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mandy2 Posts: 17
Hi Girls Just felt like posting my feelings on the baby subject. I am approaching 32 and will be married 2 years in Oct. I feel everyone around me is gone baby mad and I am still not one little bit interested in having any yet. Don't get me wrong, I do like children. I have a little niece and nephew that I am very fond of but the urge has just not hit me yet. I suppose I spent the majority of my 20s studying and working in crap jobs to try and get somewhere. I am now in a really good position job wise and so is my husband and to be honest we are having a blast. Don't want to sound mean to anyone who this recession is effecting but I had 5 holidays last year and am planning the same this year. Think I still feel about 25 ( except with money). Has anyone had a similar experience and what was the outcome. Do you think I should be considering having a baby the fact the I am approaching 32. I would like about 3 children. It doesn't help that my best friend who is a year older than me is very anti kids too. She just doesn't want any. I would really appreciate any feedback especially from people in and around the same age as me. Thanks for reading my rant.
Mrs.G Posts: 1828
in the nicest possible way I think you are posting on the wrong thread ! Everyone here is either trying to have a baby, pregnant or has had one! So don't think you'll find many who feel the same! As I said I mean it in the nicest possible way... ... I could be wrong!
mrsodo Posts: 1292
Hi Mandy, I can just give my experience.... I'm 35 and recently fell pregnant, but I had been trying for over a year and was getting really stressed and worried that it might not happen for me. Two of my friends (late 30s) just had babies through IVF, another is on her 6th cycle of IVF and two others have had two miscarriages in the last two years, having been trying for 3 years +. I waited till last year to start trying as I was very career focussed and to be honest, didn't give my biological clock too much thought. Its personal to everyone the life choices they make, but I think its really scary the number of women I know over 35 who are really struggling to conceive. HTH
frangipani Posts: 1543
don't let yourself to feel under pressure to have a child if the time isn't right for you, just because others are doesn't mean you "have" to. however you say that you'd like to have 3 kids at some stage. do you have an idea of when you'd like this to happen? maybe you should discuss it with your GP as he/she knows your medical history and would probably give you good advice about fertility etc.
bam bam Posts: 1756
I think its quite normal for women to feel this way, just because you reach a certain age, doesn't mean that suddenly you want to have children and no one should judge that. If you're not ready, you're not ready. I was always very broody and couldn't wait to have kids, honestly thought i'd have them before now but we were just not ready in the sense we wanted to get married and get a house etc. I'm 29. I know my friend who is nearly 32 is struggling with this at the moment as alot of our friends are having babies and she's really enjoying her life at the mo and although she wants kids she's not sure if she's putting pressure on herself to think about it now because of her age. I think if she was a little younger she would still put it off for a few years. You never know what another year will bring to you hun. Enjoy yourself and you'll know when you're ready. Obviously things do get a little harder the older you get so you need to consider that too, but don't get into something just because you feel you have to. Also something to consider is by the time you have your first, you may feel you are too old to try for a third. Just thinking this as I know of a girl who had her first at 36, second at 38 and would've loved a third but just was afraid to risk it and feels she's missed out a little. Just things to consider, its very personal choice to make, and you'll do whatever is right for you and your DH. There's no wrong answer here.
Sleep Monster Posts: 2829
I think this is the right place to post to be honest. Everyone here has gone through the thought process already. I'm 32 and pregnant with our second. Having kids was very much a priority for us, but right up until DS arrived I think there were still some doubts. Will I be a good Mum? Will I be able to cope? Am I ready for this? Will my career suffer (it hasn't)? And as much as this second little baby is wanted I'm sure I'll have many concerns right up until the end too. So what I'm trying to say is I'm not sure if you ever reach a point where you are 100% ready, but if you want to have three kids then you do need to have a serious think about your plans. As others have said, it could take some time to conceive and the biological clock is going tick tock unfortunately. What I would suggest is getting the book by Toni Weisher (?) called Taking Charge of Your Fertility. I bought it before we started trying with DS and it reassured me that all was in good working order. If you can figure out whether or not you are ovulating every month, perhaps you will be reassured that you can hold off for a little longer and enjoy your well earned holidays!!! Best of luck with what ever you decide.
mandy2 Posts: 17
Thank you everyone for your feedback and advice. I really appreciated you honesty. I think I need to consider things carefully and have a talk to my husband and see if it is something we should be considering sooner rather than later. I also think I should take a trip to the GP and ask his opinion. Once again thank you for all you advice! It has really helped. Somethimes you just cant ask the people around you in such a frank and honest way.
Isy Posts: 89
Hi mandy2 I really think it differs for people, as you are just approaching 32, I think you have a little time on your side. Hopefully when you do decide you want a family it will happen really quickly for you. I'm 33 and expecting my 1st baby in Nov, up until last year I definitely wasn't ready for a baby but a yr on, I can't wait for my little baby to arrive especially since my sister had her baby girl a few months ago. Enjoy your holidays and free time now and you might feel a lot different in a year's time as 33 aproaches.
Ivy F Posts: 2023
The others have given excellent advice. I'm 34 in 3 weeks, & recently conceived thanks to IVF after almost 2 years trying naturally. We've really enjoyed our child-free years, & now we're ready for the next stage (please God all goes well), but it's only in the last year or so that I've stopped having doubts about whether I'll be a good mother, etc (I'm sure that these doubts will return, too - it's only normal!). Have to add that this may be our only child, partly because of my age, unless I change my mind (DH is already in favour of 2) very quickly after having the first one! I have no regrets about the timing of our TTC'ing, but it does put a bit of pressure on you if you're planning to have more than one.
Terrier Posts: 283
Mandy2 I know exactly how you feel. I'm 32 married a year and have a great life. I wasn't sure if I wanted children but didn't want to leave it too late and then in my late 30's decide I do and maybe possibly have difficulty concieving and regret my decision forever... A very close friend of mine was having difficulty conceiving and really I started to panic about myself as she was so distressed and I kept thinking this will be me. So we relaxed on the contraception and I was surprised that I fell pregnant on the first month!!!!! I thought oh sh*t. Anyway I'm 12 weeks pregnant now and all is fine. I still panic every now and then but I know I'll cope and will be delighted when baby arrives...