Dreading Christmas after miscarriage

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AudreyJ Posts: 1063
Need to get a whinge off my chest, I am feeling very weepy today. I had a d & c just over 3 weeks ago after a missed miscarriage. I'm feeling mostly ok, but every so often a big wave of grief hits me and it's hitting me big time today. It's my work night out tonight and I really don't feel like going. I am feeling totally apathetic about Christmas. I would have been 12 weeks gone this weekend and we had been planning on travelling up home this weekend to tell my parents. DH's parents are coming over to our house for Christmas Day, so we were planning on telling them then. I just feel as if Christmas has been cancelled. I am just going through the motions of putting up the tree, writing the cards, shopping etc. This is our first Christmas in our own house (bought during the year, we were renting until then) and I had been really looking forward to this, the pregnancy was a huge big icing on the cake. Now all I feel is just a huge sense of loss. It's a horrible thing to happen, particularly on your first pregnancy, and particularly at this time of year. Eight years ago, my first marriage broke up around this time of year. My ex, always the sensitive type, chose to tell me two weeks before Christmas that the girl he had been having an affair with was pregnant. It felt like I had been repeatedly kicked in the stomach. My work Christmas party was on two nights after he told me and I was in a new job so I felt like I had to go and show my face. I repeatedly ran to the loo in between dinner courses and bawled my eyes out. Christmas was never an enjoyable time for me since then until last year when DH and I had our first married Christmas together. We had a really lovely Christmas, and I was all set for this year to be even better, but I just feel like the rug has been pulled from under me all over again, like it was eight years ago. All the old feelings of loss are just coming flooding back. Sorry for the rambling.....really felt like getting that out of my system! Feel better already.
Sphynx Posts: 6795
That's what we're all here for! I am in the same boat as you this Christmas after my C/c at 16 weeks (baby died at nearly 13) just 3 weeks ago. Normally I love xmas but this year it is just something to get through. Christmas can be a v emotional time anyway so I'm expecting it to be v. hard, and to be crying my way through all the nice kids' movies and sentimental carols etc etc. Just tell yourself it's really only a couple of days to get through (at least there will be booze and chocolates to help you thru) and after that you will have a new year to and a fresh start to look forward to. I normally hate NYE but this year I can't wait for it. Will be so glad to see the back of 2006 and can't wait to turn over a fresh page in January and look forward to TTC again. Hopefully we'll both be on here with BFPs in the Spring! If you are finding things tough pm me at any time. :xxx
Sonique Posts: 248
I feel so bad for both of you but try to look forward to next year when it will hopefully be better. one of my best friends had 2 miscarriages last year which was dreadful but thankfully (and unexpectedly) last month had a wonderful baby girl. Hopefully this time next year you will both be very very happy :thnk :thnk
hubble Posts: 299
Felt so sad when i read your post that I had to reply. You have just been throughout a traumatic time, losing your baby. So its ok to grieve and you need to allow yourself that time and space to heal. Those who love you will be there for you and give you the support you need to work through it. So don't go through it on your own. Naturally, because you are feeling so low you are revisiting sad Christmas memories. You have to remember how good you felt last Christmas with so much to look forward to and draw on those feelings. Let yourself grieve the loss of your baby, and remember Christmas will pass. There will be other happy Christmases in your future. But for now take care of yourself, and listen to your heart and body, share your sadness and let those who love you take care of you and wipe your tears away. Will be thinking of you.
sunsparks Posts: 2196
I actually had a miscarriage four days before Christmas, God it was 9 years ago now. (Double traumatic as only found out day before and it definitely wasn't expected.) That Christmas was bloody hard. I cried all the way through carols and movies. The worse part was Silent Night during midnight mass and I just stood there blubbering. Anyway, I can't offer any advice, except allow yourself to grieve and know that Christmas is full of things that will set you off. If you think something is going to upset you, decide whether you need to put yourself through it or not. (Bearing in mind that crying can be good for you too!) Anyway, I'm thinking of both of you. :thnk
Sphynx Posts: 6795
You girls are all so wise! Audrey it's true that crying can be really therapeutic - it's hard while it lasts but sometimes you just need to get it out. I always feel so peaceful after a good cry. I'm going to see if I find a nice angel decoration for the xmas tree this weekend and will think of my "angel" when I hang it - maybe that would make you feel better too? That decorating your tree can also be a way to remember the little one you lost?
Incognito Posts: 232
I have no words of wisdom. I just didn't want to read and not respond. I'd imagine that if it was me I would curl up with hubbie on the sofa, have a good cry and look forward to the new year. Take care.
Princess Cinders Posts: 11475
:xox :xox :xox lots of hugs to you and hubby, while this christmas wont be the easiest just hold on to the thought that there will be others that will be happier
Tedsters Posts: 1688
Audrey J you're not rambling and it's good to let things out so here's hoping that writing your post helps you a teeny bit. Christmas can be a terribly lonely time especially when you are suffering a loss and unfortunatley there are several other wollies in this situation also. Life can be so hard to deal with at times and then when other sad memories come flooding back to you it becomes difficult to cope with your day to day life and social activities. I wish I could write something to take the pain away but all I can say is take each day as it comes and eventually the pain will go away. I think Blackcats suggestion is really nice and something personal to do.
SpringBride Posts: 406
Hi Audrey J I didnt know you had an mc, really sorry to hear that I remember reading some of your posts, theres nothing I can really say except that we're all here for you if u need a rant, your husband sounds like a lovely man so at least you have each other to lean on during this horrible time, easy for me to say but there is a new yr coming soon and please God all the ttc's will be writing posts here on how far gone we are!