoid looking petty and to avoid an argument I'd just leave it. Your other BMs will act as a buffer and leave them to sort out any difficulties with her on the day. They sound like decent girls who will take her in hand - they don't have a relationship with her so who cares if they have to get stern with her. You could orchestrate it that you don't spend much time with her on the day by arranging her hair and make up cleverly and jigging the transport plans and table plan so she's far away from you.
[quote="Hbombadero":sw4qaafp]I would be very slow to unask her. It will permanently damage the relationship. For the sake of one day and to avoid looking petty and to avoid an argument I'd just leave it. Your other BMs will act as a buffer and leave them to sort out any difficulties with her on the day. They sound like decent girls who will take her in hand - they don't have a relationship with her so who cares if they have to get stern with her. You could orchestrate it that you don't spend much time with her on the day by arranging her hair and make up cleverly and jigging the transport plans and table plan so she's far away from you.[/quote:sw4qaafp]
Exactly this. My day went off without a hitch and it really did play out like this. I think the general rule is that un-asking someone to be a bridesmaid is a bit nasty and to try explore all other avenues first. I can see by your ticker that you've a while to go yet, things might change in the meantime and you can always sit down and have a very frank chat with her about how she's making you feel.
I was relieved of my bridesmaid duties last year by a friend of 10years. In the run up to her wedding I was unemployed at the time & had explained that whilst I couldn't afford spa/relaxation days & multiple hen parties, I would support her in other ways.
When I say relieved of my duties it was put to me 10days before the wedding that she had someone else who would love to do it if I didn't want to, so she wouldn't have more men in the bridal party tan women. The reason for this was I had been in a car accident & sustained facial injuries which I would still be a little self conscious of. And as the bride had then decided to have a professional photographer & videoographer she felt I'd be uncomfortable.
Having asked another girl to do the job before saying anything to me I felt she was weeding me out but just hadn't the bottle to be upfront about it. Long story short, I attended the wedding as a guest, gave a generous gift, and not heard from her since! So if you're going to un-ask you MOH, be honest with her and yourself. Good luck!
Jesus Sarah. That's awful. What a b*tch.
Also, why was this deleted?