Don't know what i'm looking for not really advice,think i just need to tell someone maybe i should post this in relationships.
Me and BF have decided to TTC in Jan, we were talking about it on sat,about stuff we needed to do,check rubella, folic acid and me asking doc for advice cos i have really irregular periods when not on the pill.
(He has 2 kids, one in college and a three year old.He doesn't really have a good relatonship with the 3 year olds mother.)
Then he said well ....x...x(his ex) was off the pill for ages before she got pregnant.
i just freaked out at that.i just got so upset at the thought of him planning a baby with somone else, he told me they didn't that she was off the pll for medical reasons and the didn't plan it.
but i was just so upset that it wasn't going to be his first child that what i went hrough for the first time he would have done it already.
The first kick,the first scan etc.
He did say that it would be special cos it was our first baby.
we talked about it but still feel that it may not be special for him cos its not his first.
raleey don't no what to do cos i really feel bad feeling and thinking like this.I know he loves me and really wants a baby but can't help how i feel.
hope this makes sense sorry for being so long,can't talk to anyone about it cos then they would know we are ttc.
Your BF has two kids and its only now your realising that he won't be a first time Dad.... I think your just feeling a bit insecure because thats not really a rational thing to just realise now.
I think you need to talk to him. I'm having my first baby with DH now, having had my DD 10 years ago, this isn't my first baby but its OUR first baby and its so different, the emotion, the love between us. Even if I tried to make a comparison with my last pregnancy I couldn't.
Relax, if you love him and your sure that you want to be with him for life, because once you have a baby your going to be involved in each others lives for at least 18 years don't go adding to the stress of TTC with worries about things that you cannot change.
I know its sound stupid to only realise now but think it really hit home over the weekend cos we were talking about it so much.We decided last month on ttc in jan but now that we have to arrange doc appointment etc that we really have discussed it.
I know he loves me and wants to have a baby. He has 2 kids but for different reasons has never actually raised them.he has been in contact with them the whole time but between one thing and another has never lived with them.
He is really looking forward to having a more hands on this time.Just feel a bit sad that we can't go through it being the first time for both of us.
There is no getting around it: when your partner already has kids and you don't, it is hard.
My Dh has two and my best friend's hubby already had one. We used to spend our time dreaming about our first babies and how disappointing it was that the lads would not be as into it as we would.
They aren't going to be. Face facts. Yes, the pregnancy is different, the woman is different, he loves you more, its your first baby together etc etc. But it isn't the same.
My DH is pleased about the baby but not overly excited. He doesn't really want to know all the details and is more excited talking about it to other people than to me. That can hurt sometimes. BUT:
A lot of men are like that anyway. They don't get the whole baby thing until it is handed to them. My friend's hubbie had no interest in the pregnancy but worships his daughter. My hubby adores his sons but freely admits he had no interest in their pregnancies either.
What you have to remember is this:
- He will adore the child, ye made it together and he adores you.
- Pregnancy is not as exciting for men, no matter how interested they try to be! How could it? Discuss your whole pg thing with your girl friends or on here, that's what women are good at.
- If he's going to be a good dad once the baby is born, who cares if it's not his first? Or you can't give him all those specials 'firsts'? That goes with the turf I'm afraid. Once you both love the little one, as we will, does it really matter?
If you want to drive yourself mad about not giving him all the 'firsts', you will. I've learned to get over it and enjoy my pregnancy as much as I can, including him where I can. It's the best I can do. But it's MY first and I am going to enjoy every second of it...
Hope it all works out for you! xx
It makes snese when you hear it from some one else. I wouldn't change him havin kids for anything cos they are part of him.
99% of the time i am so excited and can't wait.i suppose dere is no point in worrying about something i can't change.
Thaks for the advice.Best of luck with the rest of your pregnancy Ducky.
I hope I didn't sound too negative on my last post, but unless you are in the situation, as we are, no-one can tell you what it's like.
So, to cheer it up a bit:
Good things about him already being a dad are:
- you know he can do it!! :D
- he will be more aware of the changes to his life and won't miss his old one as much
- he knows how to hold a baby
- he knows how hard it can be for mum
- you already know if he's a good dad (one of the things that made me fall in love with Dh is how much he loved and cherished his family and I knew he would look after me too!!)
- remember, he WANTS this baby, others may not have been strictly 'planned'
- ready made babysitters in older siblings!!