Do you and your OH fight?

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pigeonwife Posts: 3789
Just wondering if we are "normal" or not. We would go long stretches with just the odd argument but can also hit the occasional bad patch where things get heated with raised voices and the odd door slammed. I came from a fairly volatile household where fighting and shouting was frequent so by comparison I think our rows are quite mild. I do hate it though and am always working to respond differently (I would be worse than DH for losing the rag) but sometimes I feel like we're the only ones. Things have been bad in the last couple of weeks with a good few rows - I blame the hormones, find it hard to keep things in proportion. Anyway would love to hear some feedback from other couples. At the end of the day I know me and DH are rock solid and DS is a happy well adjusted little boy (most arguments take place after he's in bed) so I don't feel our rowing has a major affect on any of us but at the same time would still like to find a better way of communicating. Thanks. :wv
ghostchild2 Posts: 6237
PW you sound perfectly normal to me. DH and I can go months without arguing but then we'll have stupid little fights over nothing and then maybe a big one. All couples go through rough patches so don't beat yourselves up about it. Oh and remember the making up part always makes the fight worth it >:o) >:o) >:o) >:o)
Sassypants Posts: 4461
You and your OH sound exactly like us. We could go for months and everything could be wonderful and amazing and then all of a sudden BAM!! a crap few weeks will follow where everything annoys us and we're constantly sniping and then it goes back to being madly in love again. I know from a different thread that there are couples out there that don't fight but I don't think that will ever be us. We puddle each other off loads but at the end of the day we love each other and know that we're in a great and healthy relationship. I come from a family with a single mother so I find it strange living with a man at all! I wouldnt be worrying if I were you, you sound like you have a good solid relationship and in a few months will have 2 gorgeous little kiddies to love! Congrats.
FlexyDee Posts: 4904
We really never argue as we both came from homes that never really argued as such.
caramelsquare Posts: 866
Interesting topic. Was wondering about this having read about couples who don't fight at all recently.I would say we fall into the "other" category. Not something I am proud of, but I don't think we are unusual. Both our families would be the non-rowing type. I can only ever remember one serious row between my parents as a child, otherwise just the odd snip in the heat of the moment that is over a moment later. DH is quite passionate about things, and so am I. We tend to go through patches of being very very chilled and getting on great then have a few rows over such silly things. It annoys me, but I always think it's not the topic that counts so much as how we overcome it. I think as long as the topic is not fundamental to the relationship then it could be considered a "healthy row". Not to say that rowing is okay - I think it demonstrates our weaknesses in communication but we are very aware of that and make a huge effort to talk things out calmly instead. This has worked very well for us lately. I think the row is generally about something else, stress over another issue or whatever. We haven't had the easiest year so that probably contributes. Making up is so important though! I've made us out to have a terrible relationship - we don't and are very strong. Think we are possibly a passionate couple if that makes sense? :-8
frazzledkitty Posts: 882
we never argue and when i say never that doesnt mean we dont have disagreements and we arent the Brady Bunch or anything but we've both come from homes where our parents never fought, i never saw my parents argue though i'm sure they must have done. with the children in the house we would never argue and will say what we have to say when they are gone to bed..i'll never go to bed on an argument so if there's something that's bugging me or him we say it straight away rather than let it fester..i think thats key rather then "whats wrong?" and me saying "nothing" when clearly i'm peed off..if i've something to say ill say it and so will he but we've never once shouted at each other though sometimes i've been tempted but would never shout in front of the children and they live in our pockets so we dont get the opportunity to shout :o0
caramelsquare Posts: 866
You're right there FrazzledKitty. Going to bed on an argument / disagreement is a no no. I think I am sometimes guilty of the stonewall effect whereby I say everything is fine when it is not. And it is better to be truthful there and then rather than let something drag out for a while. Must put that into practice a bit more actually. That will be my plan for the next while, thanks for reminding me :-8
pigeonwife Posts: 3789
[quote="Happymissus":jp8o733z]Think we are possibly a passionate couple if that makes sense? :-8[/quote:jp8o733z] This makes perfect sense to me and is exactly how I would describe myself and DH. TBH there is a bit more behind this post and I may delete this but would really like some feedback and advice. Basicly as I said we have had a couple of rows lately which have been louder than usual and as we live in a terraced house I think the neighbours may have heard. Now we live in a very small town where people love nothing more than a good gossip and a bit of scandal. So it would be embarassing enough to have it spread that we were rowing. However that's not good enough for the scandalmongers round here. It's being spread that I attacked DH and the guards were called. :eek I've never raised my hand to anyone and have never ever had any run in with the guards - these are complete fabrications. So what the hell do we do? DH is more raging about it than I am but we have no idea how to handle it. TBH am really shocked at the neighbour in question as I was up front with her when we moved in (she was in the same class as me at school) and asked her could she hear us and she said she'd never heard a thing - this was almost a year ago. Really would have thought if she did hear something she would have come to us rather than starting rumours and such nasty ones at that. So what would ye do? At a complete loss TBH. DH wants to confront her - I'm not sure it would do any good. We saw her and her fella outside this evening and I just blanked them as didn't know what else to do. If it was just her would be one thing but has come back to us from a number of different sources so like all good gossip this has been spread far and fast.
frazzledkitty Posts: 882
jesus have people no lives of their own tis scary if it was me and one of my neighbours i'd say to them in passing if i saw them this is exactly what i would say "cmere did you hear the rumour doing the rounds about meself and himself? apparently the guards were called and everything, christ some people have no lives and nothing else to do but go around spreading vicious gossip. Did ye hear anything about it? Am going to get to the bottom of it anyway and find out where it started because himself is only raging over it..scandulous isn't it??" that way your not accusing but letting her know you are pissed off and that you've heard it back
caramelsquare Posts: 866
That is not nice at all for you Pigeon Wife. Obviously things were blown out of proportion. What an awful thing to say about anyone! It's possibly a case of chinese whispers where the story grew arms and legs - but for anyone to go around talking about that is bad in the first place. I think you would probably be best not to do or say anything. You don't need to justify yourself to anyone else. I would just keep your distance and have nothing to do with them at all. You might feel embarassed and self-conscious now, but it will blow over very soon and the people who believe that story are the people who do not know you or your DH very well anyway. Hope you feel okay about it soon