fall out with sis in law

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Jemina Posts: 29
hello wollies I need some advice. I had a fallen out with my sister a few months ago in relation to the way she treated one of her children ( don't want to give too much detail) I was very upset and since then she hasn't spoken to me. We have attended a few family functions since where she has snubbed me and my H2b. we are getting married in a few months time and had planned on have the children in the wedding party. However I have recently learned from another family member that they won't be attending the wedding and will be going away on a family holiday instead. I am so upset over this.I have tried to discuss the situation with my brother but while we hasn't fallen out with me he is not doing anything to help the situation. Anyway I am dreading the wedding now as I know my parents will annoyed when they don't come and I would really would love the kids to be there. She has the kids so upset over this even though they were not directly involved in the agruement. :o(
caitni2000 Posts: 434
Is there an opportunity for you, H2B, your parents, brother and FSIL to all sit down and discuss this? If you make your feelings clear you'd like the children there and FSIL says no, i don't imagine there is anything you can do. If you let everyone know the family are more than welcome and you would love them to be there and they decide against it there's nothing you can do and your parents will support you at least?? If they decide not to go then what can you do? maybe if you could all talk it through it could work out? What does your mum think?
BlossomHill Posts: 2169
Have you personally asked your sister to your wedding ? Be open & direct. This he said, she said business never achieves much
Jemina Posts: 29
hello wollies thanks for the advice. The truth of the matter is that my sis in law wants to embarrass and hurt me on my wedding day but not coming to the wedding. I am annoyed with her as I have been so good to her other the years and even while she has spent the last few months bad mouthing me to all who listened I have never discussed the situation with anyone other than my H2B. To be honest I wouldn't care if she didn't come to the wedding but I would like my brother and the kids to be there. The invitations go out in the coming weeks so i will wait and see what happens. I feel for the kids as they were looking forward to the wedding and all the relations will be asking where they all are on the day.
StupidSexyFlanders Posts: 8402
She sounds like a spiteful b*tch ruining it for people in that way. But tbh I’d be more hurt by your brother if he lets her away with it – is he really not going to go to his own sister’s wedding because of her throwing her toys out her pram?
Jemina Posts: 29
hello very excited bride. I can see the week of the wedding which should be a happy time being an nightmare. My Brother is led and said by her. I will be so dissapointed if this happens as I did everything thing possible to make their wedding day a happy one. I have cried so much over this and my H2B says "it doesn't matter who turns up as long as we are there" this is so true. Everyones keeps asking about the wedding and I am so down over this that i have to inject excitiement into my replies even though its not there if you know what I mean.
BlossomHill Posts: 2169
Jemina. Have you talked to your parent ? Do they know their DS is not going to his sister's wedding.? Nothing like a bit of parental emotional blackmail ......... What is your brother saying ? Have you talked to you SIL to see what it is all about?
StupidSexyFlanders Posts: 8402
I really feel for you, its appalling that she is getting away with this behaviour. Do you have any other siblings who can support you in this and maybe broach the subject with your brother for you/with you? Either that or your parents? If this doesn’t work then unfortunately, unless she has a major change of heart and grows up or your brother stands up to her, it seems as though you might have to accept that they won’t be coming (I would imagine if this is the case your brother will bitterly regret it in years to come but if he is going to make his bed this way he’ll have to lie in it). Once you accept that they won’t be there it will be much easier to regain your excitement because you won’t be wondering and stressing – let them stress about making an utter show of themselves by behaving this way. Chin up pet, please, please don’t let them take away from you happiness anymore PM if you'd like to chat or let off steam about it x
Jemina Posts: 29
hello wollies I don't want to involve my parents in this. Firstly my Mother suffers with mental illness and I am tyring to keep her unbeat etc coming up to the wedding and besides both my parents would just say make it up with her so she will come to the wedding and not embarrass the family. I will see my brother in the coming weeks as it it one of the kids birthdays soon and I will contact him to give the gift and see what he says. I can't explain what the agrument was about but what she did that day was doing was wrong and she had told others a different version of events and now wants me to apology to her " for what". I saw the kids once at my parents house and they were in the kitchen while she was in the sittingroom, the five year old was begging me to "apology to his Mammy as they really miss me " and I had to explain to the child that it was between his Mammy and Me and that i loved him and the other kids and not to worry about it. So you see she has the kids told all about it too.
BlossomHill Posts: 2169
Ok no parents not an option. Though I do think both your parents will be very upset if they only find out on wedding day. It will forever be a shadow on what should be a glorious day. If you really want your brother & kids at you wedding, I think you are going to have to suck it up and force yourself to apologise. (Note to self you are the bigger person here, and you are only apologising for family sake) best of luck, hard decisions :lvs