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Does anyone not like their Fiances family?

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Sunshine_30 Posts: 89
Hi All, Does anyone feel fed up with their partners family? I have quite a bad relationship with my partners father who is a small minded, opinionated alcoholic. A couple of years ago I had an argument with him because I didnt want to stay the night at their house after a party. He went off the handle and was insinuating that I am not good enough for his son. In the end, my partner and I nearly split over it because I felt he didnt stick up for me. We finally got over it but my relationship with the father is tainted to say the least. I am very civil because of my partner but I now will only go over to their house on an occasion like yesterday, it was my partners 30th Birthday. I just had a bit of an awakening yesterday whilst i was there and i felt like bursting out crying! I realised we were all sitting their while he was piping on about shit and everyone just takes it. Im too scared to speak my mind (very unlike me) in case i start another argument. I feel like im building up resentment thinking about it and i dont think my partner will understand. AHHHHHHHHH!!!!
Casperlady Posts: 166
Oh Hun I feel your pain I'm in similar circumstances and it sucks. I live with my future in laws as we try to save for a house and it's like being on a roller coaster ride. It's one rule for them one for me h2b caught in the middle. I have to bite my tongue so much. His mum has his sister on a pedestal would bend over backwards for her but my fiancé gets treated like crap it's horrible. One minute they are lovely the next you feel so unwelcome. It's a nightmare and the constant little remarks piss me off so much. Unfortunately I'm stuck here for another year and half at least so will bite my tongue til then but once we move out no more miss nice girl. I'll be civil but I'll tell his mum what she is
CasualBride Posts: 574
Yep. I think there are thousands of women who hate their in-laws, I know all of my future in-laws spouses find the family extremely difficult. Each one on their own is fine in day-to-day circumstances but as a whole, they're just infuriating. Constantly judging and giving out about people, everything is someone else's fault, never their own, and their own behaviour is disgraceful. I'm currently livid over someone being invited to the wedding who acted atrociously and was never being invited, but a last minute half-hearted "apology" (can't even call it an apology without putting inverted commas around it) means that my fiance decided to invite this person without even talking to me and now the family are going around high-fiving each other while I just feel totally betrayed and undermined. To say they're hard work is an understatement and luckily we don't have much to do with them but now that the wedding is getting closer, there's more interaction with them and it's putting me off my fiance cos he can't seem to see what they're really like - or more to the point, he won't stand up to them.
crazycatlady15 Posts: 149
Ah hun. Sorry to hear that. Mind yourself and dont let him spoil your lovely plans. The alcoholism is probably playing a part in that. Speaking from experience (previous OH was an alcoholic), they're not interested in taking responsibility for the things that they say - they blame it on the drink - which then just becomes the norm not just for them but for everyone around them. So could be why everyone is just letting him say what he does. Please don't think they're not sticking up for you - it could just be that they know what he's like and can't be bothered stirring up a row. Is there anyone in the family that you could talk to? xx
San15 Posts: 26
Totally get you, my OH father is an egotistical, self important, over opinionated twat! I barely speak to him and only do for my OH sake and our kids. Like you I'm not usually one to hold back if I have something to say, I'm trying to keep the peace but in the last couple of weeks he has been even more of a dick than normal and I'm not sure how much longer I can hold my tongue! I'd rather be wasn't at the wedding tbh cos he'll have a negative opinion on everything
Sunshine_30 Posts: 89
Thanks everyone! Its actually so relieving to know i am not the only one. I suppose its just a case of sucking it up and only making myself present for special occasions. Its just annoying as i live in London (where they are from) and i miss my family so much when i have to put up with them. I do come home all the time but its not the same. We are getting married in Dublin and they are only staying the night of the wedding when they were fully aware we were making it into a weekend event. They said it was too expensive (little dig at me im sure) yet have spent hundreds on doing up there garden recently spending 450 pounds on EXTRA garden furniture which just astounds me. My partner is such a lovely, kind person and it infuriates me that he doesnt get the recognition he deserves because hes not an asshole like his siblings!
Sunshine_30 Posts: 89
PS Casual Bride, i totally get what you mean with regard to it putting you off your partner. I totally feel the same way. Its so annoying that they dont see it because its family.
CasualBride Posts: 574
LOL Sunshine - an "ant-eater" haha!! Good one!! It does put me off to be honest.. like, let's call a spade a spade.. people aren't islands and while it's nice to think that our partners are great and not the same as their horrible family members, they do have the same blood running through them, and that's what puts me off - when push comes to shove, he is, deep down, one of them, and it's very hard to be confident that in 10 years time, the traits that I hate in his older brothers won't have deepened in him.. you know, "grumpy old men" is a phrase for a reason and I do truly believe that as we get older, our traits get more and more pronounced. It's a worry. I feel for you when you're surrounded by them in London with none of your own family to balance it out. Thankfully we live closer to my family than his, but it's still not near enough of a distance. They have this pack mentality that they must stick up for each other against "outsiders" even though they cut the backs off each other themselves too, but it means then that when there's any bad behaviour aimed at any of us in-laws, it's blamed on us instead of the actual culprit, so there's just no winning with them. Oh remind me why we're marrying people again ladies??!! O:|
OldBobbie Posts: 2
The right question would be "Does anyone like their Fiances family?" I think it would be more accurate representation of this statistic. Statistically speaking, there are way less people who liked their Fiances family then vice versa. But it's something that you need to learn how to do(like their Fiances family) because without that skill it would be very hard and complicated to deal with all that family stuff. So you should acquire this skill along the way and better sooner than later. From it in many ways will depend the longevity of your marriage(that is a little remark from my personal experience) :action34
claireodo Posts: 5
It's so common. Crazy how you can love a person so much but not like the family they came from... you'd think they'd be all cut from the same cloth but they're not